Birth Story #3

Friday started off like any other day of my pregnancy. It was sort of miserable. For weeks, I had felt like death warmed over, a combination of flu-like symptoms and pregnancy ailments plaguing me. I stepped on the scale and saw that I had lost six pounds if that tells you anything about what the last few days had been like for me. They were rough. Still, it was becoming my new normal and I thought nothing of it. I hoped I would have the baby soon, but I had no idea how soon that could be!

Abel had an appointment that day to get re-fitted for his hearing aids. It was the last thing I wanted to do because I was feeling so under the weather, but I knew I should do it because delivery day was drawing near and so is Abel's surgery date so I wanted to get it done before hand. I carted my big boy, my middle child, and my unborn off into the pouring rain of East TN. We managed to make it into the appointment without any huge tantrums and I was starting to feel as if I had all this a little more under control than I thought. That feeling changed quickly shortly after we got home and I noticed I was having contractions. I had been contracting for weeks, sometimes pretty regularly, so I didn't think much of these pains until they had me laid up on the couch texting my husband that he was soooo in charge of the kids when he got home because I needed to take yet another bath and relax. He got home shortly after, poured me a big glass of water, and ran the bath for me. Ahh! Finally. I could relax. HA!

The bath felt wonderful and certainly eased the pain of my contractions. Still, I laid there thinking- these feel a bit different. I called Captain J from the warmth of the tub and asked him to come see me when he could sneak away from our wild indians. He came in and I said, "Do your parents have any plans today? Do you think we should call them?" He said he'd give them a call. I decided it wouldn't hurt to get checked out (again)- better to be safe than sorry. I stood up to get out of the tub and the contractions got worse. I had been timing and they went from 6-8 minutes apart to 2-3 very quickly. Nearly in tears as I tried to throw some items into a half-packed hospital bag, J suggested we call someone in the area that could get here a lot quicker. I'm so glad he did. My great aunt arrived a few minutes later to watch the kids and we were off. The hospital is about twenty minutes away, but that doesn't take into account rush hour traffic and heavy rain!

The ride to the hospital got more and more frantic. I realized I was most definitely in active labor about half way there. I started making comments to J that he needed to drive better, faster- JUST GET ME THERE OR WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THIS BABY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD! Perhaps I'm a dramatic person sometimes. I know my husband thinks I can be a little emotional about things, but pregnancy pains are not one of them. I keep a level head. Multiple nurses have told me that and I know it to be true. At one point, the rain was coming so hard that I almost told J to pull over on the Interstate and dial 911 because I was sure he was going to have to deliver the baby in the rain on the side of the road. Luckily, the rain eased up and the traffic pressed on and we were soon pulling off our exit. Five o'clock on a Friday in Chattanooga, TN is not somewhere you wanna be when you're in labor, let me tell ya. The traffic was thick. We sat through three THREE green lights just trying to get off the exit and I was starting to lose it. In an effort to make J understand that he needed to turn on the flashers and drive like a maniac, I told him the truth- "I feel lots of pressure. I'm going to be pushing soon. DO NOT TELL ME NOT TO PUSH. I KNOW." Finally, my alarm was registering with my Type A Army Officer husband. He started meandering through the cars like a champ and pretty soon we were screaming into the parking lot in our jeep. He pulled up to the door and ran in looking for a wheelchair for me, but no one was around. Meanwhile, I'm letting myself out of the car and hobbling into the doors...barely. J finds the chair, sits me in it and we make our way up the elevator to labor and delivery. My moans alert the nurse to skip introductions or paperwork and just open the door to let us into the first room. All social or procedural expectations out the window, I drop my pants without instruction. The nurse says, "First time?" I said, "No, third." And she jumped into action. When she checked me she started yelling to the staff that there was nothing there (meaning I was fully effaced and dilated) and to call the doctor. I told her the doctor wouldn't make it and it turns out I was right. My body was involuntarily pushing. They wheeled me into the delivery room where I warned the girls that my water exploded last time so beware. With all the excitement, the room was filling up fast. Ten or so nurses chuckled at my comment until they were shocked into a momentary silence as my water broke all over a bystander. "I'm sorry! I warned you!" I said as she assured me it was okay, but she could see the head. To her credit, she didn't tell me not to push, as if that's an option anyway.

My beautiful third born arrived after about three pushes. We hadn't been at the hospital five minutes. My Chacos were still strapped to my feet! 

When I think about that intense hour of my life, it feels a little terrifying but mostly just miraculous. God has given me the most precious gift. All I want to do is hold him all day and stare at his perfection. These little boys are everything to me.

Celebrating Small Miracles

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

-Albert Einstein

Happy Tuesday evening- or perhaps Wednesday morning? I don't know when you're tuning in. I barely know what day it is anymore anyway. I don't want this week to slip by without telling you some of my small miracles that have happened to me as of late. Life is good, y'all and so is this stuff:

Is a bullet list okay? I can't form paragraphs right now.

*Abel has a surgery date! wooohooooooo! I'm leading with the best (Still you should keep reading because the other stuff is cool, too). He is scheduled for his first cochlear implant surgery in early September. If you find yourself in prayer, I hope you'll say some for our sweet little man. We are thrilled for him and, of course, slightly nervous. I'm praying that God will bless the surgeons hands, that Abel will be protected before, during, and after surgery, that our family (of soon to be FIVE) will adjust well to all the changes, and that God will grow our family through this and refocus all our minds on Him.

