Tuesday Therapy

I'm so close to having several dreams realized. They're right there. I'm working toward them, but I'm also tired. So tired. I don't know if it's this pregnancy, motherhood, or what but I'm just constantly feeling the need to prop my eyelids open with toothpicks. It's bad, y'all.

It's that feeling that there's always one more thing to do. Dishes, homework, meetings, doctor appointments. There's never any break. Not really. The only reason I have time to sit down now is because I'm currently allowing the baby to sleep well into the evening and the toddler is dumping all the dirt from my flower pots out while I watch from the sun room. Choose your battles, right? That's why we're having pizza tonight while Daddy is off at his work meeting and I'm hanging with the kids because I refuse to make another meal that is just going to primarily end up on the floor or in the trash because Cray K is so darn picky. I just can't deal with it today.

This morning I went to an AA meeting to fulfill requirements for one of my classes. I was supposed to be observing and I did, but all I could think about was how these women weren't all that different from me. They mentioned similar struggles I have and I found myself wanting to be a part of their little (big!) community just so I could share, too. They all had support. I found myself wondering if I could just meet up with my close friends every day or every other day for one hour just to talk if that could turn my life around, too. I think I'm on to something here, don't you? ;) Oh, a girl can dream.

These next few months are going to be bananas, I know that. The next few years are, too. It's just this season of life right now that makes me feel on the go. It's part of it. Just yesterday, I heard an old man whisper to someone (talking about me), "She sure has her hands full, doesn't she?" And my kids weren't even screaming. Pregnant belly. Toddler. Baby. Yes, my hands are so full. My heart is, too. But Lord, so is my head. I've been thinking all week about why we ever left the beaches of Florida and I just can't seem to recall it. I could sure use a sunny beach nap sans kids. 

It's not even Wednesday, is it?

Operation Move Family Out in One Weekend

Wow. What a whirlwind week. That's how much time we had from hearing the good news that J got the job in TN and actually being in TN along with all of our household. It's crazy. Only a week before that, we were still settling into life in the big city. It was becoming comfortable. I had made a friend that I got to see almost daily because she was my (next door!) neighbor. We'd go on walks around the neighborhood and chat about our sweet kids. She kept me sane. I will surely miss her. Things were lookin' up in Jacksonville. I can't believe that just two weeks ago this possibility didn't even exist. And here I am- writing from my mom's house- the boys are napping in my old childhood room and it's as if I never ever left. Anyway, I just wanted to say a huge thank you for all of the comments and congrats you left for us on my last post! We appreciate you celebrating with us. Now that Operation: Move Family Out in One Weekend has been accomplished, we are on to Operation Find Family A Home. It might be a long process, but God has worked out so many of the details in this situation that I've lost count of all the blessings. It is amazing! I just know He has a plan for this part, too.

The drive really wasn't so bad. I imagined total chaos. I pictured me pulling all my hairs out. Or crying uncontrollably along with my two under two. Because this move was so last minute, we had to get out immediately and we weren't very prepared. Thankfully, J's dad came to our rescue (again) and helped us get moved out by our deadline. Friday afternoon we found out that someone was renting our place which was awesome news because we were locked in until January if they couldn't rent it out. A huge financial burden was lifted, but then suddenly we realized, umm nothing is packed. We didn't really have the first box. Saturday was insane. We packed up everything we own in a day and loaded the Uhaul to the brim. We'll see if it's all broken when we finally get to unpack it all! Anyway, we pulled out of our home in Florida on Sunday. J's dad was driving the Uhaul, J was driving his truck and towing another, and I was driving the third car with the babes inside. An eight hour drive was ahead of me and I was NOT looking forward to it.

