Doc Says-

"Share these" he says as he throws me a bag of 2 servings of M&Ms and saunters out the door in a suit and tie. Off to another business dinner, I'll imagine he's having steak and wine while I'm heating up chicken nuggets and pretending mashed potatoes is a vegetable. There's no chance these boys are getting any M&Ms. They've been nuts today. Mostly Baby A. He has yet another ear infection. He just can't seem to get rid of them and they are making me crazy. He's a very cranky young man these days and is making it hard on me to get anything done. It seems like my house is always in disarray. I try, I do, but you can only sweep up crumbs and wipe up milk eighty five times a day before you're just like "BRING ON THE ANTS- I'm sitting down".
I'm so tired. There's not enough time in the day and there certainly isn't enough time for me to sit down and write here, but I'm doing it anyway. That's where I've been lately- tending to my children, going to school, and working on my business in between baby #3 doctor appointments. It has been nuts. I have sat and waited in a doctor's office three times this week and I realize it's Thursday. The rate we've been going, I'm just crossing my fingers that number doesn't climb by the weeks end.
I have exactly eight days left in this semester. Everything EVERYTHING is due right now and these sicknesses my boys keep struggling with often throw a kink in my plans. I'm going to get this all done, though...and then I'm going to relax start another class. Boo.
Anyway, I really appreciate all the congratulatory comments you made on my last post about the babe starting to babble. I really was beginning to think he was on the mend and that when he got his tubes put in his ears that he would be talking up a storm in no time. I was hesitant to feel that way, but still I threw my hopes into that and I shouldn't have. Monday morning, I took him to a developmental specialist who assessed him and apologized profusely that it took her so long to see him. She said, "I don't know how he slipped through the cracks! We should have seen him after his referral in January." "Well, yeah", I thought, "Someone is finally taking me seriously about his language delay." She stepped out of the appointment to call Vanderbilt and try to get me squeezed into an appointment as quickly as possible after she heard about the delay we were experiencing in Chattanooga with both the ENT and audiologist there. She said it was unacceptable. She called Vandy and they didn't have any openings until the end of July, unless I could come the next morning because they just had a cancellation. I told her I absolutely would and began making plans to travel in the awful weather so we could get there to get him checked out by "the best." I got too worried to drive that night so I ended up leaving bright and early with my sister the next morning to drive to Nashville. The folks there relayed a much different diagnosis to us regarding his hearing. She told us that while the tests they were doing weren't as accurate as the ABR, she was confident enough to tell us that Baby A is experiencing severe to profound hearing loss. He's deaf.

I could tell you a million different things right now that I've been thinking about. It's mostly guilt. Confusion. Worry.
We started the process of getting him cochlear implants that day. She said that what she saw would need to be confirmed by his upcoming sedation ABR/tube insertion but that she was ready to get us started on this path because it does take a long time. This coming Monday, we will take my sweet boy off to have his ears molded for fitting of hearing aids. We've been told that the hearing aids will not allow him to hear, but rather get him used to having something on his ear and the sensations of possible sound amplification. During the tests, she had the machine up as loud as it would go (hurting my own ears) and he did not respond so she doesn't expect these to help at all but it is just part of the process.
I know he's usually happy. I know he'll be just fine. Still, I often break out in tears because K tries to talk to him all day. I'm sure they will develop their own way of communicating, but right now as I watch it just hurts my heart. I wish I could help Baby A. We have lots of specialists in our future who can, though and so I'm working diligently to get all these lined up for him. That's where I've been lately. I've been busy.

I'm hoping things will slow down soon and I can venture back to the land of blogging. I miss it very much. Thank you all for the texts, calls, and comments you've left already about my boy. He's going to be just fine and is exactly who God wants him to be and I can find joy in that. I'm so happy to be his mom.
Thanks for checking in with us.

Love,

*Photos by Becky Davis

There's lots of info in this one little post.

