The Day That Made Him A Veteran

"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers." - Jose Narosky

The day that made him a veteran in my eyes is probably different than the one in his own mind, but I love thinking back to that day. It was one of the happiest of my life. I entered the large holding room, my heart beating faster than I thought possible. How would this play out? Am I really going to see him? Lock eyes with him and touch the patches of his ACUs? Is this truly the end of a twelve month stint in the Middle East? It was surreal.

As I walked toward the gathered crowd, I could feel the emotions of everyone surrounding me. How incredible to see a mother and her newborn waiting eagerly for daddy's arrival. I also witnessed large families all dressed in matching "welcome home" t-shirts, dogs, and mothers waiting to kiss the cheeks of their sons. The anticipation was palpable. I've felt nothing else like it since.

Finally the bus arrived, the formation dispersed, and I jumped into the hug I had been dreaming of for months. My soldier was officially a veteran. He was home.

Happy Veteran's Day to all who have that role heavy on their shoulders. Your service is greatly appreciated.

3 Months

Dear Baby A,

Happy three months to my sweet, little cuddle buddy. You are still quite the sleeper. All you want is to be swaddled and placed in the swing, your bassinet, the bed, or someones arms and you're golden. Sometimes you wake up for awhile and flash the cutest smile! All this growing requires lots of sleep apparently. You are my big boy! You've been steadily gaining weight normally and eating wonderfully. I much appreciate both of these qualities. Thank you so so much for full nights of rest.

I love your baby smell and kissing your tiny cheeks. Sometimes when I have a million other things I need to get done, I'll just stop and stare at you in awe that I was chosen to be your mama. I can't believe it. My love for you is indescribable.

Your brother loves helping you out. You make a peep and he's right on the trail to get your paci and stuff it in your face. His aim is often off, though but I suspect you don't mind too much. You enjoy gazing at him from those handsome blue eyes of yours. I hope the two of you will be best friends.

You are my breath of fresh air, Baby A. I can't explain it, but I look at you and know everything will be alright. When I'm questioning myself as a mother or when I'm stressed about something insignificant, I gaze over at you and I remember how incredibly blessed I am. Just seeing your sweet sleeping frame, the peace you seem to have, I know that everything is okay. More than okay. I love you so much.

Since you've been born, our family has never been happier!

Love,
Mama

The Valentine's Day Miracle

February is nearing its end and I still haven't told you about our Valentine's Day. I'm one of those people who likes to celebrate every holiday- no matter how small or ridiculous- and I just can't let the month slide by without a mere mention. I mean, it had to be better than last year's Valentine's Day, right?

The night before I rummaged through a packed closet, searching for a festive bag to put the completely unromantic gift and nonexistent card into. I finally settled on a blue one with white swirlies that didn't look a thing like snow. Or maybe it did. I wrapped said gift up in a single piece of gift wrapping paper and placed it on the kitchen counter alongside a mess of other papers we've been sorting through since our move.

We woke up, said 'happy valentine's day' and commenced to double diaper changes.

Then, J worked on homework.

A couple hours into the day, we were all- oh yeah, let's exchange gifts.

As we sat down at the table, shushing both children as they let out their mid morning wails, I began second guessing the gift I got him. The man is a beast to buy for. If he wants something, he normally gets it himself. Or he will mention that he wants something and then totally forget that he ever uttered those words, making me look crazy....and then he's stuck with stuff like food dehydrators and zombie books. 

There was nothing to cushion this possibly bad gift with either. Typically, there'd be color coordinated food, actual tangible Valentines, or at least booze to add to it. This year, I had no such thing to offer.

Anyway, he opened the Christmas bag, tore off the paper, and stared a bit too long at the package...

Inside, was a shiny new pair of headphones.

I'm smiling at the thought. How random? How stupid. The insecure woman inside of me was screaming, "You idiot. You've done it again. Why do you even try?" I start my usual explanation of why I wanted to get him that and have a revelation that if I have to explain a gift, it's probably not a good one. Still, I soldier on with "You're going to be traveling a lot on air planes. You're going to be working a lot at home. There's noise cancellation! The boys can scream and you won't hear"...yada yada yada.

