another daily musing

I love checking the mail to see if I have any word from back home; it's just a simple indulgence. It's fun to receive a little card from my family or words from my friends and parents. It gives me a little piece of them, knowing that as they wrote those words or prepared that package that they were thinking of me. So, on Saturday evening when I received a package from my mom, I couldn't wait to open it. Inside I found two books, one of which is entitled The Every Day Book. It's unique crimson color and Old English style writing caught my eye. I opened it to find pages and pages of quotes with a date included for each entry. The book dates back to 1905 and is very interesting to flip through. I found this gift very thoughtful considering one of my favorite things to do in my spare time is blogging; it provides much inspiration. Anyway, I didn't want to skip to the actual date today because I might miss some really good material. I opened the book to January 1st and read:

"Look into thine heart and write."- Longfellow

I thought, 'how perfect'! I read on to see an additional quote below it for the same day that says, "Words are little things, but they strike hard." This second part solidified the deal--I have to write today. I have to write about what is on my mind and that is the topic of forgiveness. I must say, it's something I need to work on.

From a young age, I typically allowed people to walk all over me. I rarely stood up for myself when I was being used in some way and I neglected to speak my mind when I thought doing so might step on someone's toes. No one bullied me or anything, but some people in their own little ways would abuse my friendship and my trust which in turn made me weary of trusting many people. I'll admit, the older I got, the more my strong, independent, and opinionated sister rubbed off on me to which I'm forever grateful. I started noticing that people would listen to the quiet girl when she passionately declared what was on her mind. I began to feel more secure and confident in my own voice.

But I will say, that side of me only comes out when I truly feel the need to speak about a certain topic. I prefer to be the one who listens to everyone talk, soaks in their opinions, and formulates my own ideas. I don't mind if people think I have nothing interesting to add. I don't care at all because being the center of attention isn't something I need or ever really desire in large groups. I enjoy keeping to myself when I should and speaking out when it is necessary. Perhaps this is just an example of my introverted qualities revealing themselves. Either way, I'll say that I don't understand why people choose to do the opposite. When did America stop telling its kids "If you can't say something good, don't say anything at all"? I don't understand.

I said this entry was about forgiveness, didn't I? Allow me to get back on track-

I've been hurt many times by people who say hurtful things or just downright lie to me or about me. Fine, I can deal with your shortcomings. Heck, we all have them! But I'm not so good with the second part that comes along with toleration, you know, the forgiveness part. I am a Christian and I know that God forgives me daily so why is it so difficult for me to practice forgiveness? I don't know, but it is. I guess I can forgive. I just never forget which is not true forgiveness. God wipes my slate clean each time I ask him. I should be able to do this to those who hurt me.

Matthew 18:21- Then Peter came to him and said, “Lord, how many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? As many as seven times?” 18:22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, I tell you, but seventy-seven times! 

77 times actually means an unlimited amount of times. Wait, a second, I'm supposed to continually forgive? WHAT IS THIS?!

I think I hide behind use the fact that I do not forget when I'm wronged as a defense mechanism. This way, I won't be surprised when I'm hurt by this person again or others who may let me down along the way. I won't take anything they say too personally the second time around because they've already slightly been written off by me.

How incredibly mean of me? I'm not perfect and this is one thing, of many, that I struggle with. I'm not saying I automatically don't trust you anymore if you lie to me about liking my outfit or if you take my favorite shirt and neglect to return it for months. I'm talking about bigger things such as insulting who I am or downright lying about things I've said or done. I find people who do/say such things less credible each time.  I can go about life as if nothing happened to the rest of the world, but somewhere deep inside I'll likely never forget. Is it wrong? Yes and it's something that I pray about quite frequently. But on the other hand, more people should realize that words have consequences.

Take for example, the following sign:



Merely posting this nonsense is beckoning trouble makers all over the place to throw rocks at this sign. It might as well read "Please, oh please, find the biggest stone you can find and toss it at this sign." Our words, our actions do not go unnoticed nor do they slide by without the smallest repurcussions.

Way back in 1905, a sentence was printed in a little red book whose words still ring true today: "Words are little things, but they strike hard." May we all be mindful of how each statement and each action can affect those around us. May we realize that our words have consequences. It is my hope in writing this blog for the world to see that I offend no one, but still manage to shed light on what goes on in the mind of Mrs. K :) Perhaps this is a lofty goal, but that's what I'm aiming for.

I'd love to hear what you have to say. How are YOU with forgiveness?