My boys did so well. I don't give them enough credit sometimes. They were little angels mostly. I mean YOU wouldn't think so if you'd been riding with us, but as for myself, I thought they were great. I'm with them all the time and I know what they're capable of! Those sweet boys didn't sleep, but they didn't cry too much either. I arrived in TN in crazy, good time (I only stopped once). Still, the stress of packing up our lives for the fifth move in four years was wearing on me and I was so happy to walk into my parents' house and hand off a kid or two. The first night was tough on Baby A. He woke up a lot and we didn't get much sleep. I think the unfamiliarity of it all coupled with his change in schedule has really screwed him up. I'm hoping I can get him back on some sort of predictable schedule this week. We're all very tired...

but so happy to be home.

Homecoming

We very recently got completely unpacked and pictures hung on the walls so naturally it's time to move again. You think I'm kidding, but I am not. Get this: We're moving to Tennessee! Home sweet home to me.

I can't believe it. I'm still in awe of God's blessings for us. Let me explain how all this happened, how God had his hand in this from the beginning...

When we moved here to Jacksonville, FL we did so with the knowledge that we would probably be here for awhile and then we'd have to move again in a few years. Our list of hopeful locations was small. We wanted to be in the south, for sure. But honestly, we wanted to be pretty close to family. Our dream location was Chattanooga, but there was no shot at getting it because the guy who maintained that territory was young with no plans of leaving. We began to accept that Florida was about as close to family as we were going to get for a good long while and who were we to complain? It's not so bad here. His position here in Jacksonville was one of which he was basically a student. He was working in sales under someone who was showing him the ropes. Typically, it takes about a year to move on up the ladder.
Anyway, J received an email that went out to several people. In it, Chattanooga was indicated as an open territory. Immediately, J began to make phone calls. He texted me with the news and asked me to start praying. I asked A LOT of other people to start praying. We just felt as if God has placed this opportunity in front of us; it had been highly unlikely before. His superiors weren't even sure if they could get him an interview since he was a very new employee, but within hours we got news that he could travel to sit down and meet with the person who was doing the hiring. It was so exciting for both of us! We began to feel God comforting us, saying He is always with us and that He has our best interests in mind. Our prayers began to change into, "Lord, your will be done." I won't lie and say we wouldn't have been disappointed if His will ended up not taking us back to Tennessee, but at the same time we knew in our minds that our prayers were being heard and that God was going to take care of us either way. There was nervousness-yes! But there was a peace in our household, too.
Captain J went off to ATL for a week to work with that team and interview for the position. He felt prepared and confident and that's all we could have asked for. Meanwhile, back at home, I was taking care of our boys and toying with the idea that we would actually be living in Tennessee by Christmas time. Daydreaming was distracting, but so much fun.
Long story short, the position is his! He starts in Chattanooga immediately. As I'm typing, there is much to be done. Loose ends to tie up. Lots of them. But none of them matter much because I know all of this is going to work out. I just know it.
Nothing is packed.
We don't have a house to move into in TN.
No place to put Holly while we wait to buy or rent.
We're stuck with this lease until January 2014 yet we are leaving tomorrow.
We're in a real pickle.

None of that matters, though. We're going home!

Four years ago- almost to the day- I packed up my life and moved to Alaska. Four states and two kids later, and we're all headed back to where our hearts have always been. We're so grateful.

God is good. Thanks for praying.

My Town: Farmer's Market Edition

On Mondays I like to link up here to share with y'all a little more about the place I'm currently calling home. Jacksonville can feel incredibly large sometimes, but it didn't on Thursday afternoon when we loaded up the boys after their naps and went to the farmer's market down the road. It was their grand opening, complete with live music and delightful local crafts.

As you can see in the bottom far left corner, K wanted to touch everything (and I'm pretty sure he did)! We had fun getting out of the house for a few minutes. The location is roughly a mile from our house so we could have walked, but we didn't due to a certain fussy baby (ahem Baby A).

He loves to be worn, though so he calmed down when we got there. That's me enjoying my sweet babe and a peach smoothie from one of the vendors.

We ended up purchasing some peaches, tangerines, a pepper, and some roma tomatoes. 

We can't wait to be able to grow our own produce in a garden again! Jacksonville isn't the best location to till up the yard; it isn't big enough. Besides, our dog Holly does enough of that on her own. I'm going down a road I didn't intend to. Anyway...

