Mega Update!

Those of us who stay at home, who pour our words into this space on the Internet, who otherwise would only be celebrating surviving until nap time can understand my excitement that this very post is my 1,000th one on this blog. I'm glad I have this space that I can come to when I'm happy, when I'm frustrated, or when I just need to connect with someone outside of the walls of this home and it means a lot to me that you come by and chat with me.

Today isn't anything special. I just wanted to write without thinking. I'll update you on what's going on in our world as much as I can.

We'll start with this one:

He is a handful. Lately, he has me questioning everything. I suppose that's what kids do, though. They keep you on your toes, but as my peers talk about how life is getting easier with their toddler/preschool aged kiddo I just keep thinking how true that isn't for me. There's lots of grunting, screaming, fit pitching, and whining going on around here. And forget playing nicely with the little bro! It ain't happening. K is frustrated by the babe more often than not. He doesn't enjoy the attention Baby A gets when he walks a long way. He doesn't like sharing his toys with him and he really doesn't like when he doesn't get his way. I know this is all par for the course, but day in and day out of it and it wears on me. I feel that I'm not being an effective parent and it scares me.
We are potty training, too. That is also not going so well. I've tried just about everything, but I don't think he cares anything about being a big boy. He wants me to change his diapers forever*. He's sweet, though too. This morning, as we were sitting in the bathroom hoping for a success, I told him, "You need to start going to potty in the big boy potty. You are not a baby anymore and I know you can do it!" He just looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, Money (that's what he calls me for some reason)". Perhaps he's not ready, but again I just don't know what I'm doing here. On top of it all, he won't nap anymore.
It's not all bad, though. He's finally sitting at an adult spot at our table and using his utensils frequently. He also got a haircut (and was an angel) and he looks like a college boy. He's growing up before my eyes and half the time I'm wishing to soak in every time he asks me to play trains or read him a story. The other half of the time, I'm trying not to pull out every hair on my head as the other baby boy gives me a run for my money.

He's a pill, too.

We're struggling with him. You probably know by now about his hearing and/or developmental delay. We are still trying to get that sorted out. It's a long, boring story but the hearing test has been pushed back more times than I can count. Supposedly, we will be seeing a new doctor on the 29th and he will have the test then. I have a sense of peace about it. Whatever it is, it will be just fine. That doesn't make life any easier here, though. His shrieks are almost constant. Screaming to talk, screaming for food, screaming for attention, screaming for no apparent reason at all. It wears on me. As an introvert, I enjoy quiet moments to myself while physical closeness drains me. Baby A has become very needy and is always hanging on me, begging to be heard. I think that's why he screams so much because he can't talk and he wants to communicate so badly. It is hard on us. K starts screaming right back and they have their own little angry language. I end up going a little crazy more and more everyday.

He's precious, though. I'll knock on wood as I say this, but he does still take a good nap and sleeps pretty good at nighttime. I'm so thankful for that. He still loves to eat anything you put on his plate. He has also grown two inches in the last two months. Sometimes I look at him and can't believe how tall he is. It seems like he's still my baby, but he's not. He has moved to the role of big brother already!

I love my boys very much. As you can see, they're my life.

I do try to have a life outside of them as much as time doesn't really allow that. When given the opportunity, I try to keep up with my fitness goals. I also attempt to write on some of my projects, but as you can imagine those have come to a standstill. With no glorious nap time to be productive, I have all but given up on writing for awhile. That's okay.

Recently, I joined a group of ladies who are starting a new bible study on marriage. I'm thankful to have that time away and I know it will be something I look forward to each week. In addition, I think J and I are going to start attending a bible study together on Wednesday evenings as well.

It's a start in finding time away from the kids for a few minutes as we spend time together.

I spend my days asking God to have me die to myself and start living for Him, for these boys and their dad. I knew when I got pregnant the first time that the thing I would struggle with most would be selfishness. Three kids later and I am still struggling. I just want to encourage you if you're feeling the same way. It's okay to enjoy a routine and thrive off of quiet, reflective time. Kids throw that out of whack so much, but it's only normal. It will get easier. I just know it.