*Also? Last time we talked about my pregnancy I may or may not have mentioned that my blood pressure was climbing, I was experiencing awful awful heartburn, and had other unpleasant symptoms. I also recently joined up with Young Living. I'm so glad I did. I was a total skeptic, but after the last few weeks of experimenting with different oil combos, I'm a believer! I'll share some of my success stories on here via cute, edited photos because I like to create things just to pin. I'm lame. Anyway, making money with YL was not even on my radar, but hey, I'm not going to turn it down. If you want to sign up under me, let me know. I'll help you in any way I can. I'm pumped about this new (to me) resource to help my family feel better. I might even incorporate some oils into my upcoming labor and delivery. That oughta give the doctor a nice chuckle ;) The best thing that has happened since I started this crazy oil lady journey is this:

I was having the toughest time sleeping because I kept waking up in the night with extreme heartburn and burning bile in my throat (I know, gross. Sorry). Anyway, I was pretty miserable. My mom, who got me into this oily lifestyle, prepared a capsule for me of four drops of Di-Gize plus olive oil and for the first time in four or five days, I slept--gloriously--all through the night with no problems.

In addition, all these hormones sometimes cause headaches. Mine are gone within minutes just by rubbing PanAway on my temples and the back of my neck. These, my friends, are miracles.

* I met a potential friend (and fellow jogger) in our neighborhood today! Most of the people in our hood are older so I was happy, happy, happy when she strolled up with her young son in tow.

* I made it 37 weeks.

What small or big miracles are you celebrating this week?

How To Parent?

Go here. Do this. Don't sleep because the heartburn is so bad. Clean up. Repeat.

My life has been a series of this lately. Over the past six months, Abel has had appointment after appointment. At first they were trying to figure out why he wasn't talking. At first, there were primary care doctors and developmental specialists. Then there were audiologist and ENTs. Now that we know he's deaf, there are all of thee above and then some. After we found out the news, he was added to an early intervention program and I mindlessly signed paper after paper thinking I was doing something that he needed. They pay when our insurance won't so it certainly is beneficial, but there are some aspects of the program that I didn't understand what I was getting us into.

Once a week (which is a lot when he also has speech once a week and I have a doctor appointment weekly, too), someone comes into our home and...tells me how to parent? I don't know. I still haven't figured out her role. In the beginning stages, I thought she would be there to encourage speech development, educational play, or help him with his sign language. We sat down and developed overall family goals that left me feeling like this was some sort of program to help parents who have no idea what they're doing. While it may very well be the case that I'm super overwhelmed by having (soon to be) three kids in diapers, I am also not readily accepting of having someone come in and offering additional advice. The truth is, unless you've been in these shoes, I don't think you quite understand how my day is. Many days, I'm barely making it. If your kids were spaced years apart, if you had a full time job, if your family lived right down the road as you parented--these make one's journey very different. Couple that with not knowing the stress that comes along with having a child who has special needs, it makes it difficult for me to relate. I know people have helpful advice, but I often have a hard time taking it to heart. I know how that makes me sound.
I feel as if the last thing I have time for is to sit down for an hour with someone and take suggestions on how to run my household and family. This woman is sweet...and honestly, I love having another adult to talk to throughout the day. At the same time, these home visits add more stress to me. The house will be perfectly clean and she walks in and suddenly the kids are throwing stuff everywhere. Last time she was here, Abel climbed up on the porch table and threw off all the place mats while Kinley stuffed his head in a plastic bag. It's really no wonder they think I need assistance with motherhood.
And really, the program is voluntary. I just didn't understand that when I first started the program. Now, I feel like I have to do it because I took up the case worker's time and the woman's time by developing these goals and meeting up to sign papers, etc. Last time she was here she asked me to think of some things I wanted to work on next time. I thought all week and couldn't come up with anything that I think she can help me with. I mean, what would make my life easier? Well, for starters, it'd be easier if Abel could hear. This would make trips to the park a lot better because I wouldn't have to be directly in front of him to talk to him while I attempt to wrangle the other toddler out of harm's way in the parking lot. It would be helpful if I could breathe normally whilst doing this. It would be great if I wasn't waddling and feeling as if I'm about to pass out in the heat while we're there. These are things no one can fix right now. I'm okay with that. These are things throughout the day that you just figure out. Unless you're going to grab a kid when he's about to topple off the highest level of the playground out of sheer joy to be outside, I don't think advice will help the situation. Unless you want to push one in the swing while I take off toward the other to encourage him to share the sand toys instead of hoarding them all then I don't quite have time to think about how YOU would have handled the situation. Remember, I'm barely making it.
I can't even focus on what is being said in these sessions because I'm busy parenting. These kids require constant attention. Don't climb that. Don't eat that. Take your fingers out of the toilet. Please find an inside voice BEFORE MAMA GOES ABSOLUTELY NUTS.
I racked my brain, but I just couldn't come up with something for her to help me with. I probably offended her, but I told her I didn't have any goals for her and I wasn't sure where to go from here. She sent me a text and then called suggesting we put off our meetings until after I have the baby and Abel gets his cochlear implants because life will "slow down". I don't think that's entirely true. There will be more audiology and speech appointments. There will be postpartum appointments. There will be new baby appointments. I will have a baby attached to my breast for about a year. Life is not going to slow down. I fear I made her mad when I suggested any of these feelings. It was not my intention. My intention is to make my house as pleasant at possible. I want to parent in a way that I'm proud of, a way that would make my Father in Heaven proud. I want to give my kids a happy childhood. I want to challenge Abel and the rest of my children to be the best people they can be despite any hurdles that might be in their way. I want the walls of this house to be accustomed to laughter and not yelling. Magic not stress. Happiness not worry. And I'm still trying to figure out how to accomplish this. Aren't we all?