Pretty stellar weekend to catch you up on, friends! Because weekend breaks don't truly exist for stay-at-home-moms, I'll just start on Thursday. I was having a crazy, busy week and was feeling a little stressed. There was the sedated ABR test coming up and also the gender scan at my doctor. Lots going on! My friend, Rachel, who I easily haven't seen since high school or (maybe) college came over with her girls to visit. It was good for my soul, y'all. She's a wonderful wife and mother and now I live only minutes away from her. It was so so nice to catch up and it makes my new little town feel a little less lonely to know that she's not far away. After she left, I felt a little more at ease about the busyness of this life instead of the opposite. How many people can make you feel that way? It's a gift.

Anyway, Friday was a big day, huge. We found out both good and bad news with Baby A. We got him up bright and early for his procedure and marched that cutie patootie to the OR with the tiniest little hospital gown. I was nervous, but it turned out I had no reason to be. They were done so quickly. The audiologist returned to our private waiting room shortly after leaving and said, "Guess who has two flaming red infections in both ears?" He just got rid of an ear infection (we thought)! This poor child has likely been suffering from them since birth. She suggested we hook up with the ENT again and get his opinion, but she sees tubes in his ears in his near future. She told us that he can't hear at all in his left ear and has only very minimal hearing in his right ear. The good news, though, is that she thinks he could regain that hearing after the fluid is moved off his ear. He will likely still be hearing impaired, but they were hopeful that this could help him tremendously. I'll continue to keep you updated. His next appointment is in early April. From there, hopefully we can get a date to insert tubes and re-perform the sedated ABR at the same time.

He was so exhausted after the test, he fell asleep on the floor. Never happens.

The emotional roller coaster that was that morning for me was about to get crazier because that afternoon I was heading to the doctor for an ultrasound. There, they would tell me that I was having a boy or girl. I really had no clue what it was going to be. I sat down, rubbed the goopy solution all over my belly and anxiously waited as the tech turned on the sound so I could hear the heartbeat. swish, swish, boom. The heart rate was beating at around 144. It was then that I knew it was a boy. She told me about ten minutes later to confirm in my heart. I'm a mama to three perfect, beautiful boys. I never dreamed I could be so blessed!

Honestly, I was hoping for pink but now I am just so excited for another boy. I don't need a daughter, do I? These boys are sweet and I will be the best mom I can to them. Last night, I just couldn't stop thinking about the nursery, baby boy names, and all the fun things that come with this exciting time in our lives. I'm so excited that I don't really need to buy anything! Ha ;)

Friday night was fun, too. My dad and step-mom stayed for dinner (they had spent the night on Thursday to watch Cray K for us while we were at the hospital with Baby A). They brought pretty blue flowers and chocolate to celebrate a new baby boy in the family! We had dinner and talked and it was so nice because we hadn't been able to get together since Christmas! 

Cray K was a little terror that night. We've had such a hard time reigning in his personality since the upheaval of the nap time schedule. He loses his mind around 3pm every day. Smacking, grunting, pouting, pitching fits. It has been awful. AWFUL. I knew on Friday that something had to change and that what we were doing was not working. Yesterday, I decided YOU WILL TAKE A NAP OR ELSE and guess what? Sweet victory. He cried in his crib for about 20 minutes, but he finally fell asleep and I didn't feel guilty in the slightest. This kid needs sleep. He's a monster without it. Yesterday afternoon, my sweet eldest was back, rested and happy. It was a new leaf around here. I got so much done!

Gosh, where was I? Saturday, oh yes. We didn't do a lot during the day but that night we called up our trusty babysitter so that we could have ourselves a good ole date night. We went to see Divergent (of course) and it was good. I liked it.

Please excuse my crazy eyes. I don't get out without the kids much. #excited

Sunday it was time for church. Then Monday came and now here we are at Tuesday. I'm back to the grind without my sidekick who is off on a business trip for a couple days this week. I shall try to make the best of it! I hope you all had a good week and if you made it this far in this post- God bless ya. You really must be bored or interested in my life. Thanks. You're the best.

Love,

Tuesday Therapy

I'm so close to having several dreams realized. They're right there. I'm working toward them, but I'm also tired. So tired. I don't know if it's this pregnancy, motherhood, or what but I'm just constantly feeling the need to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks. It's bad, y'all.