(*only slightly dramatic)

Christmas List

My man always waits until the last minute to go Christmas shopping. Not me. I like to buy in advance so I'm not stressed out by the time the big day rolls around. I almost always have a few that I need to pick up a few days before Christmas, though. It never fails. I'm not where I'd like to be on our list, but hopefully we'll get there. As usual, I thought I'd make it easier on J when he goes out shopping. Not that he's not good at choosing gifts for me- he is. BUT...I am diggin' these:

Do you shop well under pressure? I don't. Yesterday, I was feeling the stress of SEVEN DAYS and I wandered around aimlessly after the two gifts I went after were nowhere to be found. I was power walking through our tiny little mall like no one's business, but I wasn't getting anywhere. Sigh.

Tis the Season.

All I Need To Know

All day, words and thoughts float through my mind, much like you. Perhaps not like you, though, I have the urge to get them out in writing. I want to somehow capture my day to day in a poetic way. One that forgives the messy stories of diapers and snotty noses and highlights the excitement of finding Alf the Elf each morning or the twinkle in their eyes when we all clap and sing songs together in the afternoon. It's not that I want to perfectly crop out all that is unfavorable about my day. It's that I want to shine light on all the amazing parts of my days that I collect while staying home with our sweet boys. I am constantly thinking, "Oh, I should write that down" when my toddler says something funny, but it rarely happens and then the memory is replaced with appointments to make and booboos to kiss. The business of Mom is such a rewarding one. At night when we say our prayers and I turn out the lights, I can hear "Yove you" and it's all I need to know at the end of the day.

December Goals

I made some blanket type goals for 2013- the kind those in the psychology world know to be Crappy Goals (ok, I made that up). I wanted to get fit. I wanted to read more. I wanted to write more. There were others, but as I typed out just what I wanted to accomplish this year, it was only half-heartedly that I did so. Goals should be measurable and specific, something all of these lacked. When I saw Laura write out her goals for this month alone, I started thinking- Why wait until New Years to get crackin' on the things I want in my life? Here's what I'm working on this month:

1. 10,000 words on novel- I have begun writing the next great fiction novel. Get excited, folks! Seriously, though...I want to reach at least 10,000 words making the total word count around 13,000 by the end of the month.
2. Drink 3 camelbaks of water daily (at least!)
3. Workout 4x (at least) per week
4. Bring Christmas Cheer to our neighbors (deliver cookies, write a sweet note, caroling) (bahaha on that last one). What an odd practice caroling is...so I'm totally kidding with that one. I can't carry a tune in a bucket.
5. Start and Finish homemade gift for my sweet Cray K. I look forward to showing you all this one!

What are your goals for the last month of 2013?

Uninspired

When I get the kids to sleep at the same time, it feels like I hit the jackpot. The only problem is the big decision of how that time should be used. Tonight, for example, I came home to a messy house after a whirlwind packing spree and abandoned dishes from the mornings breakfast. I needed to clean. I wanted to blog. I straightened up what really needed to be done and then I sat down in front of the computer. And then?

Nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

I don't have a darn thing to share that any of you would remotely care about so...

Hi, Writer's Block...you son of a gun. You're not really welcome 'round these parts.

Luckily, I have Pinterest for inspiration and boredom prevention. Here are some good things I've found lately-

Source: thinkin-bout-you1.blogspot.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

(This from the girl who just dropped a TON of money on 600 Thread Count Sheets, new foam pillows, and a pretty polka dot iPad cover. Sorry, honey. You shouldn't leave me--Retail therapy is so comforting!)

Source: etsy.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

(If ever you think to yourself, "What could I buy Mrs. K?" Look no further.)

Source: livfitclothing.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

(I've been LIVING in workout clothes lately. It inspires me to get my lazy butt out of bed in the mornings if I put them on at night. Too bad they're so expensive...I love this.)

Source: thefreshexchangeblog.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

(Our next adventure starts on February 1st! Florida bound.)

How do you deal when you feel uninspired?

I Cannot Help It

Source: paperblanks.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

All day I have cleaned because I couldn't come here. Maybe you would say I'm nesting, but me? I know better. Baby A feels so far away. I haven't had any contractions. Aside from a little nausea this morning, I've felt pretty good. It has been my best day in a long while. This is supposed to be good news and I'll admit, it was nice, but at the same time I'm wondering why. I wonder why I had contractions so often when it was too early for him to come, worrying myself into a frenzy. Now that he is full term, it's like he's going to be in there forever. I know he's not. I'm told I'll meet him in just six short days, but it has yet to feel real.