36 Week BumpDate

I'm 36 weeks pregnant- officially on my ninth month- and maybe that makes me a little emotional. There are no less than fifty billion things to do and I fear the stress gets to me from time to time. Aside from other unrelated-to-baby-stressors, my mind keeps floating back to labor and delivery. You would think I would be an old pro at this by now! But no two births are the same and if I'm being honest, I'm nervous again. With K, I was induced due to preeclampsia. The labor felt dreadfully long and painful until I got an epidural and was able to relax a bit. With Abel, I labored at home unsure if I was actually in labor until it was almost too late. He came so quickly there was no time for drugs or much worry even. I preferred the latter experience. It was amazing to experience what my body is capable of and to do it without the help of drugs or a doctor (no time to get there). I was blessed to have a studying midwife as my nurse when I got to the hospital and she was incredibly encouraging and knowledgeable about different positions to ease the pain. She truly made me feel like I could do anything! I was up and walking around shortly after birth, feeling amazing (considering).

I just don't want to have high expectations of that happening again. I know I should mentally prepare myself for a csection or an induction or a car delivery...basically just different avenues of lotsa pain. But I have this hope sparking inside that is telling me- it's going to be okay.

I went to the doctor today. I have gained, ahem five pounds since I last was there. I feel it, too. It was a slight cause for concern because you can see the gain in my hands and feet. Additionally, my blood pressure was slightly higher than it has been. We're going to keep an eye on this and my other pre-eclamptic symptoms, but at this point, I am told not to worry.

Baby is the size of: a large cantaloupe *I was told he weighs 6lb 4oz already!

Weight: 148 (+28 lbs total) I'm hoping this is water or some salt issue in my diet. Maybe I'll balance out in a day or two. The five pounds I mentioned earlier came on quickly! I regret tossing most of my maternity clothes after my last pregnancy and I regret not buying more this time around. Nothing fits. I look a hot mess most days.

Cravings: Ice chips. I could not stop crunching ice. It was awful. I googled it and it said that it was likely due to a lack of iron so I popped some prenatals and I do feel better. The craving has subsided for the most part.

Boy/Girl: Still a bouncing baby boy. Can't wait to meet him!

Stretch Marks: a few, yes. I think they'll go away, though. Here's to hoping!

Exercise: Nonexistent. I've gone for walks but not much more than that. My heart rate shoots up too high for any of my regular exercise routines or running. I miss feeling healthy and strong.

New Things: Abel is now recognizing that there's a baby in mama's belly. He'll lift up my shirt and (try to) sign "brother". Or if I sign brother to him, he will point at my belly. The kid is brilliant. I might be biased a bit. Kinley talks about Merit in a way that makes me excited for them to meet. He knows mama is having another baby and he actually seems happy about it. He often says, "Let's get him out!"

What I Miss: breathing normally, sushi, wine, my toned body

What I'm Looking Forward To: That moment when he is placed on my chest and nothing else in the whole entire world matters!

Were you nervous about your second, third, etc labor and deliveries, too? Is it just me being weird?

Bloating, Blating, and Triple Dating

(* If you can come up with a more appropriate, catchy title then I commend you. )

I went shopping today to hopefully find something that I wouldn't feel like an absolute cow in for my upcoming ten year high school reunion. I left with three items -all black- none of which I will likely wear for the event. That is what the third trimester looks like for me. I'm searching for any trick of the eye that will aid me in making me feel like I didn't just swallow two basketballs.

Aside from being largely pregnant, other things are going on, too. For starters, I had a blate (blog date)! I was blessed to be able to meet up with Sarah from Dandelions and Daffodils. She's just as fabulous in real life as she is on her blog. I got to meet her newest addition, too. Dang, they're cute.

Hopefully, there will be more blating in our future. Our meeting was cut short by traffic and doctor appointments- boo. Still, it was a big deal that I got to meet them- even the Nashville news showed up to document the date. ;)

I also finished up all classes until January! I checked my grades this morning and oh my gosh, I did awesome. Not to toot my own horn or anything. One semester left and I'll finally have my Master's. I've been craving this break and I plan to do lots of fiction reading between now and when the baby is born. I see bubble baths, chocolate, and good books in my future.

My boys are doing well. They're wild and sweet and mine. We've been having fun playing outside. Just the other day, another Sarah friend brought them a water toy for outside and they've been living it up. We added an attachment to it, too and now they have a huge worm and caterpillar that shoots out water and extends down much of the yard. What more could little boys want?

Cap'n is doing well, too. He just had a birthday and celebrated thirty one years by buying deck furniture. It's stuff like that that reminds me we're getting old. We did, however, venture out a few weekends ago to Brewfest in Knoxville. 

