Every Sunday that Captain J isn't here, a gnawing guilt is ever present. I look back to the churches we attended together in Alaska and Georgia and I remember waking up, wanting to go. I looked forward to worship and to the message that I would hear. I almost always took something away from it and it was good to be in the house of the Lord!
As of late, I rarely feel inspired to go here. If J isn't with me, it just sounds like too much of a hassle to get Baby K ready and out the door, just to drop him off in the nursery, sit alone on a pew, awkwardly shake hands with the congregation when the visiting time comes, and have the pastor introduce himself to me as I walk out the door after the message (We've been over to his house! He has been to ours.). He rarely knows who I am if J is not by my side and, well, I'm an army wife. J isn't by my side pretty often. It's embarrassing to have to introduce myself over and over.
And so I don't go.
It's awful, I know. I just don't get much from the service. The people there are so SO nice, though and that's what keeps us going back. I know it's not the best reason to attend a church. We do have some friends there, but on top of that- the people were so incredibly welcoming when we got to town. After visiting the church once, people were bringing over food and baby gifts when we welcomed K into the world last August. This is what makes us want to get more involved and keep trying to enjoy the service there. They try to include us in events and we're thankful for that yet we have little in common with the people there because of an age difference. Normally, that wouldn't matter for us- we're old souls! But it does present a problem when the younger crowd meets up for dinner (age 40 and up!) and their kids are all grown or in high school and can fend for themselves. Meanwhile, K is squirmy, cranky, and ready for bed. We just don't fit in all too well. Captain J is fine with that, but I'm not.
I want to go to church and focus on what I came to do: learn more about my God and Savior and worship Him. I want to get a cup of coffee, close my eyes, and feel God's presence washing over me. I want to feel comfortable going to the altar to pray if I feel lead. I want to feel at home.
And I don't feel at home there. I don't feel at home here in Louisiana. And it's seeping into everything I do.
7 comments:
When we first got to Campbell we started going to this church where everyone was so nice to us. But it was kinda like you were saying, the younger crowd was 40+. We really wanted to find a church with younger people with younger kids. After about 4 months we started going to another church. We loved the pastor, the service and the kids programs worked well. Sadly the friendliness was just not there. We started looking again and after a few months we went back to the that church. It sucks that the people are not as friendly as they could be but some of my friends now attend and that helps. I LOVE the service and get a lot out of it and I figured that was what mattered the most right now.
Are there any other churches you can try?
Finding a good church is hard! And making yourself want to go when they are away is even harder.
I understand! I could write a book on how dissatisfied I am with our church experience here in Alaska ( what church did you go to here, btw?) I have no motivation to go when Scott is here because we have things to accomplish on the weekends, I hate going alone because then I'm the "army wife", and this is the third church I've tried and I don't really agree with their policies.
Is there another church you could try? One that has a younger population?
I started going to a church a few years ago that is huge. Except for the nursery workers who know me because of Millie, I kind of slip under the radar, but I'm really shy and like it that way. I hadn't gone for quite a while, but it really began to feel like something was missing. It's been so good to get back there.
"Not getting something from the service" is a selfish way of looking at going to church. It's really a time of GIVING, not getting. You're giving that hour to God in worshipping him in community. I church-shop a lot when I move to a new place, and it took me about 10 tries to find the right one in our current city. The demographics of the people (especially age-wise) was a huge sticking-point for me as well. It sounds like you have a decent community and you don't really want to fully jump ship yet. Perhaps instead of going to bigger group events, you can just go out with one or two other families at a time.
*I hope I don't come across as rude (etc) in this response, as it is hard to read the tone of text. But, just a heads up - that is not my intent.
I am quite confused by your first three sentences in comparison to when you talk about you church shopping yourself when you move. Why church-shop (& at ten diff. churches) when you can be GIVING anywhere? Why did you decide not to GIVE your hour to those first nine churches if, as your first three sentences say, it's not about what WE get - but what WE give...
Personally, I don't think that is selfish at all. She IS giving! She hasn't stopped going. I attend the church I go to because I get something from the service - it FILLS ME UP with God's word & truth & that's what God wants. I think that K deserves to find a church that when she attends the church service she is satisfied with it.
Afterall, this is an important hour of the week (as well as any other church service) - as it prepares, teaches, & trains us what to do OUTSIDE of church for God - and if that message isn't delivered properly or fulfilling - how is that good for any Christian?
Trust me, I know how you feel! I LOVED my church back in DC and have yet to find a church in Dallas. I even find myself foregoing church here and just watching my old church online :/ But I move often and know it takes time to find the right fit, especially when it comes to church homes. Have you considered visiting other churches in the area that you might like more? There's nothing wrong with exploring a little. Plus, if you find a church you like more that has a younger crowd - you may begin to feel more like you belong there. Church is definitely where we go to be fed in spirit; but fellowship with other believers is also a huge factor, as well! I'm sure you and The Captain will find a church in your area with young families and a great pastor! And I don't know how long you're stationed there; but I hope LA starts feeling like - at least - a home away from home very soon!
I understand where you're coming from. We've been struggling for the past couple years to find a church we really feel at home in. Out of frustration we've stopped looking this past year and sometimes I feel like something is missing. It's a long story that I won't go into on here but hopefully one day we'll find a good fit. I hope you guys find one that feels like home!
Post a Comment
I know you've got something to say!