And so I cleaned today.

What I really wanted to do was come to the keyboard and type. I wanted to say so much, but I knew you didn't want to hear it. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't and now here I am.

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

This topic has been floating around the blogging community lately. The first post I read I knew I wanted to throw in my two cents, too. By hiding behind my computer screen, I can paint the perfect picture of what my life looks like or what I want my life to look like. I choose what you see. But sometimes I try to let you in a little more- I try to give you glimpses into my struggles and my daily life. I know I appreciate when bloggers are real. Usually when I do write posts that aren't all that positive, I receive negative emails/comments. But I don't let them get to me too much. Because this blog? It's me. Take it or leave it.

Via

*I'm pregnant. You probably knew that if you frequent my blog. What you don't know? I look like I'm about six months pregnant. No joke. The cute little photo I posted a week ago is not what I look like right now. I showed so quickly and I'm only 11 weeks along. I can't believe how much I'm showing as I go throughout the day. It's exhausting to carry my nine month old and apparently my tee tiny little fetus and know it's only just the beginning. I'm afraid to say it, but I'm not one of those people who enjoys being pregnant. I actually think it's miserable and I hate to say that when so many of my friends are struggling right now to conceive. It makes me sound ungrateful. Don't get me wrong- I'm so excited and happy for this child, but the process of meeting him or her is not my favorite thing to do.

*This one is hard for me: We no longer have Drifter living with us. I haven't mentioned it on purpose because some people are so judgemental when it comes to pets. We gave him to a lady who lives in the area who has another husky. They get along famously. We just couldn't handle him anymore. It wasn't just one little thing. It was a culmination of several things. He couldn't be trusted inside around the baby. Outside, he was ruining the yard, making our landlords mad, and costing us hundreds of dollars trying to repair what he repeatedly destroyed. We tried everything we could think of, but when he started growling at kids- that was the last straw. We're not going to live our lives in fear that he might hurt our kids- inadvertently or not. I feel as if we are awful doggy parents for letting him go, but I feel confident in our decision as human parents and that role means way more to me. Holly is the only K-9 in our lives now and she is spoiled rotten once again. We miss Drifter occasionally when we think back to all the fun times we had with him. I imagine if we still lived in Alaska, we'd have him until the day he died, but he just couldn't handle life here in our growing family. Judge me if you must, but we did what was right for us.

*I'm a registered Republican. Some might (and have) called me a bible thumping Republican. I try not to get into politics much on my blog because it's not worth it to me. I've learned that I'm probably not going to be swayed much by what YOU have to say in that department and you probably won't change your mind based on whatever information I provide to you either. But there's something I simply can't ignore and those are blanket statements. They come from both sides and they're ignorant and ridiculous. If you make one, I'll probably take you off my mental list of 'people that can carry on intelligent conversation'. "Liberals are lazy. Republicans are greedy. Christians are stupid" et cetera- I can't stand to see this on my facebook and twitter feeds. We're probably all guilty to some degree, but it's such a backward way of thinking. Along these same lines, I don't like when people assume that because I label myself as a conservative that I must believe a certain way. Yes, I'm a right leaner, but no I don't care if gay people want to get married. Yes, I'm a Christian, but no I don't think that it's my place to judge anyone based on who they love. I just think politics should be reserved for things like, oh say, THE ECONOMY?! I don't know if you've noticed lately, but there's a lot that needs to be worked on in that department.

*My facebook job title reads "Freelance Writer", but I haven't sold anything or even written anything that I'm proud of lately. I sit down at the computer to do so and then the oven dings, the dryer buzzes  or the baby cries and I run off to do the things around the house that have to be done. Life calls. The {little} money I make on this ole blog is the only thing I contribute to our family with financially and that still bothers me on some level even though I've accepted that God wants me to stay at home with our children for now.

*On that note, I'm not currently working on my Master's either. I took another break. I couldn't do it. Well, that's a lie. I can do it, I just want to be able to focus on it and not worry that I'm not going to do well. I made it a goal of mine when I graduated college that if I went back, I would get a 4.0 with my next degree. As it stands, that is still an option for me but last semester I just barely came out of it with an A. Because Captain J is in grad school right now, I just didn't have the help I needed with the baby because he was busy with his work, too. I hope to go back when he finishes his up.

