The Thief of Joy

I wasn't going to write today, but I keep sitting down at the computer- staring. I feel compelled to write about nothing really. I just need the release. It hasn't been the greatest of weeks. I'm struggling with something-

Source: favoredgrace.tumblr.com via Mrs. on Pinterest

In the Internet Age, it's hard not to compare. Facebook and blogging make it so easy! The last few days have been rough on my mama heart. I want so badly to give these two boys the best life I can, but nothing ever seems to play out the way I think it will. For example, why is it when we make the effort to pack up the car, diaper bag, and put little shoes on all the little feet and pitter patter off to the park or some other fun activity, we are re-payed by a whiny-absolutely-bananas toddler? I know toddlers can't reason Oh, Mama made an effort to get me out of the house. I should be pleasant and enjoy it the whole time. But still. It's so frustrating that simple errands or activities done for "fun" are so often the breaking point of my day. I can't be the only one.

But I look around and everyone seems to be carrying on as if their toddler doesn't try to grab their poop every time they change their diaper. They act as if their child doesn't whine at every simple command. It seems like my child is the only one who hits our family dog when he gets mad. 

It doesn't stop there. Yesterday I was perusing IG and I saw another four month old standing on his own by simply holding on to an ottoman. The mother told me he has been doing that for awhile. Of course, then I started worrying that I don't work enough with Baby A. He can barely put any pressure on his legs before he buckles in. He doesn't roll over consistently. He hates being unswaddled while he sleeps.  His feet turn in from the way he was positioned in the womb and the doctor mentioned that could be a problem. All these worries. All these fears. I don't want to fail these boys.

To make matters worse, I took K to the dermatologist yesterday for a bump he has had on his cheek since he was about five months old. You may have noticed it, you might not have. It looks a lot like a pimple. I used to think it was so I often edited it out of photos until I was looking through pictures on my iphone and realized just how long it has been there. A year later, here we are. I was given a cream to try for a month, but the doctor doesn't think that will work. She referred us to a plastic surgeon. She says it's a cyst that will need to be removed. I can't imagine trusting someone to put my baby to sleep. I'm sick just thinking about it.

Almost daily, I think- I'm going to quit blogging. Quit reading blogs. Quit writing. Delete my facebook app on my phone and just not get on anymore because the comparing is stealing my joy. It's making me worry more.

The truth is- I have a happy life full of interesting quirks and kinks that sometimes cause me to have bad days. I will continue to praise God for the sweet moments and look to Him through the scary ones, too. I don't necessarily think a break from social media is what I need- perhaps just a change of heart.

Source: unlockingthebible.org via Mrs. on Pinterest

Social Networking- Why do we share?

Hi, I'm Mrs. K and you can find me here, here, and here. We can create "relationships" online and replace face to face interaction entirely. We can make connections and feel as if we truly know someone by what they choose to share on their social networking sites. Think about it- You must be good friends with so and so because you know what their son did this morning while she was getting ready to walk out the door. You know that after work, she stopped at the gas station to fill up and bought a diet dew. You know her hose ripped and it felt like the end of the world.

The point is- most of us share, share, share! I'm especially guilty. I write this blog, sharing details of our lives that most of you probably don't care about. I post photos on Facebook and enjoy reading through all the comments my friends post on it. I publish status updates as if you care my dog chewed up another shoe. It's interesting to me because I've never really thought about why my need to share such things is so strong. What makes me sign into Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger several times a day?

I don't know.

I think a large part of that urge is because I do stay at home. Perhaps it's a boredom thing, but I think it would be more accurate to blame it on the desperate need for connection with someone other than a one year old. Another reason may be that I live far away from most of my friends and family. I share to keep them in the loop. It's easier to throw up a photo or blog post that everyone can see rather than calling 85 million of my closest friends and family. I'm not much of a phone person.

When I think back to my college days, I can remember when Facebook was established. In fact, I remember the brief time that it was called The Facebook. My roomie was a part of it, but I didn't want to cave. I really didn't think much would come of it. It was a place online where people looked up others from their classes and to be honest- I thought, "I have enough friends." Besides, what was so different from that and Myspace? I soon thought differently, though. My classmates began meeting up outside of class and arranging it via Facebook. Within weeks, my peers were asking, "Are you on Facebook?" When I created my account, it was fun to watch my list of "friends" grow. It was an exciting community online where I could further build my real-life relationships. The best part was that you had to have a university email address to join. To risk sounding absolutely lame, it really was so cool.