It's that feeling that there's always one more thing to do. Dishes, homework, meetings, doctor appointments. There's never any break. Not really. The only reason I have time to sit down now is because I'm currently allowing the baby to sleep well into the evening and the toddler is dumping all the dirt from my flower pots out while I watch from the sun room. Choose your battles, right? That's why we're having pizza tonight while Daddy is off at his work meeting and I'm hanging with the kids because I refuse to make another meal that is just going to primarily end up on the floor or in the trash because Cray K is so darn picky. I just can't deal with it today.

This morning I went to an AA meeting to fulfill requirements for one of my classes. I was supposed to be observing and I did, but all I could think about was how these women weren't all that different from me. They mentioned similar struggles I have and I found myself wanting to be a part of their little (big!) community just so I could share, too. They all had support. I found myself wondering if I could just meet up with my close friends every day or every other day for one hour just to talk if that could turn my life around, too. I think I'm on to something here, don't you? ;) Oh, a girl can dream.

These next few months are going to be bananas, I know that. The next few years are, too. It's just this season of life right now that makes me feel on the go. It's part of it. Just yesterday, I heard an old man whisper to someone (talking about me), "She sure has her hands full, doesn't she?" And my kids weren't even screaming. Pregnant belly. Toddler. Baby. Yes, my hands are so full. My heart is, too. But Lord, so is my head. I've been thinking all week about why we ever left the beaches of Florida and I just can't seem to recall it. I could sure use a sunny beach nap sans kids. 

It's not even Wednesday, is it?

Glaringly Obvious

Is corn and tater tots an acceptable meal?

Wait, don't answer that. That's what I just finished shoveling down and that's what I just fed my kids, too. Some days are like these. I rush and rush, going to doctor appointments, calling other doctors, trying to get paperwork for the chance at some answers. It feels like that's all I do now. I've barely left the house unless I'm headed off to an appointment of some sort. 

It's like I've asked and asked God what my purpose is here on this earth and He has answered me. You are this. You are that. Most importantly, you are "Mom".

My boys have been sick off and on for weeks. Just today, we discovered Baby A has an ear infection while he was going in for his routine checkup. I didn't notice. He's a happy kid usually so it just wasn't evident. No fever, nothing. It makes me wonder how many I have missed and if that has been the cause of his hearing loss. I can find guilt in every nook and cranny of my brain, wondering if I had done this or hadn't done that if things would be different.

Amidst the wiping of little noses and the cuddling of fever-ridden littles, I feel my purpose overwhelmingly, glaringly obvious. I make a difference in these lives. My hands are not idle. I'm working. I'm working diligently.

That's more than enough.

I can't talk to my child

I just need to write. I usually try to respond to all the comments on the previous post prior to posting a new one, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed this morning. If we're friends on facebook, you might already know the news. Baby A can't hear. In my heart, it feels so devastating to read that. It's heavy. It hurts. I hurt for him.

We don't know the extent of his hearing loss yet. We DO know that there is some sound in his ear, but very little compared to normal functioning. The next step is the sedated ABR. We couldn't get him to cooperate by falling asleep at the test yesterday so we will have to take him back to learn more. I'm eager to find out how to help him, but in the same breath I'm mourning a little.

I know I shouldn't. He's healthy and not being able to hear is what he knows, but it's not what I know and all I can think about is how I can't talk to my child. Every sentence I utter, I go over the very limited sign language I know in my head; I'm lucky if I can sign one word out of everything I say. I don't know where to start and I feel so overwhelmed. I feel so bad, though I know this is just a thing. Something I couldn't help. Still, as parents we yearn to protect our children from hardship and I just keep thinking of all the moments in his future that I won't be able to shield him from...

*the looks from strangers insinuating that he's badly behaved when he screams (his only way of communicating) for something

*learning to read (how do you read a book to a child that is hearing impaired?)

*and what if kids poke fun at his possible hearing aids or delayed language development?

I've just got to stop because I'm in tears. I want desperately to help and my hands are tied right now. I can't.

Thank you so much for your prayers as we move into this new chapter of our lives. God is with us and he has plans to prosper us and not harm us. I believe that.

Saturday Shenanigans

"Have children close together" they said. "They'll play together" they said. 

