October Goals

Failure isn't fun. I despise starting something and not finishing, setting a goal and not following through with it. In September, I told you my biggest fitness goal for the month was to run 50 miles. I ran 50 last year, no problem. I've also done 100 miles in a month before, but for some reason, I struggled this month. The first problem is the busyness! Between driving back and forth from Nashville and my husband working more (Someone needs to invent the 3 seater running stroller!), I did not complete the goal I set out to accomplish. No excuse is good enough. I simply am exhausted by parenting a toddler with special needs while caring for two other needy little people. I chose (physical and mental) rest more than exercise and finished off the month ten miles short of my goal. I hate to say that.

Today begins a new month, though! I think my theme will be focus. I'm going to take less on my plate this month and focus on what's important to me. Among these are my faith, health, and family. My goals for October:

1. Focus on prayer life-
How can I pray for you? I'd be happy to just leave me a comment and let me know.

2. Focus on Abs: October Ab Challenge-
Last year, I created an ab challenge and I think I'll give it a go again this year. Wanna join me?

3. Focus on Family Fun: Make Halloween Costumes

4. Focus on Family: Friends Edition-
I'm such a nerd. ANYway, my bestie is getting married the first weekend of November so I hope to spend time with her and take the time to make her feel special in some way. I'm looking forward to her wedding festivity get-togethers. I'm so glad she's a part of my life and I want to make the days leading up to her Big Day as stress free as possible.

What are your goals this month? If you did the #50milesinSeptember with me, how'd it go?

Activation Day

Dear Abel,

I used to write to you monthly. In my letters, you were my baby- an extension of my own soul. I loved and cherished your first year of life. Your birthday came and went and typically that's where I would stop writing so often. Your story of your babyhood just didn't feel quite done yet, though. I knew I wanted to write you again. When we found out your were deaf, I felt so scared that I wouldn't be able to provide for you what you needed. My sign language was/is limited and although we've been learning together, I knew you needed more. I yearned for you to understand us one day, to be able to talk to your brothers, and enjoy the simple pleasures of music. I was so glad to find out you were a candidate for cochlear implant surgery. That excitement diminished as I learned more about the procedure. It was intimidating. I started second guessing our decision even after your surgery. I can't tell you how many times since you were implanted a few weeks ago that I thought to myself that I wish we'd never done the surgery to begin with. You were perfect as you were anyway.
Activation Day rolled around and I was so excited. I wanted so badly for this to be a happy day for you, but you were under the weather with an ear infection and I ended up crying a lot that day. I hate to see any of my babies in pain. Still, you pressed on as you always do. You're such a tough kid already! You've been through a lot in your short time here and you have taught me that I can be strong, too. We activated one side and your reaction was much like we expected:

Bless your sweet little heart. It turns out that hearing for the first time is frightening! But you know what? You're enjoying it now. I see you getting super still, focusing intently on making sense of your new found hearing and I'm so happy we decided to do it. It feels like I can teach you now. Another door has opened for you. You and I will always have our bond that allows us to communicate without words or signs, but now when your family talks to you, you can listen. I have faith that you will speak, too. Your appetite for learning inspires me, too. You've given me so much in your 21 months!

I love you so much. Happy Hearing Birthday to you!

This is when we activated the other side. No tears!

Hard Work

Some days it seemingly appears out of nowhere although it must have been brewing for a long time. The ugly cry. The yelling. The being the mom you don't want to be. It happened to me today. All my triggers were there, I just didn't see it coming. The other day, someone likened my kids to having triplets and while I can't put myself in the shoes of someone who has to feed THREE tiny humans every couple of hours throughout the night, I feel like I do share some struggles with the multiples moms. Mine are all still in diapers (judgment judgment judgment!), they all cry when they want something, and sleep through the night could be worse, but it could be a lot better, too. I end every day feeling as if I haven't been able to sit down and I truly haven't. Today, I did though. I should have known I would break down. After rushing out of the house, leaving behind a screaming preschooler with the sitter, I arrived at Abel's speech therapy. It all felt so pointless. He can't hear yet I'm driving an hour away to do this. I got home and felt so sleepy, drained. I ignored the house I should clean and the big boy I should play with. I put the baby in the swing and checked out. I don't want to be like that. I want to soak up every minute with the precious kids God has placed in my care, but y'all I'm tired. I don't know what's wrong with me.

J came home and we all went outside for awhile to enjoy some fresh air. When he came back in the house to take a conference call, I thought I'd check something online I've been meaning to research (our yard is fenced in and private). I stepped away for about two minutes and when I came back? Potting soil EVERYWHERE. All over the dog. In the crevices of smiles, teeth, and fingernails. Most notably however was the degree to which it was caked on the curly headed toddler who just had surgery on his head. I flipped.