It's kind of amazing what it has become. I have just under 1,000 friends on my personal page and more than that on my fan page. I regularly delete people who I don't actually know or people who never interact with me simply because I can't really believe that I can be "connected" with that many people. I just don't think I have 1,000 friends. It certainly doesn't feel like it most days.

A few days ago, Mark Zuckerberg said, "...in ten years from now, people will be sharing about one thousand times as many things as they do today." It's hard to imagine. I mean, on a daily basis I see you all sharing Instagram photos of your lunch, articles you find interesting on Twitter, and daily deals on Facebook. Our lives are on blast for the world to see- and it's all written in ink. It's not a pencil you're using when you post your latest thought. It's forever recorded in a huge complicated code on the Internet. How eye-opening is that?

I just keep thinking that I probably didn't have to share with you that time I knitted a scarf or that time I scrapbooked one afternoon. I mean, really? I'm a habitual over-sharer online. I don't know how it could get much worse from me...and I don't want to imagine it.

Instead, I want to get out and have real interactions. I want to savor the time I get with friends. I want to watch my kids play with their cousins instead of sending photos and videos back and forth. I want more life in between my social sharing. After the weekend I just had catching up with my college pal, I realize that. It was so refreshing to be able to share chocolate with a friend and talk about our past, present, and futures. It was fun to watch movies and eat pizza like old times!

I'll share more about our weekend later, of course. 'Cuz that's just what I do.

(Photo credit here)

This and That

This morning was EARLY, just like last. I'm not sure what the dealio is, but I'd appreciate it if my soon-to-be eight month old would remember how to sleep through the night. Wake-up calls at 3 & 5 are not my friend. It doesn't help that I'm not feeling up to par this morning. Oh well, it's another day here at the Mrs. K and Captain J household and I'm blessed. So much so.

It's Good Friday! Which means I can get back on Facebook in two days because Lent will officially be over. I'm glad! It was a smidge difficult trying to look stuff up without it. Who knew so many businesses only have FB pages for info? Not this girl. Plus, every time I had to (emphasis on had) sign into Pinterest, I had to sign in with Facebook. I have missed all of my friends on there and look forward to catching up with all of you.

Speaking of Pinterest, yesterday I heard my husband mutter, "Oh, wait, I already pinned that." I about died, y'all. Captain J barely participates in any social media/networking websites so when I came home from a mini shopping spree with Jenn, I see him trying to request an invite. He ended up just creating a folder on mine entitled, "...Man Stuff"which is why I've been pinning lots of log cabin ideas the past few days.

Other things that have cracked me up recently?

(If you'd like to download that app it's called PhotoAge and it's freeeeee)

Happy Friday to ya!

Why I Decided to Give Up Facebook For Lent

It all started with my growing frustration with social media & networking. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, but I do think it is a time guzzler and a vacuum that just sucks you me in. Then, I saw that the lovely Laura was giving up Twitter for forty days and I thought that was a pretty good idea for her because she does like to tweet! :) Still, I didn't think much about making such a sacrifice because I never give up anything for Lent.

Perhaps you think Facebook is a silly thing to hand over? Well, for this stay-at-home military mom it isn't. It's how I connect with my family and friends who are far away. It may sound like it's not a big deal and to you, maybe it's not. But, I'm on Facebook a lot throughout the day. Like, mulitiple- times- an- hour a lot. All of that came to a (temporary) end today when I felt God leading me in a different direction...

I sat down to do my daily devotional and I came to the story in Luke 5. You will remember that this is when Jesus went down by the Lake of Gennesaret and he came to four fisherman who were cleaning their nets after a long, unsuccessful day at sea. Jesus asked Simon Peter to let the nets down one more time. He was hesitant to do so but he obeyed and when the nets came back up they were so full of fish that they needed two boats to haul the fish back to shore. The bible says the men were "astonished" (Verse 9). Then Jesus spoke saying, "Do not be afraid. From now on you will be fishers of men." It was then that the men left their nets and followed Him.

Peter's nets symbolized all he knew, his old way of living.

The prompt in the devotional asked- What are YOUR nets?