What's neat about your town? Link up here:

My Town Monday: Jacksonville

One of my bloggy favs is hosting a new link up with a great topic so I wanted to join in. Sometimes, as you all know, I can get into the habit of backward looking. I look back to Alaska and want to return. I miss my home in Tennessee almost constantly. These things pop up in my writing all the time. In an effort to show you that my new town really isn't awful at all, I thought I'd show you exactly what it is that I love about being here. Welcome to my Jacksonville...

1. I love being near the beach. There's a beach girl in my heart, for sure.

2. I love that there's sushi exactly a mile down the road and it's delicious. I can run to the restaurant and run back or if I'm being lazy--they deliver!

3. Speaking of food, I love that we have a Whole Foods close by and other healthy, organic grocery options. The fresh seafood there makes its way to our table quite often.

4. I love all the parks in the area that I can take these crazy kids to.

5. I also love our church. I will probably miss it the most when/if we leave. It was refreshing to be able to find one that aligns so closely with what we believe as a family without searching around forever as we usually do when we get to a new location. The pastor is intelligent, warm, and an excellent teacher. The congregation has been so kind to us, too. We really really like it there.

6. And most of all? I love that it's not Ft. Polk, LA. This photo is courtesy of a friend who still finds herself stuck there for a wee bit longer. Only in Louisiana!

I will continue to be on the lookout for things I love about living here. There's a lot to love.
Now go link up your town!

the most random post you ever did see

Yesterday was an odd day for me. The boys were so good and Baby A slept for-evv-ver so I was able to get our house in working order again. I currently have laundry for days, but the rest of the house is (was!) spick and span. Since the boys were little angels, our dog Holly decided she would make up for the peaceful day by doing this:

The worst part is that it is right on the line of our property and so it's basically in the neighbor's yard who just moved in last week. They're going to hate us. I briefly considered knocking on their door to apologize and tell them we'd fix it, but then I remembered Oh-my-gosh-I-just-left-my-children-to-fend-for-themselves-where-are-they? And what-am-I-going-to-do-with-this-now-dirty-dog? I shoveled as much of the dirt back into the hole as I could and ran back in to see what shenanigans the toddler had gotten himself into. Then I put Holly in the garage to clean her off and dry her so I listened to her whine the entire time she was in there. Bless her heart, she was used to having tons of room to run and play and now she is in an urban prison. Me, too, girl. Me, too.

The good news is today is a new day and the start of a fun weekend and HEY! We remembered trash day this morning so that's always a plus. Cray K woke up a little out of sorts:

I don't know what it is about that shirt, but it is half off in the morning every time he wears it to bed the night before. Wild little sleeper.

What if I got this haircut?

It's just something I'm considering. 

Also, did anyone else wake up to a morning person and a dirty kitchen?

Ahh! Pass the coffee please.

Happy Friday!

Better With Age

This morning I wrote a long post about something I feel so strongly about but I couldn't post it. It centered around my poor body image and how I've felt recently that all the progress I've made in changing my body for the past seven months has all been for naught. Instead of dwelling on those issues, I aimed to make a mental list of the things I am proud of instead.

When I look at this photo, I see a man who loves me unconditionally. I see my best friend who thinks I get better with age. I see the guy who loved me even when the extra pounds were lingering. Those qualities are good qualities. I wish I could set my mind on the verse I found today that says:

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles or the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV

I want to focus my heart on the things that matter. I don't want to constantly pick apart what I don't like about myself.

On my journey to becoming more fit and in-shape, I know there will be blips along the way. I'm smack dab in the middle of one right now. I'm struggling- mind and body. But then I see the picture I posted above and am reminded that I didn't use photoshop to feel good about myself. Sure, perhaps this is just a flattering angle. Lord knows there were other photos from that day that made me want to throw away all the bathing suits I have and never buy another. This photo isn't just a trick of the camera, though. There's progress there. I have to see that. I also have to see this man in front of me, my husband, who thinks I'm great inside and out.