I tried. I really did. I thought about this gift for months in advance and guess what? I finally purchased and surprised my husband with a gift that he actually enjoys. It only took four years of being together to do it. It's a Valentine's Day miracle.

Our V-Day wasn't at all like the romantic one we spent in Savannah, GA...

and it didn't have cutesy crafts or festive food...

but at least it wasn't spent miles apart like our first Valentine's Day.

The day went by just like any other. And when J's parents showed up that weekend, we got the best gift ever- the gift of time out together sans children!

No matter I had just left the doctor with a diagnosis of "breast infection".

No matter I had just changed no less than 10 stinky diapers that day.

No matter we barely had a week together before he had to leave again.

We were together this Valentine's Day. 

And I reckon that's all that matters anyway.

That and the date night margaritas.

Can I get an amen?

3 Years

The Captain and I recently celebrated three years of wedded bliss. January 4, 2010, we hopped into the car prom-style and headed off to a private ceremony to get hitched. It was perfect and I find myself craving that day a lot lately. Wouldn't it be nice to go back and replay days whenever your heart desired? I think I'd add January 4, 2013 to that list of days to re-visit, too. It was the first time we left both babies and focused on us. It really was wonderful. I felt like my old self again!

We went shopping and out to dinner (and then dessert!). During our shopping, some funny things happened. For example, J saw this sweater in the men's department...

and said, "What happened to men?"

Then, after talking in detail about how I was pretty sure I didn't want to have any more children, I walked by this...

and just like that, I changed my mind.

After a delicious dinner at Bonefish Grill, Captain J and I toasted to many more happy years together and drove right back to our crazy, hectic life with our babes. It's nice to get away for awhile, but it's so wonderful to return to them, too.

Our 'Make It Work' Moment

For the first day of fall, we celebrated by getting out our Fall Bucket List and getting to work on checking some things off!

Source: katieballa.blogspot.com via Katie on Pinterest

First up on our agenda? Pie Baking!

I insisted that we buy a pre-made crust because who really makes their own crust? "Plus, I want it to be good, honey", I said.

Captain J would have none of it.

"That's cheating!" 

"You didn't really make your own pie if you buy the crust!"

As per usual, I went along with his insanity. For once, I was glad I did after putting the deliciousness in my mouth for the first time. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. The road to apple pie bliss was a little bumpy at times. Here's our story:

To really get ourselves in the fall mood, we brewed some apple tea and put some Benny Goodman on the radio.

Then we set out on our journey. Meticulously we measured, chopped, and mixed. We threw caution to the wind when it came to the kitchen, though. What started out as a nicely cleaned room turned into an awful mess in minutes. See?

Oh, but it was worse. I can't seem to find the Before & After photos, but I'll let you imagine the mess the two novice bakers made.

Halfway through this process, we realized that we didn't have a rolling pin. In the words of Captain J, we "rangerized" our pie. When asked exactly what he meant, he replied, "We didn't have the right tools and we didn't have the right equipment, but we improvised and it worked."

To which I of course countered, "I would say we had a Tim Gunn Make It Work Moment." That went right over his head.

Anyway, the rolling pin we used was a large Starbucks coffee cup.

Our dough was way too sticky. I kept telling him not to worry, just add more flour! But he was cautious because he's actually good at cooking. Anyway, the flour turned out to be a good call and hours later we were actually eating our first EVER baked pie.

Oh my yum.

the afternoon was ours

It was a Saturday when my heart stretched a little bit more. My husband was gone as he so often is due to the nature of his job. It was just my little ten month old and me. The morning had been full of daily chores that couldn't wait- dishes and diapers.

But the afternoon was ours.