I was one of three pregnant gals there. I'm guessing it's safe to say we were all there for the pretzel necklaces. Afterward, we went to dinner with the folks we went with and my lips started swelling up like I ate an almond or ten. I ordered a salad, but it didn't have almonds in it- just pecans- so thus began my worry that I'm adding other nuts to my list of allergies. 

How's that for an update?

32 Weeks: A BumpDate

Still pregnant.

Shirt by Clothed With Strength

Although, I wasn't so sure I would be for very long last night. For the past few days, I've had some pretty terrible symptoms that have alarmed me.

Symptoms? difficulty breathing, lower back pain, sharp pains, just an overall uneasy feeling, BH contractions

I'm drinking lots of water today and feeling slightly better, but I do desire your prayers for itty bitty Baby M. He needs to stay put for awhile. I haven't updated since Week 17- wow- so I thought I'd let you know how it's all going for me.

How far along? 32 Weeks
Baby is the size of: a head of lettuce
Weight: 139
Cravings: I haven't felt well lately. Nothing sounds good ever...unless it's chocolate. Of course.
Boy/Girl? I suppose it's still a little boy in there ;) I haven't seen him in awhile.
Exercise: I was doing so well until this last week. I was running (ahem jogging...ahem barely) 2-3 miles at a time and feeling wonderful. The last few days, simply living has felt like a workout. I will not be raising my heart rate for exercise for awhile until I start to feel better. I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to take it easy.
New Things: K now recognizes the baby's name and will talk about him a lot. He also notices when Mama's not feeling well and he checks in with me- "You okay, Money?" He is oh so sweet and caring. Baby M is lucky to have two older, fun, and energetic brothers ready to welcome him into our world.

Bullet Points of Things You Should Know

*I'm trying to figure out if I still blog. I have increasingly picked up my pen and paper journal over the last few weeks, something I haven't done regularly for about a year! I just noticed that some of you were leaving/unsubscribing and I thought you might be tired of me talking about the struggles we've been having lately. Not that it matters, really- I know this is my blog and I can write freely, but at the same time I wonder myself if this is something I should continue to share.
*This busy season of our lives has me away from the computer a lot, too. Yesterday was one of the worst days I've had this entire pregnancy. I woke up feeling sick, but I just tried to ignore and drink lots of water. I went about my day, dropping off the kids at school and decided to go shopping to look for baby items. As I walked through the stores, I stayed near the restrooms thinking that any minute I was going to need them. It was the first trimester all over again. I finally capitulated and came home to rest before I had to pick the boys up at two. When I woke up from my nap, I felt really really awful. When I got home from getting them, I put them to sleep despite one of them already having a nap that day and crawled in bed myself. I spent the evening violently ill and having pretty regular contractions. I was alarmed, but around 11pm last night, I started to feel slightly better.
*I have no less than 80 billion mosquito bites on my pasty white legs. I feel so hot. ;)
*My pal from college has written another book. Book 2 in the Ethereal Underground Trilogy is available today on Amazon! Here's more about it:

Mark of Deceit

By Brooke Kennedy and Briana Gaitan

Book two in the Ethereal Underground Trilogy

Release Date 6/3/2014

Available TODAY at Amazon  $2.99 (Other formats coming soon)

Good Read Summary

Goodreads Link

Website

She thought that her Elders would welcome her back home with open arms…
He thought that she would stay by his side forever…
Now a friend is missing….
They thought the seer’s words were just that…words
But not all is as it seems….

Months later, Ash and Annalise have both returned to their separate lives after their adventure in the forbidden layer of Cabalin, Both of them are struggling to move on with their lives. Fighting has kept Ash busy for the most part, but it allows him to release his frustrations and earn some gems to survive. He thought renouncing the keepers would free him, but he ended up losing his way. Annalise is plagued by nightmares and emotions that are even more out of control than before. She is desperate for an answer, desperate for a way out, until the Elders offer her exactly what she needs: a way to break the bond with Ash in return for her compliance with their own mission

Author Links

Briana Gaitan

www.facebooks.com/booksbybree

www.bookswithbree.com

Brooke Kennedy

www.facebook.com/beneaththesilvermoon

www.brookekennedy.org

Launch Party/ Book Signing

https://www.facebook.com/events/236615703206203/

I hope you'll check it out. I haven't read it yet, but I look forward to it when life slows down a bit here.

*I'm still taking classes. I worked ahead when my latest class became available and was able to do next to nothing for about three weeks. It has been strange. Such a big difference from last semester. I need to get to work and finish up the other four weeks of assignments now. That would be so helpful to not have that to worry about as baby's arrival gets closer and closer.

*In case you didn't know, I'm 29 weeks along. Whoa Nelly.

*Exciting things are coming up for my business. This summer, I'll be attending at least two local 5Ks where I'll be setting up shop. This is your chance to come and shop in person. Follow along on facebook for more information. Additionally, I have several new designs up and coming! We're expanding to provide men's and children's gear, too. Here's the latest shirt. It's my new fav:

Like it? Shop here.

*Ok, I've got to start my day now. Wish me luck that it's not a repeat of tomorrow. Pretty, please?