Instead of smiling about how boys will be boys, I was mean and hurried them all to the bathtub. Trying to get dirt out of Abel's hair was only making matters worse and by the time they were semi-clean, I just put them all to bed despite the late hour. Then I cried.

Mothering is hard work.

Happy 1 Month!

Dear Merit,

What a pleasant surprise you've been. Our family had so much going on that I worried that I wouldn't be able to handle all three of my boys with any measure of grace, but you make it easier to do. You have been a joy since you came into our lives. It has already been a month. Time flies when you're having fun! I feel incredibly blessed to call you my son.
You are so cute! Most people tell me you look like Kinley did when he was a baby and I agree. Sometimes I hear you look like big brother Abel, though and I see that, too! You are their perfect combinations right now. I love it. You've already changed so much since birth. I'm sure you'll continue to do so. I wonder, will you have brown eyes like me or blue like the rest of the family? Curly or straight hair? Outgoing or shy? Time will tell, but right now I'm just trying to soak you up as you are right now. I love holding you for hours if the others will let me. I just stare...and snap eleventy billion photos of the sweetest sleeping baby I know. You snuggle right up on me and are content for hours. Your sleeping patterns at night could improve, though. I'm just sayin'.

Even when you're super fussy, you're still a million times easier to handle than your brothers were at this age. Perhaps that comes with experience, but I have a feeling that you'll always be my baby- the one who does no wrong in my eyes! We'll try not to spoil you too much. You are very loved, kid. I know soon your brothers will have you running around with them, joining in on their fun. Until then, it feels like you're all mine and I will savor this time.

I love you!

-Mama

The Bionic Boy- post surgery notes from Mama

I keep thinking this will all get easier to deal with. I look at how far we've come as a family in the past year and think it must. Less than a year ago, we started accepting the fact that our dear Abel wasn't progressing like a typical babe. Later, we found out he was deaf. Meanwhile, we were struggling with the financial issues that come with buying a house, paying for graduate school, and planning for a new baby to join the family. Pile on top of that, the stress of carrying another human, birthing him, and nurturing him while running the other two kids to doctor appointments, therapies, and "school" and I was feeling so stretched. Did I mention I tried my hand at starting a business, too? It was all too much. I just felt like eventually this season of our lives would slow down and get easier. I wasn't consciously creating a timetable for this, but I must've because somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought life won't be as scary once Abel has his surgery. I knew it would be a long road with many hours of speech therapy and driving to audiology appointments. But I also thought that the scary part would be over. He is out of surgery. He did well. Finally.

But you know what? The terrifying part has just begun. I didn't prepare myself for what life would be like post surgery partly because the people I spoke with and read about their experiences with the surgery said recovery was normal. I guess Abel's recovery has been fairly normal, too but he has had some other symptoms that are concerning. So what has it been like?
The ride home from the hospital that evening was rough. We were all so tired from a long day and had a three hour drive ahead of us. Abel was super groggy and nauseous (yes, he threw up on me) and so so pitiful. Even under anesthesia, he had quite a 'tude. He threw his paci and juice cup no less than 50 times on the way home. He was not happy and had a hard time sleeping in the car.
Post Surgery Day 1

We roused him around nine that morning and started trying to get him to eat and drink since he hadn't in so long. He tolerated a drink but was in no condition to eat. We could hardly get him to move honestly. He laid on the couch all day and it seemed as if his spirit was just completely broken. We changed his diaper, gave him meds, and moved him when he needed it (all things he would usually protest but was too tired to care). He fell in and out of sleep all day. We turned on cartoons and he camped out on the couch. His eyes floated toward the t.v. but he wouldn't lift his head to look at it. It started to alarm me. I wanted to get him moving and create some normalcy (b/c he has never spent more than 20 minutes straight in front of a t.v.) so we loaded our two youngest boys in the stroller so we could go for a walk. Still, I noticed his head was flopping around like a newborn. It was as if he couldn't control it. I thought maybe it was due to his large dressing so we decided to take it off an hour or two early. When we took it off, it didn't improve his head issue but we were pleased at how the incisions looked.
Day 2
He was up crying through the night so I think he had some pain. We brought some medicine in his room that morning and began the process of cleaning his head and ears. Applying creams. That sort of thing. He was not happy, but we were feeling hopeful because when we scooped him from his crib, he was standing up! That was a complete turn around from the day before. When we finally got him cleaned and ready for the day, we took him to the kitchen where he ate his first good meal in days. Afterward, we put him on the couch again because we noticed that his balance was still very much off. It broke my heart to see him want to move and play, but then get defeated when he couldn't because he was stumbling and falling so much. I even texted my mom and sister expressing my fears that we had done the wrong thing. I started to question everything. I took to facebook and asked for prayer because I truly believe in the power of prayer. By the end of the day, he was getting around so much better. I could tell he was still in pain, but there were smiles that day and he played and toddled like one and a half year olds should. That night, his temp spiked and we were worried again.