There are days when being a mother is the hardest job of my life. It's always more than that, too though. It may feel like a job but it's a job I know I want and need more than anything else in this world. This particular day wasn't a difficult one, though. It was the gentle breeze, the breath of fresh air that happens when your children are happy and healthy. It was one of those days that I said yes to his every whimper. Sure, I'll bend my pregnant body over and walk you all around this house if you'd like to test your walking skills! I'd be so happy to sit and play with you, too. Would you like a new toy? I'll go get it for you.

You get the picture.

It came time to start supper and my dear child made it clear that he didn't want to be without me so I heaved him up onto my hip and attempted to cook with him beside me. I was preparing barbecue chicken and the last ingredient I needed to add to the sauce we were conjuring up was the barbecue sauce itself. As the squeeze bottle grew closer to being empty, it started to make that sound that means air is escaping. The first time it happened, my boy dropped his paci and turned to stare at it in wonderment. He is afraid of loud noises so I was preparing myself for him to start crying when I begrudgingly squeezed it again.

And then...

laughter- the kind that comes from your belly or your soul. It wasn't long before we were both cracking up, waiting on the next funny sound to come from the bottle. It never got old. I stood there and squeezed that bottle until my fingers were tired and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

My not-even-one year old made me laugh as only my siblings can. I giggled with him like I do my girlfriends. I smiled that smile that only his dad brings out in me.

Nothing else in the world mattered in that moment. I wasn't sad to be alone in a state I find less than attractive. I was joyful because I knew I was home because I was right there with him. Baby K is my home. His dad is my home. And the bundle of joy growing inside me is my home.

Funny thing about love. Just when you think you can't possibly love anyone anymore, you wake up the next day and realize you can...and you do.

(Photo by: Herald Photography)

Safe and Sound

Last week, I wrote about one of my "best experiences from childhood" because Becca started a writing prompt that she named Sensational Stories Saturday. I'm all about some alliteration, especially s(es) so of course I wanted to play along! ;) Today, I thought I might not go as far back because some of my very best experiences have been growing in different ways as an adult.

In many ways, I was a child myself. Fresh out of TTU, my experiences were limited to getting my heart broken or inadvertently breaking someone else's. Sure, that pain is rough- the kind that gnaws at your heart, leaving big gaping holes that feel as though they'll never be re-patched. Still, they don't really touch the feeling of watching someone you're irrevocably in love with head off to war.

But that was months ago. This day would be different. This day, I would see him again.

What if it's awkward? Who gets to hug him first- his mom or me? What if I cry again? What if I don't look how he remembers me? Will people clap and stare, adding to the awkwardness? If his flight doesn't arrive on time, I'll die.

I got to his parents' house so that we could ride to the airport together. His mom was still busying herself with last minute preparations for her oldest son who would grace us with his presence for two uninterrupted, glorious weeks before he would have to hop on a red eye flight back to Iraq. I don't want to think about that.

I don't want to think about anything. Thinking doesn't pass time. It slows it down.

We went to the grocery store. I vaguely remember her asking me about cheese, but I couldn't think of cheese at a time like this. I was going to be sick. Sick physically. A little sick mentally. Sick of wondering how this would all play out. I think she recognized my inability to think of little else than her son that I'd soon be seeing for the first time in eight excruciating months.

The airport seemed too slow.

The clocks, the people.

Nothing was making this any easier.

I wore the wrong thing. I look ridiculous. What do I say?

"Hi" doesn't seem sufficient.

Then, a text- "we're pulling into the gate."

My heart.

Minutes later, my love was walking down the walkway of McGhee Tyson Airport fully outfitted in his ACUs and I was no longer worried about what we would say. 

He's here.

He's here.

Safe and sound.

I love.

While I attempt to come back down from that cloud labeled "nine" that was our trip to Savannah, I thought I'd grace all you love birds with an update on this St. Valentine's Day. Our weekend get-away was fabulous. Perfect. Splendid. I'll tell you all about it at a later date because I don't have time to write a post that would do it justice.

For now, I'm going to link up with Jenn for another edition of (Mil)ing It Over. Todays topic? Love, of course!



