you can't make this stuff up

I woke up with so many good intentions. I would clean the kitchen. I would make baby food. I'd have dinner cooking by the time J arrived home. I'd do this. I'd do that. I. would. shine.

What I didn't account for is my lack of coffee to get me through these things. It has been my drug of choice since giving birth to Baby K. I didn't get to have it when he was still taking up residency in my ginormous middle so when he came out I was already addicted to the idea of coffee anyway. Couple that with a colicky, screaming little one and lack of sleep and you can imagine why I'm borderline psychotic without at least one cup of coffee.

I bee bop into the kitchen after passionately kissing my uniformed other half as he makes his way to his truck to head off to work. Instead of jump starting my day with a freshly brewed k-cup, I approached the Keurig only to find this:

 

I did what any respectable blogger would do- I ran for a camera. There was no shriek. There was no whining. There was only the initial- oh.emm.gee am I really supposed to drink coffee out of this thing ever again?

Next, I did what any respectable mid (to late ahem) twenties gal would do when she has a problem- I texted my mother. She gets these sort of texts often, folks. MOM! What do I do if Baby K's eye is twitching? MOM! It's raining and the power went out. MOM! Can you believe the nerve of that guy on #SweetHomeAlabama? You get the picture. Anyway, she agreed that while yes it was very gross and she should probably go check her Keurig when she gets home- she also couldn't do much about it from 13 hours away. Le sigh.

I must tackle this problem head on.

I venture upstairs to the dusty bookshelf of my brain and vaguely remember someone saying that coffee pots are cleaned with white vinegar. Hmm. Let's try that.

You must know by now that I've disposed of this creature outside.

So, I just dump whatever is left from the white vinegar bottle. Please don't ever just turn up a bottle like that. Google it. Pinterest it. Look up how many cups you need, for crying out loud.

It's almost five o'clock- I've been running hot water through this machine all day long and I can't have a good cup of coffee to save my life. It all tastes like vinegar to me. And that's not the only problem. The house? Disaster area. 

I'm wondering if this awful taste clogging up my buds is in my head or if it's a real legit problem. I'm thinking I might try it out on my husband when he gets home. "Hey, honey, do you need a cup of coffee? Let me get that for you. You've worked hard." It's the only way I'll ever know if coffee is ruined for me forever.

Thinking about facing another day without coffee gives me the heebie jeebies almost as much as the creature captured above. Someone hold me.

(P.S.- Do you play Draw Something? If so, come back on Wednesday for a new link up I've started to share your best and worst work of the week. We'll have fun. And we won't laugh at you- we'll laugh with you!)