How To Stay Connected After Baby

September 2011

I write a lot about how I miss Alaska, but I wonder if my longing is misplaced. I think I actually miss the freedom that duty station gave us. It was our first year being married and we were miles and miles away from friends and family. We only had each other, really. We could leave the house at the drop of a hat to go out on a date, head to the shooting range, or fish the Chena- all activities that aren't exactly baby friendly. What I think I miss more than anything is being able to spend time alone with my husband. I can count on one hand the number of dates we've had since we've become parents. It's so tough to not live by family when you have children. We're very cautious who we let watch Baby K. He had colic and was extremely fussy as an infant and we simply didn't trust anyone to put up with that for any amount of time. We knew how stressful it was and were terrified that someone might lose their temper or simply be too stressed out to meet his needs. Now, he is so attached to me, I feel bad burdening anyone with watching him because I'm afraid he'll cry the entire time. I can't have a good time anyway, worrying that my baby is wondering where I am. We've really put ourselves in quite the predicament!

Anyway, Captain J and I recognize the importance of staying connected despite our lack of placing an importance on date night. God's word says when two people get married, they become "one flesh" (See Genesis 2:24). When one adds another tiny human to the mix, it's hard to figure out how that one flesh will shift, mold, and change. I'm not saying we have it figured out even with our second child on the way, but below are some suggestions of a good place to start:

1. Communication lines are to stay open! Talk about every little thing whether it seems important or not. You never know when that tiny little thing that gets on your nerves will boil up into a much bigger problem or argument.
2. Don't keep score. Captain J and I tease each other a lot by saying, "It's your turn!" (to change a diaper, wake up early with him, etc) but if you play this game it will get old fast. I try to remember the verse that says, Women are "...to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands..."(Titus 2:5, NIV). Honestly, if we were keeping score, of course I would be winning. I stay at home with him constantly and when J is at work, I have plenty of time to get ahead. This doesn't mean that when he gets off work that he should be doing everything for the baby. 
3. Recognize the little things. Once the baby arrives, you're likely going to cling to the sweet little nothings that we all know equal big somethings in a marriage. When your partner brews you a cup of coffee- thank him (or her). When he offers to give the baby a bath while you unwind, say thank you. Positively reinforcing these types of behaviors will be beneficial for your marriage. On the same note, make an effort to do these small things for him, too.
4. Laugh together. You're going to need that time to get through. You can almost always find something funny, no matter how desperate the situation. 
5. Pray together. No matter how horrid the day felt to me, when I hear my husband ask God for help in guiding our family, I know he is trying and that makes all the difference in the world to me.

The bible also says, "Children are a gift from God, they are a reward from Him" (Psalm 127:3). That means, each child blesses a family immensely. As parents, it's our job to recognize that every single day and value the time that we have with them while also not forgetting the special bond God gave us when He provided a loving spouse for us.

Happy Sunday!