Allow me to sum it up for you-

I'm not perfect, folks. I hope we're still friends!

XOXO,
Mrs. K

Miss Spelling

Today, the girls are talking about that one word that we just can't seem to spell correctly. I used to be such a good little speller. I was so proud to bring home my spelling list and effortlessly let the letters roll off my tongue as I aced every single word. I was a spelling rock star, you could say.

When the spelling bee rolled around, I was confident. "I could TOTALLY win this thing", I thought to myself. I spelled a few words correctly and patiently waited in line to receive (i before e except after c!) my next word. As I stepped up to the microphone, the awaited word rang through my ears. It made me nervous because I just wasn't completely sure of myself and this particular spelling. Now before you ask, I can't recall what that word was. What I do recall is sputtering out unintelligible, wrong letters and being asked to leave the stage after hearing, "Good try, but..."

My ever-lovin', spelling machine heart was crushed. I did a side step back to the microphone and hopefully told the administrators what I had meant to say and spelled the word correctly. Unfortunately for me, they told me it was too late.

Despair.

I suppose this marked the end of my spelling career, thus making me disregard many spelling rules forever. I no longer cared if I could spell the longest word known to man, nor did I care about those silly little words like "a lot". Okay, I take it back. I do care about "a lot"...it's two words, not one, ya know.

Anyway, try as I might, I can't care about spelling anymore. It's just not in me. Most times I don't even use spell check before I hit publish on this blog. But sometimes, when I'm using the word judgment...I feel the need to double check.

Why, oh why is there not an "e" after the "g". In my heart of hearts, I am passionate about this. It doesn't make sense.

And that darn word trips me up every time.

What word do you have trouble with?

Untitled

A man was wondering through the woods that had become his new home. He had The North Face vest on ,that when purchased, the cute girl at the register assured him that he needed. He wasn't sure how true it was, but what he was sure of now was that he needed to start looking for a place to stay. A tent in the winter just wasn't going to cut it. The swift breezes coming off the crystal blue glacial water reminded him that winter wasn't far away. With his outgoing, stubborn best friend in tow, he set out on an adventure. He wasn't sure just where his feet may wander nor did he understand just how much land his buddy's paws could cover, but he felt prepared for whatever Alaska would throw at him. He was ready for just about anything- anything but her...

Ok so maybe none of this is true, but this is my blog and I do what I want! ;) Do you ever just look at photos and wonder what is going on in them? If you're like me, you begin creating a story for the images whether it's factual or not. I took a photo journalism class my freshman year in college. That wasn't the given title of the class, but we did more of that than anything. To this date, it has been one of my favorite classes. My guess is this is because I got to use my imagination freely. As I started out on this NaNoWriMo journey, I wanted to write down my stories. You know, the one my grandkids' grandkids could read many years from now to learn about how their family tree had come about all those years ago. My hope is that it isn't boring, although I have my doubts. I have over 11,000 words now, but I find myself being drawn to the more creative writing styles that fiction could offer.

Maybe I'm just tired of the truth. Maybe I need a little fiction in my life today. Unfortunately for you, this blog will pacify my need for that right now.

In the words of Gaylord Focker, "Can you deal with that?"

 

Read, Write, Repeat

I've been writing like crazy the past few days and enjoying every minute of it! Not only have I been keeping all of you updated on this blog, but I've also begun my project of writing an entire book in the month of November! Lofty, aye? Well, it all started when I read about this project, NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) a couple of months ago. I though to myself, 'What a great way to kickstart writing! I couldn't possibly be involved in something with such a ridiculous name, though.' So I went on about my day as if I hadn't read anything of the sort. I kept seeing it, though- nagging at me, bidding me to start something. I blame this girl for posting the final big sign to jump onto the bandwagon! So what if I'm moving across the country this month? So what if I have to pack? So what if I'm busy saying my goodbyes, driving for ten days, and getting settled in a new town? I'm going to do this! You know what? I've already got 9,000 words and you betcha I'm still counting. I'll be sure to let you in on this process as it develops.

In the meantime, I've been reading a lot. I have so many reviews to write, but I have a feeling those will be very late. If I'm not writing my new brilliant novel mediocre nonfiction, I'm snuggled on the couch reading another book. I was looking around at Barnes and Noble the other day and I found so many new (or new to me) books that I can't wait to read. These are on my list (although I probably won't purchase any because my birthday and Christmas are coming up!):

What a variety, huh? Lately, I've read Choosing To See, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and Skeletons at the Feast so be sure to look for those reviews in the coming weeks. What are you reading these days?