It's just not true. Not yet anyway so when the weekend rolled around, Mama needed a break. I ended up getting just that on Saturday when I got to tag along with my best friend as she wedding dress shopped with her mom and mother-in-law. Girl time with some of my favorite people was just what the doctor ordered. I loved watching my pal light up as she put on THE DRESS and I enjoyed getting to know her sweet mother-in-law and catching up with her mom, too. We ended up having lunch and doing a little shopping (I didn't buy a thing!).

I walked into Dillard's to browse and oh my gosh, I realized I can't afford anything in that store. I saw a beautiful bathing suit I wanted to try on but I just couldn't bring myself to do that because of the $142 price tag. When did everything go and get so expensive? I'm way out of the loop. I need to stick with Tarjay, I suppose.

Later that night, Captain J and I headed back to my hometown for a small concert at the historic Lyric Theatre in downtown Loudon. Listening to Wynn Varble play his songs and then the Fruit Jar Tippers get in on the action at the after-party was, literally, music to my ears. We soaked in the fact that there were no children to tend to and we were free to relax in the company of individuals who can speak in complete sentences and without whining, too!

We ended up staying over-night at my parent's house and getting to not wake up to crying kids. It was a dream, really.

And now it's Monday. Time to pull up my boot straps and get back to work on raising my crazy lot. Wish me luck. I need it!

Overheard in Our House

Me: "Stop stomping your feet."

Cray K: "Feet are bouncy."

Cray K to Baby A every morning when we go in his room to get him: "Happy to see you!"

Me to Baby A: "Ooo if I find out you can hear me!"

Me to Cray K: "Are you being nice to your brother?"
K: "No."

Me to Cray K: "Next time come tell me when you have to go and we'll go to the big boy potty."
K: "No."

Me to Baby A: "How many times do I have to tell you not to eat out of the trash can?"


I sneezed and K said: "Oh my goodness! God bless you!"

He's a character, that one. We are watching the (very light) snowfall here today and enjoying each other's company. What are you up to on this Wednesday?

New This Week

In an effort to keep things current around here (who knew motherhood to mobile children was so time consuming? ;) ), I thought I'd talk all about what's new. I'm hip like that. Take for instance...

My new shirt and hair! I went blonde(ish) again. I'm just happier this way. In addition, I treated myself to a new shirt/jacket because I never do that sort of thing and I loved this one. I found her at a cute little boutique in the town I live in and it was half off. Score.

If I posted the Best Week Ever with Mrs. K like one popular blogger you might know, I would totally  include The Biggest Loser Finale. It might be the coolest thing on t.v. these days. You probably know that I love the whole show, but the last night is always my favorite. It's inspiring to see these people transforming their bodies and lives...and doing it without some silly diet or scheme. Good ole fashioned hard work in the gym and eating healthy foods can and will change you. I just love seeing that reminder, although I will admit that I ate three Krystals while watching the finale. What? It was for the baby ;) Just look at these transformations:

Winner: Rachel

At Home Winner: Tumi

There were so many others, but I can't google all day, people. I've got priorities.

Moving on...While those folks are losing this Mama is gaining. I'm up to 120lbs and my belly is definitely poking out despite people telling me often that they can't tell I'm pregnant. My secret is flattering shirts on repeat. I'm 12 weeks along this week and I got to see my littlest babe wiggle and squirm in an ultrasound yesterday to check for abnormalities. Thus far, the baby is measuring normally. My heart melted when I saw baby #3 moving and shaking. What a miracle, ya know? I mean, at just 12 weeks there's a tiny living baby inside. It's not a bunch of cells, it's a human with legs and a heart and sweet little arms moving all about. It's amazing.

My silly toddler's new favorite phrase is "Oh dear". You can tell who he hangs out with most, eh? And Baby A? He is all over the place. He's walking well now and it still confuses me. I think I know where he is in the house judging by the absence of knees hitting the floor as he crawls and where I left him, but nope! That boy is a walking machine. Hard to keep up with. I'm so proud.

Knock on wood lots of times, but I THINK the sickness has finally left our house. If we're friends on IG or FB, you know that we had a rough last couple of weeks. We all got sick and then better and then sick again. It has been gross but we survived.

