Upset

So, maybe I have pet meds listed all over my calendar. Maybe I just bought a baby gate to keep out unwanted pets from the carpeted areas of my home. So what if I have three beautiful Alaskan Huskies nestled around me as I type? Don't judge me. I swear I'm not a pet hoarder.

Solstice wandered back into our lives last night. I heard Holly and Drifter barking like crazy so I knew something was up. I peered out the window and what did I see? Solstice's lovely face emerging from the wooded area behind our house. She came back! I was so excited to see that she was okay. Of course, catching her was a feat but I finally did and I'm happy to report that she is back and with her belly full.

As much as I worried about her whereabouts and pretended not to worry, I still didn't only feel relief when I saw her. I also felt a bit of panic- "Oh. no...what are we going to do with three dogs?" Two get along like peas and carrots, but the other is a skiddish outsider that doesn't even let me get close to her. Honestly, I don't know what to do with her. I know she's sweet and that she is just very scared, but how do I care for a dog that won't allow me to pet her, to leash her, or to even feed her? It makes me sad. It also makes me incredibly mad at whoever made her this way. I detest people who take their frustrations out on poor defenseless animals. I fear Solstice has lived with abuse for most of her life. I don't want to give up on her, but I also know that I can't have 3 dogs. I just can't. I want to surround myself with kids. I want to congratulate them on learning to tie a shoe lace; I want to oooh and ahhh when they roll over for the first time. Teaching my dogs to "shake" and "sit" are just not the same. I'm conscious in my decision making with these animals so much so that I wish to leave room for my future family.

I guess J and I just bit off more than we can chew. I recognize that getting Holly so quickly after losing Solstice wasn't the best idea and honestly...it's not too late to give Holly back with a full refund. Solstice, too. But I cannot send them back just to be homeless again. I don't want to play favorites, but it would break my heart to not have Holly around. She is the sweetest, most loyal husky I've ever met and I feel like she's mine already. So, what do I do? I have a responsibility to these pets so I'm not giving them back to the animal shelter. I am, however, searching for a home for Solstice. I want her life to be better. She needs a family with lots of time to devote to her. Or she needs a sled dog team, some place where she fits in, where she can live outside with other dogs and feel comfortable again.

I found a kennel called Where Spirits Walk that takes in sled dogs who are in unfortunate situations. They give them a home and give them a job. They work with abused animals and I truly think Solstice would be perfect for their program, but they are selective about who they will take in. I have been corresponding via telephone and email with one of the employees, but I don't know if it will all pan out. I just want her to be happy and she's clearly not happy with us.

I also have several people that want to visit with her to see if she'll fit with their family. Wish me luck in finding her a happy home. It makes me really sad to type this and I don't know why because I never considered myself an animal lover. I wish Captain J was here to hold my hand and remind me that we can't have three dogs. I wish he would set me straight. But the phone hasn't sounded and I haven't heard from him all day. Here goes another long stint.

I'm just really upset today.