A bunch of nothing

Sometimes one just needs to write. The idea of catharsis is one that has diminished in popularity among friends, but it's always gaining popularity in the counseling field. After all, what is counseling if it's not having someone who is paid to listen to you? Sure, there are helpful therapists out there, but what we, as human beings, really need is just someone to listen to us. Perhaps that's why I write so often. It's a type of catharsis for me, a release. So, as I sit here with a glass of wine and wide eyes, I wonder, did that just happen?

I won't go into details, but I'll let you know the ballpark I'm in: I don't understand why people feel the need to put others down in order to make themselves feel better. I've seen this on a much larger scale all over the news this week, but what I'm referring to are those little jabs, those small one -liners that cut right to your core. There are people in my life that can accomplish this with ease. When something in their life gets rough, their first step on their own personal road to recovery is to criticize mine. If you have to start a sentence with, "At least..." or some other mean spirited comparison phrase then I probably don't NEED to hear that. Jus' sayin.' The weird thing is- I don't really care enough to feel really bad about it. I mean, I know what this person said is far from truth and they probably don't really believe what was said either and it was just a way for them to release as well. I'm not mad or sad, just slightly irritated because this isn't the first time this person has graced me with their careless tongue. I just pray that I can search my heart and find forgiveness for them because it truly is a small, miniscule thing. The idea that keeps resounding in my head though is, why do I continue to entertain their insecurities? I'm not sure.

What else is going on with me? Well, aside from that minor annoyance earlier, I'm doing great. Jordan and I have a lot of exciting news. For starters, Captain J received his selection letter for a big bad army school (removed). Yeah, that's right...the big time. People keep asking me how I feel about this and I'm not sure I know how to respond. I mean, most people immediately say, "Oh, I'm sorry, Kace..." which tells me I truly don't know what I'm getting myself into! The role of an (removed) wife? Can I handle that? I know we'll make it work if that's where God wants Captain J to be. Above all worries and fears, I'm happy for him. I know this is what he wants career-wise so I support him. This summer will provide insight into what the next few years of our lives will look like so I'm excited to see what happens. Captain J will be sent off sometime this summer to go into the next phase of selection. Prayers are very much appreciated!

The most thrilling news, in my opinion, is the fact that I have in my possession two tickets to Hawaii for the month of June! Captain J and I are finally getting our honeymoon that we didn't get to have. It's going to be such a blessing to be able to visit somewhere warm, tropical, and gorgeous after having spent a winter in Alaska. We plan on finishing up our Scuba Diving Certification, fishing, and relaxing on the beach. 10 days of uninterrupted bliss...I cannot wait!

Many times people ask what's up with ME and I really don't have much of an answer for them. Sometimes it  feels as if my life is so closely intertwined with Captain J's that I don't have much of a life outside of him, but I know that's not true. So, to enlighten you on what's going on in my world, I will say that I'm pretty content in doing a whole bunch of nothing. Many of you have sent me encoraging emails, comments, messages, and phone calls telling me I should publish my writing. I don't know how serious I am to take you, but I have begun to write some of my thoughts down elsewhere (besides this blog). The trouble with writing or any other thing that one may be good at, it's often just something I do so I never think of it as anything exceptional. Whether what I say is interesting enough for people to want to read or not, I have started writing notes occasionally of what is laid upon my heart. Maybe it will never be a great piece of work, but I write anyway in the hope that my children and grandchildren will have a readily available glimpse into my life as a twenty something year old. That thought keeps me writing. Besides, I really enjoy it!

I've also been trying to whip my butt into shape, as you can see here. I don't know how much my body has changed, but I can truly feel the difference. I'm happier when I'm working out, releasing endorphins. Pretty soon I'm hoping to settle on a half marathon to do this summer. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled. Alaskans are hardcore so they often don't have the 13.1 mile race, it's all or nothing. There's no way I can finish a full marathon would want to run 26 miles at this point in my life so that simply won't be happening. I'd love to do another half marathon, though so that is definitely in the works for me. I'll keep you updated.

I'm going to peace out now because I fear I'm boring you with my game of catch up. Tell me, what's going on with YOU?