Land That I Love

(First things first, I hope you'll all come out from behind your readers and check out my new blog design by the lovely Angi. I love it! She is affordable and thorough and so very timely. If you're lookin' for a new design, I'd totally recommend her to a friend. )

I hope you all had a fun holiday weekend. Mine was pretty great. My military man turned energy device sales rep was off for a four day and we took full advantage of it. Not only did we celebrate our nation's independence but also my old man's 30th birthday!

It was a sunny, gorgeous Florida day, one that made you forget all about the daily thunderstorms of the week before. We packed up our backpacking bags, strapped them on, and hiked out to a beach that was oddly private for it being the fourth of July! 

We caught flounder and redfish-

 And snapped deliciously cute photos of our newest addition who is now SITTING! 

For the most part, our beach trips are becoming more and more enjoyable. We've lived here for nearly 6 months and we're beginning to figure out the easiest way to do the beach thing with two small babes. We stayed all day and looked out at this view of Anastasia Island:

I hate to say "then we came home and fixed hot dogs and burgers and watched fireworks" because that's sooo typical, but alas that is precisely what happened. 

And it was exactly what the doctor ordered. I was ill over the holiday break, but feeling a cold beer slide down my sore throat and watching my boys play happily in the backyard was good for my soul. 

We had the opportunity to reinforce our reputation of "the redneck neighbors" when we fashioned our redneck grill for the evening meal-

After putting Baby A to bed, the three of us shot off tiny fireworks and enjoyed the display our five billion neighbors provided. Cray K was unsure at first. Bless his heart, his whole body was shaking as he curled up in my lap each time a new one sounded. I didn't mind the snuggles, though. It was a sweet night.

'Merica.

Baby A's Nursery

When I learned I was pregnant with Baby A, I immediately began day dreaming of a sweet nursery with primary colors and simple uniqueness. I dedicated a whole board on Pinterest to it, knowing all too well we would be moving a week after he was born. We kept him in our room until he was six months old so there wasn't much of a need to set up his room when we first moved here. He began to outgrow the co-sleeper and so we started putting him to bed in the pack-n-play and honestly? That would have worked just fine, but my sweet babe often gets the shaft being the second child and all and I really wanted him to have a proper room. Our budget was low. The Cap'n would say- nonexistent, but we made it work. Would you believe I only spent $205 on his nursery, furniture and all? I used items around the house and made the bedding to cut corners. Here's the breakdown:

Crib: Walmart online $89

Changing Table: thrifted $25

Antique mobile: Etsy $15 (Antiques Galore Gal)

I already had this frame. I made the print using Microsoft Word. The bedding and bunting banner were also made by yours truly. My mom and mother-in-law had given me some beautiful fabrics that had just been taking up space in my closet until I found the perfect use for them. The cross-stitched artwork above the crib was my husband's when he was a boy, as well as the crocheted elephant mobile hanging by it. I made the yellow frame with a little fabric modge podge, mustard yellow fabric, and the cutest picture you ever did see.

Red Frame: Hobby Lobby $5.99

Above the changing table, I hung K's contribution to his brother's room. If you remember, I had him paint a masterpiece for his little bro with supplies we had already.

White frame: Target $19.99

I painted a black lamp yellow with leftover paint. The dresser drawers were mine growing up.

We also dropped $50 bucks on a new mattress, too.

I absolutely love this new space in our house. It has been a blessing to be able to change the babe in his own room where his clothes and diapers are all in one space. Before, his things were scattered about all over this house. I love rocking him in the corner and looking out at the room that was crafted in love! 

It's a special room for a sweet little boy.

Let Me Tell Ya Bout My Best Friend

This summer has been relatively busy for us and I wouldn't have it any other way. It takes my mind off of how lonely I get here in Jacksonville. It's the largest city in our nation, but it just makes me feel incredibly isolated. How strange. Our house is mere feet away from the next, but I spend my days feeling as if everyone is so far away. I'm often longing for a cup of coffee with a girlfriend. Perhaps a workout partner. I had both last week and it left me with a sweet taste of home.