Day 3
J had to go back to work but I was thankful that he woke Abel up and helped me get him ready by taking care of his wounds, administering medicine, etc. I'll be honest- he has done most of the work. I get so upset trying to hold an angry, sad and in-pain toddler down to get these things accomplished and J has been so thorough in taking care of our boy. I'm lucky to have him. I expected the day to be so hard, but it wasn't. Kinley went off to Mother's Day Out and Merit slept much of the day so I could focus my attention on Abel. He did well. I noticed early on that he was leaning in on his right side and that worried me, but it slowly went away as the day wore on. His ears sticking out/swelling seemed to look better as well. He started walking more normally throughout the day and we have hope that he will continue to improve.

This has been emotionally taxing on me. I wish I could take his place. I wish I could take his pain. If only I could be deaf instead. But I also know that he is now a part of the bionic community...and what a great one it is. We are so grateful for this miracle procedure and we're hoping it proves to be one for us. More than anything, though we want Abel to be his happy, feisty self again. God is The Great Healer and I know He has him in His hands. Thank you all so much for caring about this journey and for joining us in praying for this sweet child. THANKS SO MUCH!

The Big Day

If you're reading this on Friday, there's a good chance that Abel is in surgery at this very moment. Surgery that will open up his head and eventually, hopefully give him the ability to hear. Please pray. It's Wednesday night as I write this and I'm a nervous wreck. In an effort to focus my head, I thought I'd answer some questions I've gotten recently about the procedure.

How long is it going to take?
We are told it should take between 4-6 hours to implant both sides. That does not count time spent in pre-op appointments and recovery.

After the surgery, will he just be able to hear?
No. Actually, he will still be deaf. After surgery, he will need time to heal. Two to three weeks after the procedure is activation day.

Is it all inside the head or ear? Can you see it?
The inside portion will obviously not be visible, but in order to make the cochlear implants work, processors will attach via magnet on the sides of his head and rest behind his ears. When the processors are taken off, he will not have access to sound. He'll still be deaf. Processors typically aren't worn around water or at bed time.

What do you think his first word will be?
You know, I don't even let myself think of this. You might think that once he is turned on that he can start talking within weeks, but it's not that easy. His brain has to be taught what these noises mean. I can't even explain it, but I do know that I'm going to have to be realistic about this process or I'll go crazy. I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Are you going to record it?
As I mentioned, he'll be activated weeks later. That means, they'll begin the process of turning on his sound. These are all the cute videos you see on youtube and facebook of the kiddos hearing for the first time. While these are all adorable (and often make me cry happy tears), they also aren't typical. It's much more common to have a crying reaction or no reaction at all. Think about it...it's probably alarming to suddenly have a new sense. To hear for the first time when you're less than two years old? It must be frightening. Still, we will totally record this awesome moment in our lives. It will be magical, no matter how he reacts.

I'm keeping the faith.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you (Abel!) says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

Postpartum Fitness Goals

It's the beginning of a new month and I'm finally starting to feel myself again. My blood pressure is seemingly controlled by medicine for the time being and I have even decreased my dosage since delivery three (almost four) weeks ago. Eventually I hope to come off of it completely and there's no reason for me to believe I can't do that. Anyway...

3 Weeks Postpartum

I feel pretty good! I've started jogging again, but won't resume any other workouts until I'm cleared by my doctor. I hope she will tell me I can at my six week appointment that will be here before I know it. Getting back outside and sweating has been slow going. I've already improved a lot, though. I started off barely able to run a mile, but I'm building up to feeling strong again.

Here are my Postpartum Goals for the next couple of months:

1. Run 50 miles in September

2.Train & complete a half marathon in November (I haven't signed up yet, but I'm planning to do a race I've been wanting to do for awhile now. I hope I see a lot of improvement in my run pace over the next month.)

3. Confidence

4. Lose the remaining baby weight. I'm currently at 126 lbs. and I feel most comfortable at 120. I was almost at my goal but my milk was decreasing too much so I had to start eating more calories to keep that up for baby. It's not that I was dieting-not at all. I just find it difficult to find time to eat when I'm taking care of all three babes.

