All terms may be used interchangeably to describe me as of late. This pregnancy in conjunction with a forced move is driving me to the edge. Just below is a steep drop to insanity and let me tell ya- I'm holdin' on with my heels. It's not a pretty picture.
Yesterday, I had a meltdown. It all started because I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. Captain J suggested this wasn't appropriate for a growing baby and mom (in different words) so I basically flipped my lid. There were so many other competing thoughts floating through my mind at the time so I inevitably just focused on the one: Mama wants food! And I got noticeably annoyed in Walmart to the point that J escorted me out to the car for some refreshing A.C. and a long, uncontrollable, ugly cry.
The real issue was that I had gone to the doctor earlier. He told me that I had gained 23 pounds and he would rather see me at about 20lbs at this point. He didn't seem concerned, but this horribly self-conscious girl filed it away in her mind as a big, fat fail. Then when I arrived at Walmart (looking a hot mess in 100+ temperatures) it seemed as if everyone was starting at me. I don't like the attention that being pregnant brings because I can't decipher between negative attention and positive attention at this point. When a stranger stares, I automatically think it's because I look grotesque.
It's a problem, I know. Just call me nut-case.
Anyway, I cried and I cried. I cried for our lack of furniture, internet, PB&J's and money. I cried for crying over ridiculous things. I just couldn't stop. I felt so ridiculous.
I hate when I get stressed and adopt the belief that this is the worst possible thing that could happen. Because it never is.
Thank, God. He must really get tired of me acting so un-appreciatively. I know I'm incredibly blessed to have what I have. I just need to relax, sit back, and praise Him in this storm. Pretty soon the clouds will part and I'll have a sweet baby boy to put to sleep in his espresso colored crib and the fact that his mommy was stressed over research papers and an achy body due to a lack of sitting options (and a PB&J) will no longer matter.
As always, thanks for listening!
Sincerely,
Basket-Kace, AKA- Mrs. K
7 comments:
I read this post to Stephen and he said "Poor Jordan, I don't miss those days." I think I may have went into a small pregnancy rage myself. With my, " she is trying to go to school and it is miserable hot, they dont have any furniture!" and " what do you mean you remember those days? " He walked to the kitchen with an evil smile and from a very safe distance yelled and asked "Honey would you like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!" Men geez! :)
Hang in there, Mrs. K! Stay positive! I know it must be hard but you're strong and can handle whatever life throws at you! And luckily you have an awesome husband (by the sounds of it) to keep you sane. Good luck and keep chuggin along..you'll be at the next stage sooner than you know it! =)
You are describing almost exactly how I felt when I was pregnant with Caylin. I think we talked some when we worked out together at Tech how much I couldn't stand everyone being in my face all the time and how I was always grumpy. Trust me, this too shall pass.
I am getting really annoyed with your doctors and the whole weight thing lol Everyone gains differently during pregnancy and 23 pounds is a PEFECTLY HEALTHY amount of weight to gain. I gained 35 pounds with Caylin and only about 20 with Ashlyn and my doctor never said a word about me gaining too much or too little either time. Your body knows what it's doing. And I never cut out caffeine or junk food during either pregnancy either so you are doing WAAAY better than me. If you want a PB and J eat a freakin PB and J.
Aw, Kace, I feel so bad that you're inconvenienced at this particular time in your pregnancy (it ain't easy!) but you remember this - your body is doing the most important JOB of your life, and you deserve to be able to eat a PBJ sandwich if you want one! Just don't eat 10 of them at once. Also, I just reread that first line, and I didn't pick such a good word (inconvenienced) but can't think of another one, so forgive me please? You look wonderful, and 23 pounds sounds just right for you. You'll get lots of exercise after little K is born! Hugs for everyone!
Hang in there girl! Tomorrow is a new day, and a better day. Hugs to you!! :-)
Aww! I totally understand. You arent crazy and you deserve that PB&J! I cried yesterday when my husband made a joke about me being so chipper so early in the morning and him not being able to take it. He was totally joking, but it made me cry! Our hormones are all over the place, so dont feel bad for crying. Sometimes a good cry is all thats needed to make us feel better.
DONT worry about your weight. You look so pretty! 3 pounds is nothing and the doctor's that Ive spoken to have all said that if the baby is gaining weight and is healthy you should gain between 25-35ish pounds. But you were thin to begin with, like me, so the books even recommend a 28-40 lb weight gain for us. I feel the stares everywhere I go too- be proud because they are all admiring the beautiful momma to be, not judging you on your weight gain. Hope you feel better soon!
[...] the way home, I had a pregnant lady meltdown. It was sort of like the Walmart Meltdown, but not as bad. Captain J and I were discussing funds to pay for my graduate school, getting a [...]
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