my secret

There's been this little secret, one I hardly talk about on here. I mention it to friends and family, but I've never really talked about it here because that makes it real. It's out there and then everyone knows what consumes even the smallest corners of my brain. It's about this little cutie:

He isn't talking. Not at all.

Everyone always anxiously awaits those moments when their baby starts to babble or coo. Recording devices are brought out and pretty soon social media is up to date on the tiny baby who is making language sounds at just a few months old. It's incredible really. That's why when Baby A wasn't doing those things, I pushed it to the back of my mind knowing that both my boys typically hit their suggested milestones just a little later than most. He'd be okay.
He's 13 months now. Still, the only sound I've ever heard from him are cries and screams (and the best laughs you've ever heard). He doesn't say ma, da, ba, la much less "mama" or "dada". It makes me sad for him, but even more than that it makes me irritated on a daily basis which in turn makes me feel awful for feeling that way. The poor child can't tell me what he wants. I know his peers are leaps and bounds ahead of him in that department. I suppose we should start diligently teaching sign language. It's not just me that it bothers. His brother is frustrated daily with him because some days all he does is scream over and over. He wants to talk so badly but he just can't. I don't even know where to start.
We are starting, though. I mentioned to the doctor (again) his issue in development and he seemed pretty alarmed. We've switched doctors so many times as we moved that I don't think he quite understood when I mentioned it the first few times to him. There were other issues to attend to. His docs before that continued to tell me to keep an eye on it. Well, I have and what I've noticed is zero improvement. After speaking with the pediatrician at his one year well baby appointment, I got some other appointments set up. The first step is to check his hearing. Friday we went to an ear, nose, and throat guy for five minutes just for him to tell me that he couldn't check his hearing because of ear wax build up.
The kid has always had a lot of ear wax.
This is getting gross, isn't it?
Anyway, we are painfully dropping in medicine to those sweet little ears every night to flush them out for his next attempt at a hearing test on Wednesday. I'm trying not to be worried.
If it's not his hearing that is the problem, then we are all set to see a developmental specialist for a complete review.
I was talking to my aunt about it over Christmas and she said something that I'm trying to focus on. I'm paraphrasing here, but it was along the lines of:

God made him who he is. It doesn't matter if there's something "wrong" in our eyes. He's still perfect the way he was made.

And so I'm embracing her words. I'm lucky to have her wisdom in my life and I'm trying to change my thoughts toward positivity. I know it will all be okay...

because really? He is perfect.