5. That brings me to my next point. I want to start eating better. I need to fuel this body and nourish Merit's. In the past, I was healthiest when I ate clean for at least two meals a day. I'd like to get back to that.

6. More water. Always.

What are your health goals this month?

Surgery Up In the Air

Can I just talk honestly for a moment? Abe's surgery is coming up- at least I think it is. For months and months we've had this plan set in place, we've made hotel arrangements, babysitters, and scheduled off work. The plan was to implant Abel sequentially- meaning that he needs both sides implanted (bilateral), but we were planning on breaking up the procedure into two different surgeries spaced three months apart. We chose to do this because of a scary statistic we'd heard regarding balance issues when the surgery was done with both ears. We felt confident in our decision. Now, just days before his first surgery, we are having second thoughts. We've since done much research and asked around for professional and parental opinions and we've almost changed our minds. We want it done at the same time now. There are a whole host of pros and cons that I won't get into. Anyway, because I need that plan set in place- because I was counting on it- I feel unnerved now. More so than I already was. Yesterday, J called the surgeon to tell him we had changed our minds and talk to him about rescheduling or keeping the same date and implanting both that day. Just typing that out feels like fifty pounds of weight on my shoulders as it will likely change all the appointments we have set in place over the next few months. The Army taught me that I can't plan. I mean, I can, but I should have loose expectations of those plans coming to fruition. I don't know why I thought that when we parted ways with the Army that I would have more control. Anyway, I'm so nervous. Nervous that his surgery will be pushed back even further. Nervous what the surgeon, case worker, and audiologist all think about our decision (or indecision). Nervous that something will go wrong. Nervous that I'll never be able to speak to my second born and have him hear and understand me. Parents of kids with cochlear implants keep telling me- "Just wait! You will be amazed." I hope so. Right now, all I know is that Abel cries and screams at everything. He can't tell us what he wants so he just cries out of frustration. His signing is decreasing as we are trying to focus on listening and I feel as if I'm a huge disservice to him all around. I have so much guilt. The other parents I know who have a child with hearing loss do not have two other babes that need a lot of attention. They are working at home with their child in addition to the years of therapy that this sort of procedure will require. I don't know how to balance trying to help Abel "listen" and eventually speak when there are two other very loud little people thrown into the mix. It has been my thought since day one- I wish I could help him. I feel like I can't.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Party

Two days after my newest squishy cutie pie came into the world, my oldest turned three years old. Kinley and Merit had the same due date (Aug. 17) so I've known for awhile that I wanted to make his 3rd birthday special for him since it was going to be so close to such a big change in our lives. I tried to plan ahead, but the last few weeks of my pregnancy were so dreadful that I didn't get everything done that I had hoped to do. Still, fresh outta the hospital, we partied! I couldn't have done it without all the help from family. We just had a few people over because I was afraid of inviting a bunch of folks in case I went into labor on the day of the party, but it was nice to see everyone and eat some delicious cake. Kinley is very into Mickey Mouse Clubhouse right now so that's the theme I rolled with. 

For the invites, I used this printable and put my enormous scrapbooking paper collection to good use.

I actually hit up Pinterest for A LOT of printables. The ones I used for the "Mouseketools"(forks), "Hot Diggity Dogs" (hot dogs), "Daisy's Garden Veggies" and "Clubhouse Sandwiches" (subs) can be found here.

I used this, too.

See the Mickey Mouse head near the bowl of chips? I just used Styrofoam balls, hot glue, spray paint, and a little glitter. Voila!

I had all these plans for a cute homemade cake and other Mickey themed sweets, but I ended up calling up Bi-Lo for a cake. I'm glad I did--I was stressed enough as it was. They did a great job anyway and it was delicious.

The celebration was short and sweet because I was so tired, but I think he had a good time!

Happy Birthday, Kinley! I love you lots.

Gumbo for the Tiger Soul

Hey Friends! Thanks for all the congrats. I'm in the process of writing each of you back, but I wanted to share this book for all the LSU fans out there. If you know me at all, you know I'm all Vol but I can appreciate some SEC football (so long as it's not the FL Gators). More so than that, I wanted to share this in support of my online friend, the author! Ces and I go back to 2011 when we became Twitter pals. Since then we've corresponded via email and social media. He has been an encourager for me to continue to write fiction and nonfiction in my spare time. This isn't his first book! When he's not writing, it appears that he is traveling! I've enjoyed following his adventures lately on Instagram. I secretly live vicariously through him and his wife as Jordan and I haven't been able to do much traveling over the past few years. Anyway, if you're an SEC fan, too--check this out!