Love,

Milestones of My Mini(s)

I know my family at least gets a kick out of hearing about the boys and how they're doing so behold- happy news:

Cray K is unbelievably kind at times. He surprises me daily with manners and a sweet demeanor. When he's not pitching fits and being a completely unreasonable two year old, he smiles at me with the biggest grin, reaches up to give me a big hug, or nestles his head onto my shoulder like he would stay there forever if I let him. His teacher at school says he apologizes for everything which makes me feel a little bad because I know he must get that from me. I once apologized to a lean cuisine, after all. Anyway, he often says, "Sorry, Sir" no matter if it's a man or woman or he's done absolutely nothing wrong. It's pretty cute. 

He is also counting. I mean, he has been reciting numbers in order for awhile now, but this evening we were reading and I noticed he was counting animals properly. Child genius*.

When his brother is crying uncontrollably, he stops what he is doing and tries to help the situation. He'll bring a toy over and try to get Baby A to smile or play with the toy. He'll offer a paci or give him a hug. These moments warm my heart.

After bedtime stories and prayers, he runs away when I try to kiss him and tell him goodnight, but I know it's just a part of his game. I can tell by the look in his eyes if I dare leave the room without blowing him a kiss and telling him I love him. He waits for it, depends on it. This kid is precious to me.

Baby A is a pistol. He explores everywhere and everything. His motor skills seem to be more advanced than K's were at this age. He mimics and learns quickly when it comes to things as important as play. He discards this trait when it comes to pesky things like discipline. When I tell him no (with my mad face, sign language, and voice), he giggles and pretends he's going to do it again! At least he's cute.

His little walk is the best. Sometimes he leads with his belly. Other times he's walking with his feet extra far apart as if he is a sumo wrestler. Sometimes he'll squat down a little and creep. It cracks me up. 

While he isn't exercising his newly found independence from us, he is still my sweet baby who wants to come up and lay his head on my lap. His face lights up when he sees me. It doesn't matter if I just escaped to the bathroom a minute ago or I've been gone for hours. He loves his mama and there is a special place for my middle child in my heart.

(P.S. He used the big boy potty the other day, a feat his older brother hasn't mastered.)

Then there's M. The newest family member is now the size of a banana. I can feel him kicking and squirming around a lot more this week and that makes me happy, too. I have been craving chocolate doughnuts by Merita Sweet Sixteen and nothing else will do. I've looked all over this town and there are none to be found. Booooo. Oh, but anyway, we were talking about the baby...I'm already very much in love with him, too. We selected a name and he's already mine. I wonder what he'll look like, how he'll play with his brothers when he's older, when he'll get his first tooth (Big brother just now developed one at 15 months old!), and if his hair will curl like my other boys' does.

This mama is blessed.

(*perhaps a slight exaggeration from proud mama)

BumpDate: 17 Weeks

How far along? 17 Weeks

Baby is the size of: a turnip

Weight:122 (+4)

Symptoms: Some are too awful to even mention. Ugh. This is not a pretty time for me. Let's talk about how I haven't gained much weight with this baby and I'm not showing nearly as much as I did with the other two and yet somehow THIS is the pregnancy that gives me stretch marks. Noooo. I have one or two beside my belly button and I need help. What do you swear by? I'm currently using cocoa butter and baby oil. Perhaps I should drink more water. Let's see...other unpleasant new symptoms include those crazy pregnancy dreams. My mind went absolutely nuts last night which is probably why I'm up bright and early this morning writing to you fine people.

Cravings: chicken salad, fruit loops, cookies (always)

Boy/Girl? We find out next Friday! woo hoo!

Exercise: I've been doing pretty decent keeping up with exercise. I enjoy creating new routines and while I find it difficult to find time to squeeze it in with my kids hanging on my every move, I'm making it work. I feel pretty good, considering.

New Things: Big brother K now kisses my tummy and points to it and says "baby." He used to say it was a baby sister but he has since dropped that notion so we'll see. Big brother A doesn't notice my ever growing middle at all and scares me half the day when he runs up to tackle me or climb all over. Poor baby probably can't get any rest in there, I'm sure.

14 Week BumpDate

Baby is the size of: a navel orange

Weight: 120 (+2)

Symptoms: heartburn, racing heart, anxiety, dizziness, smells are gross

Cravings: Sonic cheese sticks

Boy/Girl: Each time I've been able to get a reading of the baby's heart rate, it has been high. My twitter pals tell me that means it's likely a girl, according to the old wives tale. I don't know what I think. I suppose we'll find out soon enough.

Exercise: I've been trying to run, but I feel more like an elephant trotting but not covering any ground. I am slow.

New Things: Belly is way out. I'm in the 2nd trimester. Hallelujah to the latter.

New This Week

In an effort to keep things current around here (who knew motherhood to mobile children was so time consuming? ;) ), I thought I'd talk all about what's new. I'm hip like that. Take for instance...

My new shirt and hair! I went blonde(ish) again. I'm just happier this way. In addition, I treated myself to a new shirt/jacket because I never do that sort of thing and I loved this one. I found her at a cute little boutique in the town I live in and it was half off. Score.

