I'm having a minor freak out moment about motherhood (and not for the first time).
I know I can't possibly know what it's like to be a mother. Mothers are selfless, mothers are giving when it feels like there's nothing left to give. I couldn't possibly be a mother.
As I lay in bed, sick as a dog, I keep rubbing my tummy in soft circular motions because I heard that growing babies like that. But I'm also wondering, how the heck am I going to do this?
I feel terrible. I've barely made it out of the bed or off the couch all day today. What will I do when I have a baby to take care of? I already feel as if I'm neglecting my pets. How much worse will this guilt be when I have a baby screaming for my attention? There must be some force, deep down that mothers hold on to, that makes them get out of bed and tend to their children. I'm just wondering how I go about getting a piece of that.
Does the act of mothering come somewhat natural in the delivery room when the nurse hands over the baby? Will my world as I know it cease to exist and a new world form around this tiny, breathing life? God, I hope so.
Because right now, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm realizing that I have about five months left to prepare. In those five months, I'll be starting school again, packing up our home here, moving to Louisiana, trying to find a place to live there, and juggling the responsibilities of being a wife to my very deserving husband. He will be starting a new job where I will likely only see him two weeks out of each month, which means I'll be a single parent, going to school full time for two weeks out of each month. I'm not overwhelmed by these thoughts and that's what makes me think they all might take me by surprise.
Starting something new is always scary and I like to be prepared.
But how does one prepare themselves for motherhood?
I don't know that anyone can. I'm just hoping and praying that somehow I'll figure it all out. I want to be the best Mom I can be to this little one inside me. This precious life deserves that. Now, how in the world do I go about doing that?
Can a girl get a class on it, or what?!
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11 comments:
There should be some Masters degree program on mommyhood!
You'll be great though! I know these things :-)
I won't be the first or the last to tell you that you can prepare as much as possible for A baby, but you will never be prepared for YOUR baby. Those little buggers like to throw curve balls! You will most definitely be the best mom you can be; through sickness, fatigue, and everything else. Two kids later, I'm still not prepared and that's what makes each day so wonderfully surprising. Rest up and feel better soon!
You will be a wonderful mother because you are a wonderful person. I didn't feel like I had a clue even after Caylin was born but then I just kind of picked up on it. It does come naturally and you just have to follow your instincts. You will be great.
Kace--I'm still not prepared for children and I've raised 3! You will find that you will do whatever is necessary to teach them, protect them and prepare them for the world. You probably won't be perfect at it at all times but you will learn as you go. You will love them and they will love you. Love ya'
I have the answer when your sick and you have to deal with a screaming baby. Call Grandma! Love Laura PS I don't have the slightest qualms about you being a GREAT mom!
You know I whent through almost the same thing. When I was about 7 months eric had his 7 hour back surgery and I was in the hospital sleeping there with him while he kinda healed or 3 days then he could not walk without a walker for about 2 months after that,then I had jade , mind you eric is still walking with a cane, all the while I had to pack as well when she was less than a month old and drive by myself to meet eric in louisiana, cause that became his new station. Plus I was breast feeding. I always felt like I was doing everything wrong and not enough, I had no clue. But at the end of the day I realized I did know what I was doing because I was her mom and she was attatched to me and when I held her she stopped crying and she slept in my arms letting me know there was no one else able to care for her like me. You will do so wonderful kacy plus GOD is on your side!!!!
oh also so funny, during labor when I was just able to push I totally started freaking out like omg I dont know what to do put her back put her back. Eric was like we cant carolina...haha!! but then she came and I was like oh my she is all mine wow!!!
oh one more thing, I lived in fort polk, la for a year. There is not alot to do there. Oh and its really hot down there which is why after I had jade I was able to lose like 40 pounds in 4 months because I ran and took her on walks and I just sweated the fat off!!! haha!!! My brother lives in baton rouge, LA!
I just finished catching up on your blogs that I missed while in CO. Here's my thoughts, but they might be in the wrong order.
1. You look adorable!
2. Now I really want some KFC.
3. You're going to be a wonderful mother! I still have no clue what I'm doing.
4. The St. Patty's day stuff is cute!
5. Whew! Just reading everything you'll be doing when you are due is making me tired!
6. I'm sorry you're feeling icky!
7. I MISS YOU!
No book, class, or person can prepare you for motherhood. What I have found, after 4 months, is that your baby does the best job of preparing you, and it's done on-the-fly, on a week-by-week basis :) You'll love it, and you will be great at it (no matter how mediocre you will feel) because you'll have no choice, haha :)
I'd say not getting any sleep is the hardest thing to grapple with...the baby is the easy part because we are blessed with these amazing instincts that do most of the work for us.
You will learn to figure it out. The only advice I can give to handle school and children is to schedule your time wisely and get ahead on school work where you can. Just make sure to relax and enjoy it. They are only that little for so long. I'm sure you will do just fine, but I can totally understand how it can feel overwhelming at times especially with the move coming up.
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