About the Book: Gumbo for the Tiger Soul is a collection of personal stories from LSU fans spanning nearly 50 years of great (and not so great) LSU football moments. Inspired by ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’, Gumbo for the Tiger Soul is meant as a celebration of LSU football, Cajun culture and the unique flavors they call to memory. Each chapter of GFTS includes nostalgia from fan stories and lip-smacking Cajun recipes with each chapter titled after a different gumbo ingredient.

GFTS features contributions from LSU alums, staff, fans, former football players, band members, dancers and color guard members. These first-hand accounts reminisce the Blue Grass Miracle, The Earthquake Game, the USC game, Florida games from ’97 and 2007 and the two most recent Championship seasons.

Gumbo for the Tiger Soul is scheduled for release August 2014 and will be available within major online retailers such as Barnes and Noble and Amazon as well as a growing list of local and regional book stores

About the Author: Ces Guerra was born and raised in New Orleans, LA. He graduated from O. Perry Walker High School, served in the U.S. Army’s 82nd Airborne Division and then graduated from LSU in 1984. He is an avid supporter of LSU, Past President of the LSU Houston Alumni Association and a member of the Tiger Athletic Foundation. He is a retired pharmaceutical industry professional and currently working in the Houston real estate industry. The success of Pill Pushers, his first novel published in 2007, inspired and encouraged him to write and publish Gumbo for the Tiger Soul. Guerra currently resides in Houston, TX with his wife Laura and three stepchildren. In his spare time he enjoys reading, cycling, yoga, hiking and, of course, traveling to LSU football games.

Contact Information:

Ces Guerra Cell: 713-298-6070, Email: CesLSU@gmail.com Facebook.com/GumboForTheTigerSoul Twitter.com/CesLSU LinkedIn: Ces Guerra

Here's a note from the author!

An LSU Fan Celebration

Gumbo for the Tiger Soul (GFTS) is a celebration of all the good things we remember about going to LSU football games.   GFTS is a 50 year retrospective journey into some of the great and not so great moments for the Tigers.   And, each chapter ends with a terrific Cajun recipe!!  Yum!!    The vision of this book goes back almost three years now.   My dream was to capture the essence of some of those big games we all remember from different perspectives.

When one of my dear LSU friends, Kathy Tangney, passed away in July of 2012 it occurred to me that we were brought together by our love for LSU and some of our best memories were made watching the Tigers.   I realized that this entire fan experience was more than just about the football game and that’s what I set out to capture.   I interviewed and collected stories from many LSU friends, former football players, band members and LSU staff.    What I was able to capture was clearly a Gumbo of memories that was about more than the football game.

One of my friends, Jack Burleigh, recalled attending the Notre Dame game with his father in 1970.  He recalled that it was so cold,  “I thought my blood was going to freeze.”   LSU staffer, Cliff Vanoy, attending the LSU v Auburn game in 1988 aka The Earthquake game recalled, “I thought my wife would deliver our baby in the stadium that night.”   There are so many more interesting stories like that along with “Hold That Tiger, Red Beans and Rice”, “Louisiana Road Kill Stew”, Touchdown LSU!! Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya and more, more, more!!

To order your copy of Gumbo for the Tiger Soul visit AuthorHouse.com or ask your local bookstore to order it for you!  Geaux Tigers Always!

Birth Story #3

Friday started off like any other day of my pregnancy. It was sort of miserable. For weeks, I had felt like death warmed over, a combination of flu-like symptoms and pregnancy ailments plaguing me. I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost six pounds if that tells you anything about what the last few days had been like for me. They were rough. Still, it was becoming my new normal and I thought nothing of it. I hoped I would have the baby soon, but I had no idea how soon that could be!

Abel had an appointment that day to get re-fitted for his hearing aids. It was the last thing I wanted to do because I was feeling so under the weather, but I knew I should do it because delivery day was drawing near and so is Abel's surgery date so I wanted to get it done before hand. I carted my big boy, my middle child, and my unborn off into the pouring rain of East TN. We managed to make it into the appointment without any huge tantrums and I was starting to feel as if I had all this a little more under control than I thought. That feeling changed quickly shortly after we got home and I noticed I was having contractions. I had been contracting for weeks, sometimes pretty regularly, so I didn't think much of these pains until they had me laid up on the couch texting my husband that he was soooo in charge of the kids when he got home because I needed to take yet another bath and relax. He got home shortly after, poured me a big glass of water, and ran the bath for me. Ahh! Finally. I could relax. HA!