I've always loved Valentine's Day. It didn't matter if I had a boyfriend of not. It's just fun to show love and receive love from all those special people in life. My parents were those who went all out on such holidays- A card, some candy, just a simple gesture to let me know they were thinking of me. I remember one year, in fifth grade,  I was hoping that I was one of those lucky students who got a balloon sent to the office with their name on it. Walking by the office, I could see it was sprinkled with reds and pinks, flowers, and countless balloons. Then, I saw it! I was face to face with a life-sized Mickey Mouse balloon. He had arms and legs and was at my eye level! I thought that whoever got that was the luckiest girl/boy in the world. The time came for students to pick up what was waiting for them in the front office. My name was called! I felt so blessed as I walked down the hallway. I walked in and the secretary handed me the hand of Mickey Mouse- that balloon was mine!

I know this all sounds so cheesy, but isn't that an integral part of Valentine's Day? I was so happy to get that gift from my dad. Of course, it isn't about the gifts that my parents showered me with. It just felt good to know they care about me and wanted me to be happy. Now, to this day, I can't recall a Valentine's Day when my dad failed to call me and ask me to be his Valentine.

V-Day is about telling all those people in your life that you love em! And I love that we have a day to celebrate that. All those bah-humbugs are missing out! Just because there's a day set aside for us to remind our loved ones what they mean to us, doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it the rest of the year, as well. There's no need to rain on the parades of those of us who do get downright obnoxious with our pinks and reds this time of year.

With all that said, Mom(and Joe), Dad (and Julie)- I love you bunches. Thank you for all the things you've done over the years to make me feel loved and special. :)

I also love my friends, my family, my Jesus, my husband, my dogs, my little baby growing inside, and so many other things-

Like.... blog awards! The other day, I got two of them in one day so I was pretty pumped! One is from Nina, a lady I envy from a far. This girl has got it all together! She lives in Anchorage, Alaska and stays busy working on a degree in Psychology, keeping physically fit, and exploring God's green earth with her hubby. If you enjoy reading about outdoor fun in Alaska then check her out here: Adventures of a Lifetime

I received the Versatile Blogger award from her, but because I've already received it once or twice I'm going to skip all the rules. I still love getting blog awards so thank you very much, Nina!

The other one I landed was from the lovely, Lydia!



She is a newlywed Navy Wife so go over to her page and congratulate her! Thank you so much for the award, dear! As for the rules, I must share 7 things about myself-

1. I organized a gigantic box of greeting cards today.

2. I love the feeling ghost stories gives me.

3. Chocolate is a major food group in my world.

4. I come from a blended family, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

5. I love to scare my husband.

6. My 2nd trimester rocks thus far!

7. I just got a lovely bouquet of roses from Captain J that made my heart melt.



Now, I'm supposed to pass it on. I choose (drumroll please...)

Consider the Lillies.

Thanks for checking in with me on this beautiful, Georgia day. I hope you have all had a really swell day.

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

Chocolate Love

I wanted to participate in Military Mondays again because I think it's an excellent idea,  but hmmm...what to talk about? I wasn't sure until I looked down at the solid Dove chocolate Easter bunny I've been nibbling on for about a week now and was brought back to my favorite piece of chocolate that I ever received.

I still remember what I had on that day: navy blue cargo shorts, a teal colored Banana Republic shirt, and my Sperry's. Boat shoes for crying out loud...like I was going out to a breezy, fun summer day. I wasn't going out boating, though. I was sending my soldier back to the Middle East, back to very little communication, and as far away from me as I could imagine. I was crushed.

We arrived at McGhee Tyson Airport where the nice Delta attendants allowed us to accompany Captain J to the gate to see him off. I was so thankful to have those few extra minutes to say goodbye. After going through security, Captain J had a few last minute gifts and souvenirs to purchase for his Iraqi interpreters so we spent most of that time browsing and waiting in line to pay. I clung to each moment daring to think, 'What if this is the last time I stand beside him?' and 'Surely, this isn't the last hug.'

