Guilt Notes

Another blogger told me of her guilt notes, those little things in parenthood that make us feel bad. I thought I'd talk a little about mine here today because it's been one of those days. Guys, beware. I mention the girls in this post.

I woke up early this morning in puddles. It's no way to wake up. No one tells you when you're thinking about breastfeeding all the negatives that come with it. One of these (many) negatives is that when your baby finally decides to sleep for longer stretches, your body doesn't always get the hint. If your body doesn't adjust quickly, then you may find yourself in the predicament I'm in now- infected breasts, engorgement, clogged ducts- the works!

At 5am, little K was sleeping soundly, but I wasn't because I was soaked in breast milk. I've always (for the most part) made too much milk. There was one point that I thought I might be drying up but that seems completely absurd to me now. When I pump, I get about 10 ounces each time. If I don't pump every few hours, I get clogged ducts. These are very painful, making it difficult to carry my son around.This isn't the first time Ive had issues with nursing. After a bout of thrush, we decided to go to bottles. Even though my babe was still getting the best nutrients he can have through pumped breast milk, I still felt bad for not breast feeding him directly. Enter guilt notes.

After adjusting very well to this method, I became a slave to the machine. It was often that I thanked God for the gift of the smart phone. Most of my day is wasted waiting on the machine to pump out the goods. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite thankful that I can feed my son. Enter guilt notes again. I'm happy that I'm able to produce milk when so many women have issues doing it. That's just it. I feel guilty for wasting copious amounts of milk, crying in the shower while it circles down the drain. I feel guilty for half wanting it to just go away. I feel guilty for occasionally feeling as if I don't want to share my body with my two month old anymore.

I read somewhere once that Moms were the most judgmental group of individuals there were. The article said we judge each other constantly. Just think of all the controversial issues we deal with on a daily basis: co-sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, vacinations, cry-it-out, and the list goes on.

But I find the best advice to me has been those of you who told me, 'You'll find what works for you'. Right now breastfeeding is working(ish) and I'm going to keep truckin' with it, but I definitely don't judge any of you who might have thrown in the towel. This sucks. It's hard. I feel your pain.

And what's best for the baby is a happy mama who is well-prepared to take care of him/her, not one who is battling a whole other set of issues during feeding time.

What's listed in your guilty notes?

Over and out.