The bath felt wonderful and certainly eased the pain of my contractions. Still, I laid there thinking- these feel a bit different. I called Captain J from the warmth of the tub and asked him to come see me when he could sneak away from our wild indians. He came in and I said, "Do your parents have any plans today? Do you think we should call them?" He said he'd give them a call. I decided it wouldn't hurt to get checked out (again)- better to be safe than sorry. I stood up to get out of the tub and the contractions got worse. I had been timing and they went from 6-8 minutes apart to 2-3 very quickly. Nearly in tears as I tried to throw some items into a half-packed hospital bag, J suggested we call someone in the area that could get here a lot quicker. I'm so glad he did. My great aunt arrived a few minutes later to watch the kids and we were off. The hospital is about twenty minutes away, but that doesn't take into account rush hour traffic and heavy rain!

The ride to the hospital got more and more frantic. I realized I was most definitely in active labor about half way there. I started making comments to J that he needed to drive better, faster- JUST GET ME THERE OR WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THIS BABY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! Perhaps I'm a dramatic person sometimes. I know my husband thinks I can be a little emotional about things, but pregnancy pains are not one of them. I keep a level head. Multiple nurses have told me that and I know it to be true. At one point, the rain was coming so hard that I almost told J to pull over on the Interstate and dial 911 because I was sure he was going to have to deliver the baby in the rain on the side of the road. Luckily, the rain eased up and the traffic pressed on and we were soon pulling off our exit. Five o'clock on a Friday in Chattanooga, TN is not somewhere you wanna be when you're in labor, let me tell ya. The traffic was thick. We sat through three THREE green lights just trying to get off the exit and I was starting to lose it. In an effort to make J understand that he needed to turn on the flashers and drive like a maniac, I told him the truth- "I feel lots of pressure. I'm going to be pushing soon. DO NOT TELL ME NOT TO PUSH. I KNOW." Finally, my alarm was registering with my Type A Army Officer husband. He started meandering through the cars like a champ and pretty soon we were screaming into the parking lot in our jeep. He pulled up to the door and ran in looking for a wheelchair for me, but no one was around. Meanwhile, I'm letting myself out of the car and hobbling into the doors...barely. J finds the chair, sits me in it and we make our way up the elevator to labor and delivery. My moans alert the nurse to skip introductions or paperwork and just open the door to let us into the first room. All social or procedural expectations out the window, I drop my pants without instruction. The nurse says, "First time?" I said, "No, third." And she jumped into action. When she checked me she started yelling to the staff that there was nothing there (meaning I was fully effaced and dilated) and to call the doctor. I told her the doctor wouldn't make it and it turns out I was right. My body was involuntarily pushing. They wheeled me into the delivery room where I warned the girls that my water exploded last time so beware. With all the excitement, the room was filling up fast. Ten or so nurses chuckled at my comment until they were shocked into a momentary silence as my water broke all over a bystander. "I'm sorry! I warned you!" I said as she assured me it was okay, but she could see the head. To her credit, she didn't tell me not to push, as if that's an option anyway.

My beautiful third born arrived after about three pushes. We hadn't been at the hospital five minutes. My Chacos were still strapped to my feet! 

When I think about that intense hour of my life, it feels a little terrifying but mostly just miraculous. God has given me the most precious gift. All I want to do is hold him all day and stare at his perfection. These little boys are everything to me.

Boo hoo.

Phil. 4:6-7

Oh, friends. This week has been nuts. I left my 37 week baby appointment feeling pretty good considering my blood pressure was down. I was ready to ward off any suggestions of inducing because I desperately want this kid to come in his own time. I was feelin' alright! The next day was one for the books, though. I had two appointments scheduled for Abel and when my babysitter was a no call/no show, I scooped up both of the boys and headed off to the appointments with them in tow. Speech therapy was a bit of a disaster. The toys that the therapist wanted Abel to play with were precisely the ones that Kinley wanted to play with. She had no problems getting him to talk! It was so distracting and I could see the repercussions of bringing big bro on Abel's face. He was much less vocal when he had to share the stage with him. Meanwhile, I'm having regular, frequent contractions. I started to get worried on the way to the next appointment so I kept my eye on the clock as I drove and realized my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart. Come to think of it, I hadn't felt Baby M move in awhile. I called and cancelled the second appointment and my great aunt came over to watch the boys so I could go to my doctor and find out what was going on. Once I got there, he started moving about with all the poking and prodding and my mind was set at ease. They told me I was slightly dehydrated. I believed it! I had hardly had time to eat or drink that day. 

There were a few good days in between then and my next appointment for 38 weeks, but there were some rough ones, too. I still haven't stopped contracting, although they are obviously not as regular. The worst part is that I feel them in my back. No wait, the worst part is that THE CONTRACTIONS AREN'T DILATING ME. Braxton Hicks contractions that hurt and I find difficult to breathe through at times? This is for the birds, y'all.