Also new? I've got a cool review coming up for ya. Sneak peak:

All that and it's only Wednesday! I hope you have a great rest of the week, friends.

Love,

2013 in Review

What a crazy quick year 2013 was for the W Family! Here's a 12 month recap:

1. In January, I wrote this post marking the beginning of my journey toward fitness. It's funny how I say my goals are to get fit and not get pregnant "especially the latter." Oh, how comical. After having Baby A I weighed 132. By the end of the year, I'm holding steady at about 118! I'm proud of my progress.

2. February brought a new move onto the horizon. The boys and I settled into life in sunny Florida and J finished up training for his new job out of state.

3. In March, we got crafty with a toddler activity board!

4. Then we took a few trips south in April. We left Jacksonville for Orlando and Sarasota and made precious memories with our kiddos.

5. In May, I set my sights on a goal of running 100 miles in a month. I hit my goal AND broke a new personal record. In addition to that, my family came in from TN to see my cousin get married. We had a good time showing my sister and bro-in-law around our new home in Florida.

6. June was so much fun, too. My husband graduated with his MBA from Norwich University in Vermont. It was my first time visiting the state and I fell in love! Then my pal came to Florida to visit us.

7. Still plugging away at getting fit, I created the Burpee Sprint Challenge in July. Then something Amazing happened at the end of the month! J secured an interview within his company for a job in East Tennessee and we soon heard back that we were moving HOME!

8. August was obviously crazy. We packed up our house in a weekend and I drove with two under two the full 8 or more hours home. We celebrated K's second birthday and Baby A turned 8 months old.

9. Thrilled to be home, we set out to hike the cumberland trail with the boys when we weren't busy shopping for a house in September. I also set and achieved a goal of running 50 miles that month.

10. In October, we finally moved into our new house!

11. November, my birthday month, was pretty uneventful. We celebrated our first Thanksgiving in TN in over five years or so, though.

12. December has been insane, too. Lots of new developments. Baby A turned 1! We found out our family is growing again!


We are looking forward to the new year. I'm still formulating goals in my head, but I'll be sure to share those with you when I get a chance. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting me in 2013. See ya next year ;)

I'm in a good place.

As a prior-military family, you can imagine that we don't really have a routine Thanksgiving that we normally do. In 2009, we spent the day in Fairbanks with new friends after J served his soldiers a big meal. In 2010, we were on a boat floating around Alaska and Canada. Our cafeteria food wasn't quite what we had in mind, but I treasure that time for more than one reason. The photo above was taken shortly before we got on the boat. Then in 2011, I had a sweet (but colic-prone) squishy baby and tensions were high. We celebrated Thanksgiving in Louisiana by ordering a pizza and waiting on his family to get there the next day. Last year, in 2012, I was very pregnant and tired. J's parents came down to Louisiana to fry a turkey with us.

This year, we're planning on making the rounds at my grandparents' houses and counting our blessings.  Chiefly among these are:

These two sweeties. I can't get a blur-free photo for nothin'. I'm thankful for their lively personalities and good health and development! I love them so very much.

My husband- he works very hard for our family:

My health:

This year has been a quick one, but I'm proud of the changes I've made in my lifestyle. Exercising and attempting to eat better has changed my life (and body!). No turning back.

Being back in Tennessee:

I still can't believe it. I look out at our street and can see the church steeple in the distance. We're in town, but we still have an element of seclusion. I feel as if God picked us right up out of the largest city in our nation and placed us in exactly the right home. It was no sweat for him. One day we're settling into our new lives in sunny Florida, the next we're nestled around our dear mountains of East TN.

*Family, friends, a God who never leaves me, coffee, patience, and many many more are also on that list. I'm in a good place, y'all.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
(and a very happy birthday to my sister, Paige. Love you.)

