Beckoning

Sometimes this feeling creeps in and takes over my life as I know it. It's a nagging annoyance that beckons me to get as far away as I can. It's not because I don't like where I'm at or because I don't like where I'm going. It's something else entirely. I've talked to other military spouses about this feeling that I'm having- the need to get away. The catch is, I just want to disappear with my man.

I don't know if you heard, but the military requires a lot of time dedication and that's not only when they're deployed. There are FRG meetings, Hail & Farewells, 5am workout calls, 12-16 hour days, and much more. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if Captain J was working a 9-5. Would he be happy? I know I would love more time with him in the mornings and the evenings. I also know my driven husband would always look back at the Army that has done so much for him and question if he did all that he wanted to do within it.

Despite being thankful for his job that provides for us, I still let my mind slip to that feeling of just getting away. Perhaps I have a vacation hangover. This week Captain J transitioned back into working again. In fact, he's away right now and probably will be for the next few hours. This gives me plenty of time to think. In my readings, I came across this quote-

"To express a place in art, we need to take certain risks...we need intimacy of a sort that demands a certain daring and risk: a surrender, an abandonment." -John Haines

or as Barry Lopez puts it-

We need to "become vulnerable to a place."

Why the topic change? Well, when I want to "get away" this is the very place I want to go...

The walls of this house boast with the warmth of the people who inhabit her. From the outside, there are forested views as far as the eye can see. There's a creek nearby, that when crossed, will lead one along the twisted walking trails behind the property. There's a history there that intrigues me and is cherished greatly by those who came before me. This place blends well- manicured terrain with seemingly untouched countryside. She's so beautiful that she's seen weddings, family reunions, the occasional snow, and treasured Thanksgiving days. Oh, how I miss her...

This house has been in my family for years. There was a period of time during the war that the family lost the house, but God blessed my grandparents with the opportunity to get it back many years later. What a gift that has been! It's nice to have a piece of such a personal history to explore. If I walk far enough into the woods, I'll find a bench by a huge tree that has initails upon initials of the people who called her home. Besides the history, there's a freedom attraction to it. It wouldn't be uncommon to wake up every day there for a week and never see a single soul. It's private, it's glorious, it's refreshing.

That's where I want to be. I could swoop up Captain J and hop on a plane to good ole Tennessee. Maybe we'd be alone or maybe we could be in the company of various family members who frequently use this hiatus as a weekend-type get-away. Either way, I know it would be a memory I wouldn't soon forget. There's just something about that place.

Do you have a place you hold dear to your heart?