Late last night, I was up for hours with flu-like symptoms and lots of more of the same. Because I had an appointment scheduled today, I decided to wait it out at home and see what was going on. I cancelled one of Abel's appointments this morning and tried to lay on the couch for most of the day, but have you ever tried to do this with two toddlers running around? It's nearly impossible. I yelled when I shouldn't have. My patience- out the window. Finally appointment time rolled around and I just couldn't wait to at least have someone else take over for awhile so I could go figure out what was going on. In my heart, I wanted Doc to tell me - "Wow, you're a four! Let's admit you and have a baby tonight." Instead what she told me was that I have a stomach bug and am really dehydrated. "If you're not significantly better by morning, we need to admit you to pump fluids into you." Boo hoo. Not at all what I wanted to hear.

Anyway, I'm truckin' along. I went to get some Gatorade and already feel a little better by chugging those. Water just wasn't doing the trick apparently. I'm hoping that these unpleasant symptoms will subside soon. I have a certain cutie pie who has his third birthday coming up this weekend! I hope we can make it special for him.

As always, thanks for following along with our lives and truly caring about my well-being. I'm continually blessed by each of you who leave nice words for me to sign in and read and by those who take time to send cards and words of encouragement. Y'all are the best. I appreciate you listening to me whine ;)

Cover Reveal! #themermaidspearlbook

Hi, friends. Happy Friday to you! My pal has written another book and I'm so excited for her. Let me know if you decide to check it out. I'm not reading a lot these days, but I am looking forward to the day that I can read more. Looking forward to the big release date, too!

The Mermaid's Pearl

Release Date: August 27

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Synopsis

Raewyn is tougher than your average mermaid princess. She lives in a fortress far beneath the surface of the ocean, where she constantly breaks the rules by fleeing the safety of her home in search of treasure. After a quest gone wrong, she finds herself held captive aboard the Devil’s Pearl, among the worst humans of all—pirates.
Captain Aiden Flynn is handsome and charming, spending his time sailing the seas and hording treasure. His villainous reputation has even reached the depths of the ocean. When he finds a dark-haired beauty ensnared in his net, he puts on his best charms in hopes of finding out just who she is.
Will his dangerous, yet charming, demeanor win her over? Or will he fall, as many other men have, to the wiles of a mermaid princess?

About the Author

Brooke is a self-proclaimed geek and day dreamer. She enjoys music, books, family & friends, and spending time with her husband and cat. She has obtained a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a master’s in mental health counseling from Tennessee Technological University. She is the co-author of the Ethereal Underground trilogy.

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Ethereal Underground

Celebrating Small Miracles

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

-Albert Einstein

Happy Tuesday evening- or perhaps Wednesday morning? I don't know when you're tuning in. I barely know what day it is anymore anyway. I don't want this week to slip by without telling you some of my small miracles that have happened to me as of late. Life is good, y'all and so is this stuff:

Is a bullet list okay? I can't form paragraphs right now.

*Abel has a surgery date! wooohooooooo! I'm leading with the best (Still you should keep reading because the other stuff is cool, too). He is scheduled for his first cochlear implant surgery in early September. If you find yourself in prayer, I hope you'll say some for our sweet little man. We are thrilled for him and, of course, slightly nervous. I'm praying that God will bless the surgeons hands, that Abel will be protected before, during, and after surgery, that our family (of soon to be FIVE) will adjust well to all the changes, and that God will grow our family through this and refocus all our minds on Him.

*Also? Last time we talked about my pregnancy I may or may not have mentioned that my blood pressure was climbing, I was experiencing awful awful heartburn, and had other unpleasant symptoms. I also recently joined up with Young Living. I'm so glad I did. I was a total skeptic, but after the last few weeks of experimenting with different oil combos, I'm a believer! I'll share some of my success stories on here via cute, edited photos because I like to create things just to pin. I'm lame. Anyway, making money with YL was not even on my radar, but hey, I'm not going to turn it down. If you want to sign up under me, let me know. I'll help you in any way I can. I'm pumped about this new (to me) resource to help my family feel better. I might even incorporate some oils into my upcoming labor and delivery. That oughta give the doctor a nice chuckle ;) The best thing that has happened since I started this crazy oil lady journey is this:

I was having the toughest time sleeping because I kept waking up in the night with extreme heartburn and burning bile in my throat (I know, gross. Sorry). Anyway, I was pretty miserable. My mom, who got me into this oily lifestyle, prepared a capsule for me of four drops of Di-Gize plus olive oil and for the first time in four or five days, I slept--gloriously--all through the night with no problems.