My bestie arrived to save me from the vacation hangover I was having.

We traversed beaches-

Shopped.

Chatted.

Got deep over some Chili's margaritas.

And we made some funny memories in the rain. 

Then it was over. I missed her as soon as I dropped her off at the airport. Life is better lived with friends, y'all. I miss all of my people back in Tennessee!

Youth is Wasted on the Young

Do you feel young? Me? I guess it depends on the day. Put me with my running partner and I feel really young. I know I can keep up with her. She's barely legal to drink, runs marathons, and is in a very different stage of life. She bounces around as we jog like it's no sweat to her to run across our entire state. She doesn't tug at her running gear or clothes, hoping everything is in the right place. She just shows up to feel her body do something it's meant to do (be active) and isn't worried about losing weight. She nonchalantly chats with me as I try intensely to focus on my breathing. Still, I leave with a proud feeling, knowing that I just ran with someone that was still in high school after I had long graduated from college.

As soon as I am home, though and the chasing of babies commences, I am catapulted into a world where twenty seven feels old. My back aches. I try to practice yoga with my oldest son and I find it incredibly difficult. Meanwhile, K is soaking it all in and trying what I try. He'll be better at it than I am in no time. My wrists give me a hard time and I find myself wondering what it must be like to have the flexible, durable limbs and joints of my almost two year old. Then I wonder how different it will all be in just five short years. 

As I get older, I'm becoming more and more appreciative of the body I do have. I think it's important to recognize my own strengths and play off of them. You're never too old to start being more active and intentional in life. Who says you're too old for a handstand on the beach? Who cares what anyone might think? I'm going to enjoy the youth I have left in me (By the way, I think we all have some youth left in us)!

Never stop changing, never stop growing.

But seriously, youth is wasted on the young.

Long Weekend

We've had a lot of great Memorial Day weekends and this past one was another for the books! I figure I'd better blog about it before I forget what all we did. This should probably be in a numbered format, too. My to do list is too long for a well worded post. You understand.

1. My cousin got married in beautiful Siesta Key! She was lovely (as always) and I wish them the very best marriage has to offer. Please join me in prayer for Micah and Jordan as they start their lives together. I'm oh-so-happy for the two of them.

Photo by Andie Whisman

2. I got to see my family briefly and that, my friends, is good for my soul. It had been over half of Baby A's life since I laid eyes on them so it was good to soak up the less than forty eight hours of family time with some of the coolest people in all the land.

3. Pool time. Baby A had his first pool experience. He loved it. Snoozing and floating is the life!

4. My sister and her husband came up to Jacksonville after we left Sarasota and were able to hang out for awhile longer. On Sunday, we drove to our nation's oldest city to explore. J and I go to St. Augustine quite a bit, but we had never walked around the town on foot. It was nice to see all the old buildings. It's a lovely place!

5. Monday was Memorial Day. We always try to make it a happy day despite the somber thoughts that flood my veteran's head. It must be surreal to have served next to fellas who didn't make it back from deployments. In an effort to recognize how grateful I am that Captain J did come back, I always hold that day to high expectations. Honestly when I do that, I'm usually disappointed...but this time, I was not. We had the most pleasant evening we have had in a long, long time. We packed up the boys and headed off to a picnic at a new beach. Y'all...it was so perfect. No one was there. There were a few people around at first, but they quickly left and we had the whole beach to ourselves. I've never seen a beach like that in Florida. I loved it! We ate food from Zoe's Kitchen and watched our boys play happily. It was so laid back and I didn't have to hurry off to the car to feed Baby A because I could just nurse him right there on the coast without having to worry about the cover blowing up or blowing in his face. Relaxing times do not come often in our family, as you can imagine, so this one was cherished.

I hope your weekend was equally as awesome.

XOXO,