I wrote down-



approval of man, comparison, inferiority

And when I thought about why I do these things or feel that way, I thought about facebook. Most people on facebook share what is happy in their lives to the point to where it seems like some people have everything. They never fight with their husband or wife. Their baby never cries. So and so brought them flowers home from work. Job promotion! Their faith in God never ever falters, just look at their status for yet another reminder where you're lacking. I least that's what it can feel like.

Of course, this is rarely anyone's intention yet so often I've written on these various topics on this very blog. I talked about feeling inferior because I'm a stay at home mom. I've compared my life to other young moms by wondering why isn't he growing like their child is? Rolling over? Insert other fears I've had up until this point in raising him- the fears have been many.

And approval of man? It's so easy to fall into that trap on facebook. The other day one of my statuses got something like sixty (ish) "likes" which made me feel good for about a day. It's just ridiculous. It shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. My life is not my own anyway. It belongs to the Father in Heaven who created me and will use me according to his plans.

When I started reading my study this morning, I had no idea that God would ask me to do something for Him. But by the end of it, I knew he was leading me to shut off facebook for awhile. He was almost whispering, "Give it up. Will you?"

I thought, hmm...can I? Is this really God talking to me? Does He really want me to do something so miniscule?

He did.

And I just did it. I deleted the app on my phone. I signed out on the computer. And I posted a reminder for good measure-



None of this is because I think social media & networking is a negative thing. I didn't do it for any other reason aside from wanting to trusting God and follow His direction. Perhaps He wants to show me to slow down and enjoy my little man more often. Maybe He's saying, "Instead of opening the app out of boredom while you're rocking him to sleep, look at your child a little bit longer. Use that time to pray for him." Who knows? I don't know yet.

I do know that my house will be a heck of a lot cleaner with this new development! Ha.

Anyway, I'll still be blogging and tweeting occasionally if you need me. Feel free to email or call me, too. I'm sad that I won't be able to stalk keep up with you all so write me every now and again and let me know how you're doing, mmkay?

I'll see all you Facebookers in April!

Love,

Mrs. K

Vlogging my Tuesday

Just some random thoughts this glorious Tuesday on social handicaps of younger generations and where I may or may not fit in this new stereotype.

Social networking--Love it or Hate it

What a day. I woke up and drug myself to the kitchen to make Jordan some breakfast. After he left for work, I went back to bed and I suppose that set the tone for my day. Where to start? I found out several annoying things today: UPS sent my wedding announcements back, door knob is very broken, my Valentines are going to be very late and dried burnt cheese is extremely difficult to get off a slow cooker! As Wynn Varble would say, that "sounds like life to me."

To elaborate, though, I will say that the highlight of my day was definitely walking around the snow in the neighborhood, meeting all the neighbors because I couldn't get back in the house. I finally found a neighbor who had a cell phone (Welcome to Alaska!) that I could use to call a TN number to tell Jordan to come home and break down the door, as I had no cell phone with me. Yes, that was by far the best part of the day. Insert sarcasm as needed.

Oh well. I'll try again tomorrow :)

Anyway, I was surfing the internet when I came across Chris Brogan's site. Brogan is all about using social media to connect with other people to build networks and relationships worldwide. I think it's awesome how far we've come in just my life time. I remember reading an article in fourth grade that warned of the dangers of the world wide web. While it certainly can cause problems with privacy and security, the net has also brought me closer to family in other states and friends that I've lost touch with. It provided me with a small group of contacts of other military spouses when I arrived in Alaska. It gives me a way to reach many people when prayer is needed. There's a wealth of information at my fingertips now. Prior to the internet one would need hours of library time to find what I can in just a few seconds. Ahh, technology. Do you love it or hate it?

There's nothing better than having that tangible book in my hand or sitting around, chatting with a group of friends. Not much else can beat that. But social networks and circles have done me well. As a military spouse, I am incredibly thankful for the advances in technology. Jordan and I lived our whole first part of our relationship via emails and Skype conversations. To this day, I know that I wouldn't change a single thing about the deployment. His words and mine were all we had and they brought us together and they kept us together. Perhaps it's odd to be thankful for the deployment. Believe me, I didn't always feel that way. I know now that God has everything in His plan. We were supposed to go through that time apart because it's true what "they" say--Absence does make the heart grow fonder. That being said, I'm fine with the fondness that I hold onto in my heart for J--deployments stay away! (hehe)

Have you ever thought about how having the world at your fingertips has affected YOU personally? It's a cool thing--in my opinion, of course.