hoping and praying

I like to play countdown games with the toaster. "5-4-3-2-1" and up pops the poptart. Perfect timing.

I enjoy a tall glass of water and a hot cup of decaf tea in the morning.

I don't enjoy waking up with that old familiar feeling of dread, queasiness, and gloom.

Army Times can be both a helpful tool and a terrible nuisance. When J was deployed, I checked the website regularly, hoping and praying there was no news from Diyala Providence, Iraq. Now, I find myself searching for news from Afghanistan. Yesterday, my heart sank as I read the latest:

"Three Fort Wainwright soldiers have been killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.

Army officials say the incident happened while the soldiers were on mounted patrol Monday afternoon in the city of Spin Ghbarga.

A fourth soldier, assigned to the unit the Alaska-based soldiers are replacing, also was killed.

Officials say two other soldiers from the brigade were wounded.

The 4,000 soldiers of the 1st Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division at Fort Wainwright, began deploying to Afghanistan in mid-April.

Army officials say that during the unit's last deployment, from September 2008 to August 2009, it experienced five combat and two noncombat deaths.

Names of the soldiers killed were not released pending notification of relatives."

Although, the terror I used to feel when hearing similar news those years ago has subsided, my worry and fear for those soldiers that Captain J served beside doesn't go away. Friends are over there. It's so easy to forget.

More than anything, I pray for my friends left behind by these brave soldiers. I remember what it's like to not know. Feeling completely helpless and just trying to get through the day, hoping the communication outage will lift and that voice will be heard saying, "I'm safe" is a mixture of a emotions I cannot explain nor want to experience ever again.

I'm awake because at 0500 when J rolled out of bed to head into PT, I had to hug his neck and remind him how glad I am that he is home. Whether home is Georgia or Louisiana now, it doesn't matter. He's with me and I am forever grateful that I'm not going through this pregnancy alone.

Some of my brave friends can't say the same. Please pray for them. For all the people left behind, for all the men and women serving- my thoughts and prayers are with you often.