If I posted the Best Week Ever with Mrs. K like one popular blogger you might know, I would totally  include The Biggest Loser Finale. It might be the coolest thing on t.v. these days. You probably know that I love the whole show, but the last night is always my favorite. It's inspiring to see these people transforming their bodies and lives...and doing it without some silly diet or scheme. Good ole fashioned hard work in the gym and eating healthy foods can and will change you. I just love seeing that reminder, although I will admit that I ate three Krystals while watching the finale. What? It was for the baby ;) Just look at these transformations:

Winner: Rachel

At Home Winner: Tumi

There were so many others, but I can't google all day, people. I've got priorities.

Moving on...While those folks are losing this Mama is gaining. I'm up to 120lbs and my belly is definitely poking out despite people telling me often that they can't tell I'm pregnant. My secret is flattering shirts on repeat. I'm 12 weeks along this week and I got to see my littlest babe wiggle and squirm in an ultrasound yesterday to check for abnormalities. Thus far, the baby is measuring normally. My heart melted when I saw baby #3 moving and shaking. What a miracle, ya know? I mean, at just 12 weeks there's a tiny living baby inside. It's not a bunch of cells, it's a human with legs and a heart and sweet little arms moving all about. It's amazing.

My silly toddler's new favorite phrase is "Oh dear". You can tell who he hangs out with most, eh? And Baby A? He is all over the place. He's walking well now and it still confuses me. I think I know where he is in the house judging by the absence of knees hitting the floor as he crawls and where I left him, but nope! That boy is a walking machine. Hard to keep up with. I'm so proud.

Knock on wood lots of times, but I THINK the sickness has finally left our house. If we're friends on IG or FB, you know that we had a rough last couple of weeks. We all got sick and then better and then sick again. It has been gross but we survived.

Also new? I've got a cool review coming up for ya. Sneak peak:

All that and it's only Wednesday! I hope you have a great rest of the week, friends.

Love,

10 Week Bumpdate

I have had absolutely zero desire to document this pregnancy process. The only thing in the back of my mind was that I had faithfully posted photos and info with K & A and I was going to leave this poor little one out? Ugh. I guess I can't do that. Plus lots of people said they "couldn't wait" for my weekly posts to start about the baby on my blog. If that was you and you were being sarcastic- ha! Joke's on you because I sorta believed you. I'm sorry. Anyway, I assure you these won't happen every week because I can't stick to that sort of commitment. It's too much pressure. I shall update you as I see fit...and ten weeks felt like a good place to start!

Baby is the size of: a prune

Weight: 118 (+0)

Symptoms: I have been so sick. Some days, I can't drag myself off the couch longer to make food for the kids and change their stinky diapered bottoms. I have had a few gloriously mostly sick-free days lately and so I'm hoping the all day sickness is on its way out of my life.
I also have headaches, shortness of breath, racing heart, and backaches, in case you were wondering.
Cravings: Lucky Charms (and yes, I totally indulged)

Boy/Girl: We don't know what this little one is obviously, but when I ask K what he thinks he usually says "Baby Sister". I will be happy to just be a boy mom, but I know I'll be thrilled to hear I'm having a girl, too. I guess we will find out in about 6-10 weeks. At my first ultrasound, the doctor's first words were, "Well, there's only one" and I was thanking the good Lord for that!

Exercise: On my good days, I've been getting active. I haven't modified many of my workouts, although when I go for a run and I am much slower than I was. I also don't run as far. Typically, I run a 5k and call it a day. As far as other workout days? I've been doing T25 and lots of pinterest workouts + cardio.

New Things: Last week, I just looked like I had a few too many cheeseburgers. This week, I definitely popped out a bit. I look pregnant now. I always seem to show early, though. I'll spare you the picture. I'm still embracing the changes my body is going to go through again and until then...black is my friend.

The Frye Boot Meltdown of 2013

I was having an emotional day anyway. It was our only day as a family of four to enjoy the Christmas season and Captain J was standing in front of me suggesting we spend it in the car as we took the kids to drop them off at his parents' house, in the crowds as HE last minute shopped, and in the hustle and bustle of people while I just wanted to hang out with my little family that will soon be growing to five. He talked me into it, though with promises of food and a date day. Off we went.

We arrived, kid-free, in Knoxville's busiest shopping area. Ok, I'm just guessing here. It always feels like everyone and their brother is there. Anyway, we start making a little progress and J says, "Why don't we go look for you some boots? Where do they sell Frye boots?" I directed him to the parking lot of Belk and we walked inside. When in the shoe department, I lifted the heel of my beloved boots off the plastic display to view the price fully expecting to see around $200-250. What I saw instead made me sit the pair quickly down as if they were hot to the touch. $385. Whew. I always have had expensive taste. I started shopping around to find a brand that I liked that wasn't as expensive. I found a lovely pair of tall, tan boots that were at a much more affordable price. I liked them a lot. J kept saying, "You should at least try on the Frye boots and see if there's a difference." I put them on and you know what? There totally was a difference. Still, I couldn't bring myself to pay that much. I was still rockin' my favorite boots from Tarjay that I have had for 5 years now that costs me all of $11.99.
Captain J began saying, "You should just get the Frye boots. It's Christmas. YOU DESERVE IT!" That last sentence is what got me. I totally DON'T deserve four hundred dollar boots. Nothing I've done this year or ever would make me deserve such a treat. I quickly told the salesperson that I was still trying to decide and had him put away both pairs of shoes. Captain J looked at me like I was nuts (I get that a lot) as we walked back out to the car. Once inside, he said, "Why don't you want the pair of boots?" That's when I started crying. OVER BOOTS.