In addition, all these hormones sometimes cause headaches. Mine are gone within minutes just by rubbing PanAway on my temples and the back of my neck. These, my friends, are miracles.

* I met a potential friend (and fellow jogger) in our neighborhood today! Most of the people in our hood are older so I was happy, happy, happy when she strolled up with her young son in tow.

* I made it 37 weeks.

What small or big miracles are you celebrating this week?

How To Parent?

Go here. Do this. Don't sleep because the heartburn is so bad. Clean up. Repeat.

My life has been a series of this lately. Over the past six months, Abel has had appointment after appointment. At first they were trying to figure out why he wasn't talking. At first, there were primary care doctors and developmental specialists. Then there were audiologist and ENTs. Now that we know he's deaf, there are all of thee above and then some. After we found out the news, he was added to an early intervention program and I mindlessly signed paper after paper thinking I was doing something that he needed. They pay when our insurance won't so it certainly is beneficial, but there are some aspects of the program that I didn't understand what I was getting us into.

Once a week (which is a lot when he also has speech once a week and I have a doctor appointment weekly, too), someone comes into our home and...tells me how to parent? I don't know. I still haven't figured out her role. In the beginning stages, I thought she would be there to encourage speech development, educational play, or help him with his sign language. We sat down and developed overall family goals that left me feeling like this was some sort of program to help parents who have no idea what they're doing. While it may very well be the case that I'm super overwhelmed by having (soon to be) three kids in diapers, I am also not readily accepting of having someone come in and offering additional advice. The truth is, unless you've been in these shoes, I don't think you quite understand how my day is. Many days, I'm barely making it. If your kids were spaced years apart, if you had a full time job, if your family lived right down the road as you parented--these make one's journey very different. Couple that with not knowing the stress that comes along with having a child who has special needs, it makes it difficult for me to relate. I know people have helpful advice, but I often have a hard time taking it to heart. I know how that makes me sound.
I feel as if the last thing I have time for is to sit down for an hour with someone and take suggestions on how to run my household and family. This woman is sweet...and honestly, I love having another adult to talk to throughout the day. At the same time, these home visits add more stress to me. The house will be perfectly clean and she walks in and suddenly the kids are throwing stuff everywhere. Last time she was here, Abel climbed up on the porch table and threw off all the place mats while Kinley stuffed his head in a plastic bag. It's really no wonder they think I need assistance with motherhood.
And really, the program is voluntary. I just didn't understand that when I first started the program. Now, I feel like I have to do it because I took up the case worker's time and the woman's time by developing these goals and meeting up to sign papers, etc. Last time she was here she asked me to think of some things I wanted to work on next time. I thought all week and couldn't come up with anything that I think she can help me with. I mean, what would make my life easier? Well, for starters, it'd be easier if Abel could hear. This would make trips to the park a lot better because I wouldn't have to be directly in front of him to talk to him while I attempt to wrangle the other toddler out of harm's way in the parking lot. It would be helpful if I could breathe normally whilst doing this. It would be great if I wasn't waddling and feeling as if I'm about to pass out in the heat while we're there. These are things no one can fix right now. I'm okay with that. These are things throughout the day that you just figure out. Unless you're going to grab a kid when he's about to topple off the highest level of the playground out of sheer joy to be outside, I don't think advice will help the situation. Unless you want to push one in the swing while I take off toward the other to encourage him to share the sand toys instead of hoarding them all then I don't quite have time to think about how YOU would have handled the situation. Remember, I'm barely making it.
I can't even focus on what is being said in these sessions because I'm busy parenting. These kids require constant attention. Don't climb that. Don't eat that. Take your fingers out of the toilet. Please find an inside voice BEFORE MAMA GOES ABSOLUTELY NUTS.
I racked my brain, but I just couldn't come up with something for her to help me with. I probably offended her, but I told her I didn't have any goals for her and I wasn't sure where to go from here. She sent me a text and then called suggesting we put off our meetings until after I have the baby and Abel gets his cochlear implants because life will "slow down". I don't think that's entirely true. There will be more audiology and speech appointments. There will be postpartum appointments. There will be new baby appointments. I will have a baby attached to my breast for about a year. Life is not going to slow down. I fear I made her mad when I suggested any of these feelings. It was not my intention. My intention is to make my house as pleasant at possible. I want to parent in a way that I'm proud of, a way that would make my Father in Heaven proud. I want to give my kids a happy childhood. I want to challenge Abel and the rest of my children to be the best people they can be despite any hurdles that might be in their way. I want the walls of this house to be accustomed to laughter and not yelling. Magic not stress. Happiness not worry. And I'm still trying to figure out how to accomplish this. Aren't we all?