Phooey

Every year at this time, an uneasiness sits heavy on my heart. Call it dread or call it paranoia, but I just know it as memories that won't go away. Thanksgiving is often bittersweet. Life goes on, though...the years passing quickly. Despite the worries that this time typically brings for me, I find it so easy to look around and count all the many blessings that have been showered upon us. For the first time in five years, I'll be home on Thanksgiving day! I can't believe the journey that has brought us back to Tennessee. I know it was orchestrated by the Almighty God; that's the only explanation. We are home and I'm so thankful for that. Even more, I'm thankful for my two delightful, healthy boys who are currently running circles around each other laughing and playing. This post is taking forever to write because I keep pausing to admire K's little curls on top of his head and the sweet smile Baby A gives out to everyone. They are mine? Yes, they really are. I'm so very blessed.

To celebrate this time of year and finally being home, I've already started decorating the house. Every year, I have to fight my husband on this. He would prefer I wait until after Thanksgiving, but because I like to deck (all) the halls it is often a process here. I've been decorating for days now and I'm not even close to being done. I get that from my mama.

To those of you who would say I'm hurrying through life, I'm not thankful, or I'm skipping Thanksgiving to that I say:

PHOOEY!

The excitement my kids express when the trees are all lit up is something I hope to never forget. I want to savor the 5,437x a day I hear K shout, "Christmas Tree!" which sounds a lot more like ChiscasTee. What's so wrong about counting your blessings around holiday decor on Thanksgiving Day? Nothing, I tell you. 

My house won't be complete until we get the real tree up in the den in December, but here's a peek at what I've been up to lately-

6 trees up and at least two more to go!

Do you go what my husband calls "Christmas Crazy" with decorating during the holidays?

The Little Mermaid: Family Costumes

Let's talk about how I place such a huge emphasis on Halloween every year and how ridiculous that is. I mean, whyyyy? I have always loved Halloween and I've dressed up every single year (except one and that was because I was vacationing in New Zealand and they don't really do that there). It honestly confuses me when people hate on Halloween, especially kids! My 9 year old nephew decided he was too old for it this year. I almost cried. Kidding. But I do have a ridiculous need to have so! much! fun! on that night of the year. And I want my kids to have fun, too. 

This year's theme for the W Family was: The Little Mermaid

I planned on being Ariel, J would be Eric, my prince and the kids would be King Tritan and Sebastian. Cray K was NOT having his costume (much like last year):

 

He loved Baby A's, however:

So I just did the switch-a-roo so we could actually go trick-or-treating without people thinking we were torturing the toddler. The kid is so dramatic, bless his heart.

I promise Baby A was perfectly content. Ha!

Anyway, J and I threw our costumes together easily and then walked around the neighborhood introducing ourselves to our new neighbors. It makes me smile to think about. I'm sure we were immediately labeled the weirdos. But, whatever. We were having fun!

Ariel has always been my favorite Disney gal. I had my 15 minutes of fun, pretending I was the underwater princess, but honestly I just wanted to get out of that fabric pronto. It was a little hot this year.
We ended up giving out candy, watching Hocus Pocus, and eating pizza.
Perhaps the kids will be more excited next year.

 

What did I learn? 

Toddlers don't appreciate handmade and/or pieced-together costumes. It's best to just get a costume they can't escape and MAKE ALL THE LITTLE PEOPLE HAVE FUN.

;)

Kidding again- sorta.

Fall Fun

12 days (knock on wood) is what separates us from living as a family of four again. Our time in my childhood home is winding down and I'm looking forward to settling in a new town, finding a church home there, and making a life for ourselves. With each move we've made, there's been a sense of a fresh start. It's true for this one, too. I've been contemplating going back to work or going back to school. In general, life is looking up! We've had some struggles over the past few months but it must have been the stress of moving again. So many homes the Captain and I have shared together float through my mind and I can hardly keep them straight. We are happy to finally have a house of our own in a town close to "home" that we will be staying in with no plans of moving. We've never had a permanent place. The feeling is exciting. I hope we don't get anxious. We are very much a military family at heart, after all.

Enjoying fall has been a top priority around here lately. We also haven't had a true fall in a long, long time. Living in Louisiana prior to Florida didn't exactly provide for changing leaves and cool evenings. It was just hot all the time. 

A trip to the pumpkin patch was in order-

Some hiking around Frozen Head State Park-

and K even caught his first fish-

We're makin' memories and trying to enjoy the present. 

How have you and yours celebrated fall?