People often belittle my mission with my children. Opinions are offered when they're not asked for and every word gets written down in my brain. Some believe because I don't have a job that pays that I'm not living up to potential. It's laughable to me, but some of those same individuals believe that I'm also not working hard daily. Most of these people have no idea. These messages are reverberated in families, circles of friends, media, and our society as a whole. It's difficult to ignore. I soak these words up, keep them in my brain when I shouldn't. Furthermore- Mom to mom, stay at home mothers and working mothers, we attack each other. We argue saying I do this, I do that. We assert that our own way is always harder. These messages we send each other don't build us up. They break both of us down. Honestly, it gets in my head. Makes me question myself. Makes me start to believe that I'm not doing anything with my life or my childrens' except surviving. That's the real root of why I was crying.
I don't need four hundred dollar boots. That's for certain. I also don't need the other deliciously lovely boots that were only one hundred bucks. What I also don't need is a bunch of people in my life who are of the opinion that my job staying home with these two precious boys isn't a noteworthy dedication of my time. When these messages and thoughts creep in, I tend to get busy with a personal goal of mine. I take it out in my writing or in my quest for education. It makes me feel a little better. Sometimes, though...when hormones are surging through my pregnant body and I start thinking unclearly, I break down over a silly (albeit super cute) pair of tall tan riding boots.

Pregnancy: It's not for the faint of heart.

Pregnancy Fitness & Soft Body Woes

You know what's hard? Getting fat after I've worked diligently all year to be comfortable and proud of my body. I look down and I don't see a hard body that has been eating better and lifting weights and running. I see a soft body, as if I've never ran a day in my life. It's difficult to go through pregnancy after pregnancy with low self-esteem. My face breaks out. I have odd discoloration on my skin. My belly is expanding so early as it always does. I look like I'm carrying a couple extra cheeseburgers, not a life and I'm only roughly six or seven weeks along. I feel so thankful to be able to carry our children when I know so many cannot, but still the thoughts creep in. I suppose the only way to keep them at bay is to continue training and that's what I've been doing. I'm dedicated to staying active and healthy as long as I can.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was keeping up with a pretty rigorous routine and I committed to sticking with it until the doctors told me otherwise-

I started focusing on my legs and backside with this workout. Try it!

Then Annalise posted the Air Force BMT Fitness Standards so I tried to see where I was at with that. I think I'll keep working on this. I'd like to improve and get to the highest level. Something to work toward anyway.

But despite staying motivated, I'm getting slower. Running seems to take twice the effort these days. Perhaps it's in my head, but I've almost added a whole minute to my normal mile.

What did you do to stay active during a pregnancy?

Birth Story- Baby A

(First of all, let me start by saying I like to keep things pretty neat and clean around here. With that being said, I'm also going to tell you a lot about my birthing experience with Baby A so if that sort of thing weirds you out...well, you'll have to just check back in in a few days. Ye be warned.)

My mom and sister arrived Sunday night after driving all day to get here from Tennessee. They came with plans to help us out, especially in regard to watching Cray K while we headed to the hospital for my induction day on Monday morning. I went to bed that night feeling quite uncomfortable. I wasn't necessarily contracting, but my back was killing me and my nerves were completely shot. I was a mess, worrying about every little thing about the impending birth. I was told to wake up at 5am to come into the hospital to be induced. Instead, I woke up around 2 o'clock in the morning in pain. The contractions in the middle of the night thing was nothing new to me so I didn't think much of it until they became worse. By 3am I was calling the hospital to ask their opinion on if I should go ahead and come in. The nurse told me, "You should come in when your contractions last a minute and are coming every five minutes." I was torn. My contractions were three minutes apart, but only lasting about 40 seconds. This sounds absurd to me now--GO IN MRS. K! But I was still worried about my husband getting a little extra shut eye because I'm still thinking I'm going to be induced and it's going to be a very long day. Naturally, I decided to blog.

I find it hilarious that I typed up a post in active labor before even telling my dear husband that he was about to be a dad to TWO!

Anyway, at 3:30am, I woke up Captain J and told him we should probably head that way because my contractions were pretty close together. I suppose I didn't understand or reiterate the severity of the situation because I soon found my dear husband slowly making preparations for the day. Hmm...what to wear? What sort of coffee should I make? Just where is that special coffee mug I like? Oh, look a toy in the floor, I'll pick that up! That's what it seemed like he was thinking. We were finally on the road by 4am. On the 30 minute drive to the hospital, he soon learned that I was pretty serious about this pain and he spent the drive telling me that I really should have roused him from his slumber much sooner. Obviously, I started thinking that, too. Ouch, those contractions were no joke!

I was attempting not to be dramatic so we followed all the rules. We stopped at every red light. We slowly pulled into the post gates for ID checks. We parked. And then it hit me. I have to walk in without crying hysterically like a crazy pregnant woman (because aren't those women sooo dramatic?). I walked into the hospital doors and J grabbed a wheelchair for me which I was grateful for. By the time we reached labor and delivery, I was full-on ohmygoshthisistotallyit!