I had already decided I would show him how strong I can be so I had decided not to cry. This decision lasted all of a minute or two until the loud annoucement rang through the speakers that his plane was now boarding. The inescapable reality of our situation hit me and I buried my face, hoping that I at least could keep the desperate gasps for air that always seem to accompany my tears at a minimum.

Captain J looked into my teary eyes and managed to get out a sweet goodbye even though he could tell I had completely fallen apart.

I'm not kidding. Everyone was staring. I was a mascara-ey mess. We had already made it seven months apart, what was four months more? It was an eternity, that's what it was. I think Captain J felt that way, too but he was strong when I was not.

He reached into one of the many pockets in his ACUs (uniform) and revealed to me a milk chocolate candy bar. I looked on in confusion as he said, "I knew you were going to need this."

My husband knows me so well! I often find comfort in chocolate so his gesture was perfect. Even though no amount of words, encouragement, wine, or chocolate could ease my fears, the fact that he was concerned for me and was planning for me when he had to go away gave me great comfort. He was going to make it. We were going to make it.

It didn't take long for me to scarf down the yummy goodness, but its effects were long lasting.

Being in the military, we are often faced with distance between us but it only challenges us and our relationship. It allows us to come closer together, despite all the miles in between.

Believe in good!

"Believe in good and you'll be happy and useful." - Elizabeth Towne

(Warning: Hippyish post of the week)

I brought out The Every Day Book again and paged into November (my real birthday as opposed to my fake facebook birthday ;) )- November 7th to be exact. This quote by Elizabeth Towne was what I came to and what hopeful and profound words they are even still today.

I'll be the first one to admit, I'm old school. I can often be caught muttering the words, "What is this world coming to?" It's my half way serious reaction to various news reports or questionable gossip. I am simply amazed sometimes by some of the awful things I hear about going on in the world, in our country, and in our little towns. Why do we, as a society, dwell on negative news? It's like a terrible car accident that we can't drag our eyes away from. It's like a drug we take daily as we turn on the news to hear the latest scandal. Just think of all those celebrities who we get to judge from the comfort of our couches and kitchen tables each day- Tiger, Jesse James, the Kardashians (and those are just this weeks latest!).

(Are you singing the Black Eyed Peas- "Where is the love" yet? Oh you're not? Me either. Carry on.)

It's so easy for us to believe that "the good ole days" are long gone. It's easy to say that there's not much good left in the world, too- especially if you tune into the news every day. But there's hope! Just head over to your local airport and watch people as they get off their planes and run to get to their loved ones and jump in their arms. Ask a mother whose baby just learned to say "Mama." I would venture to guess that if you went through your daily routine and made a conscious effort to pick out the good in it then you'd find plenty of love in the world. Sure, we could use a little more probably, but just because we may not see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. Perhaps we're all just not seeing.

I know my family has always reiterated the notion that "It's all about how you look at it."

I'm going to make an effort to look for love more often! Who is with me? :)

Gone

I roll over and there is emptiness. Nothingness. My soul is void of everything I have come to know. There are no dreams, no hope. There is only a giant weight pressed upon my heart and little else matters. How did I get to this place?

I look back to happier days when there was a loving, seemingly endless presence who easily integrated into my whole being. He was my life. Where is he now?

This is what I woke up to this morning. A terrible, horrible dream that J was gone. I didn't know why. I didn't know how. This isn't the first time I've woken up in such a manner. I hate these dreams. It's as if I'm alive but I'll never truly be alive again because he's..just..gone.

I talk a lot about not taking him for granted because I never know when the big, bad Army will swoop down and take him away again. These dreams are just another reminder: enjoy your time with him now.

I stumbled to my feet and into the kitchen for some coffee even though it was entirely too early to be awake on a weekend. I felt better when I began to feel the coffee energizing me for the day. I got out a pan and some tasty ingredients and whipped up a nice breakfast for me and my soldier. I'll do all I can to make him happy because he is here today and today is all that matters. The future doesn't exist. Not yet anyway.