The front desk nurse also noticed this too and quickly hurried me to a room. Minutes later I became that pregnant woman I secretly judged. There were no dainty moans or lady-like complaints escaping my lips as I labored. Oh, no. I sounded more like a body builder trying to break his dead lift record. I was so ashamed. I barely got into my gown before I was all- WHERE IN THE WORLD IS THAT ANESTHESIOLOGIST? The nurse hesitantly told me that I was 5cm and that he would get there as soon as he could, but he wasn't actually in the hospital. I tried not to cry. I think I succeeded. Another nurse walked in asking me if I'd like to get in the shower. Perhaps I'd like to stand up and sway back and forth? Or maybe I'd like a birthing ball. My first thought was, but but I just want some druuuuugs! Clearly, that wasn't an option at the moment so I told her I would take the birthing ball. I sat down as instructed and within minutes, I'm telling her, "I'm burning! I feel like I should push!" I feel confident that she thought I was a total nutcase as I was just at 5 not too long ago. She must have registered my terror because she decided to check for herself. The two nurses are very encouraging as they say, "Okay, you're ready to go!" I had already progressed to 10.

In strolls the man with syringe in hand ready to place that gloriousness in my back to numb the whole experience. He tells me he can still give me the epidural if I'd like. After all, the doctor isn't in the hospital either and he'll have to be called. To Captain J's astonishment, I turned him away. Why would I numb myself now? It would probably only have kicked in after the fact and I wouldn't be able to walk for hours afterward for no reason. I distinctly recall J saying, "Are you sure you don't want it?" with much confusion on his face.

I wasn't in the mood for talking, though. I was still grunting like a body builder and trying not to have a baby since I was not exactly encouraged to push, as if that is really an option in that moment. I finally got out that I didn't want the epidural, all I wanted was the doctor to get there so I could just make this end. I'm sure I had a little more tact than I'm remembering now, but probably not much more.

There was no breaking down of the bed.
There were no stirrups.
I simply rolled over and after very few pushes, there's a perfect, slimy, gooey little baby laying on my tummy. In that moment, there was absolutely zero pain. There was only this living miracle staring back at me. I was all smiles. I couldn't believe it. It all happened so quickly.
Over the next hour, I got to hold my newborn skin-to-skin, just like I desperately wanted to do with K but didn't have the opportunity to do. Captain J stayed close by, soaking in the newness of being a father all over again. He also got to cut the cord this time which made him even happier.
I wouldn't change a thing, of course. Baby and I are doing great! I was up and walking shortly after I delivered, feeling like a million bucks. Recovery thus far has been quite different and I much prefer this time around. I never thought I'd say it, but maybe the no pain killer route is the way to go.
I thank God for this precious gift he has given us. A has been such a delight. I spend my days cherishing his sweet sleeping frame on me, breastfeeding him, changing him, and doing the same with big brother, K. Life is so so sweet. Sometimes I just want to hit the pause button and stay in this scene forever.

P.S.- Thank you all very much for the congrats via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Email, Texts. We're home as you probably know and we're all doing well.

Love,

Baby Day!

Photo Credit

Well, hello readers! It's 3am on baby day. As you may know, I'm scheduled for an induction in about two hours however I've been up for over an hour with pretty regular contractions. I hope this is it! I appreciate all of your kind words of support and prayer as I have been very nervous. I feel your prayers, though and I'm so excited to meet Baby A. I will post again soon when I can.

Love,

Icing on the Cake

On the eve of such an important event, like bringing life into this world, you would think I'd have something profound to say. You might imagine that I would be gushing- saying I can't wait to meet the new little one. Really, I can't. I can't wait to see him, hold him, and let him know how much he's loved already. Still, my heart is conflicted. I don't want to leave K and have him wondering where I am for days while I stay at the hospital. I don't want him to miss out on any time with me. I can't stand the thought of him feeling less important to me now. All day today, I've been trying to hold back tears. His little world is about to be turned upside down and I can only pray that he handles it well. I love him so much. 

Who wouldn't? He's precious.

Yesterday, on our last weekend as a family of three, we went to Lake Charles to try out a new park. Unfortunately, the park was very new and it's not quite completed yet. Still, we walked along the docks downtown and got lucky to see a Christmas parade going on right where we parked! Bands played, Santa cheerily walked by in his t-shirt, and young girls with enormous jeweled crowns rode by on nice cars. It didn't quite feel like Christmas at eighty degrees, but it did feel nice. I enjoyed having this sweet time with J and K...and knowing that soon we'll have even more love to spread around in our family this week was icing on the cake.

I Cannot Help It

Source: paperblanks.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

All day I have cleaned because I couldn't come here. Maybe you would say I'm nesting, but me? I know better. Baby A feels so far away. I haven't had any contractions. Aside from a little nausea this morning, I've felt pretty good. It has been my best day in a long while. This is supposed to be good news and I'll admit, it was nice, but at the same time I'm wondering why. I wonder why I had contractions so often when it was too early for him to come, worrying myself into a frenzy. Now that he is full term, it's like he's going to be in there forever. I know he's not. I'm told I'll meet him in just six short days, but it has yet to feel real.

And so I cleaned today.

What I really wanted to do was come to the keyboard and type. I wanted to say so much, but I knew you didn't want to hear it. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't and now here I am.