A change will do you good

I don't do resolutions. Seriously. I think of things that I can improve about myself and then I snicker and throw the idea in the proverbial trash and toss a match in it for good measure. I'm terrible. There were many goals that I toyed with, but ultimately I never really set my mind toward any particular goal. I much prefer the mentality of 'one day at a time' and that seems to work alright for me.

One thing that I definitely need and want to work on is my marriage. A facet of this is making sure I look my best for my husband. It may sound backward to you or desperate.  It may sound superficial, but I want to look good for Captain J. Of course, he tells me how attracted to me he is all the time, but since Baby K arrived, I've felt pretty blah. I am good to get through the day, much less work out or look nice when he arrives home from work. Forget dinner on the table. This area of my life has been sorely lacking. He doesn't ask me for any of these things, but it's just something that I know I need to change for him AND for me.

I actually got dressed today. Usually you can find me lounging around the house in sweatpants and a tee. I may or may not have spit up running down my shoulder. I may or may not have brushed my hair. It's bad, folks. But today, I found time to semi-fix my hair and put on clothes I wouldn't be ashamed of in front of the general population. Today, I feel like a person.



When the UPS guy dropped off a package earlier, I actually ran to the door instead of hiding under the couch in fear of being discovered as the hot mess I am was.

He didn't acknowledge me as he hopped in his truck and drove off, but me? I knew it was a big step. I can't live in pajamas forever. I so desperately wanted to be that girl who pops out her child, instantly becomes supermom, and still keeps being fabulous. I'm afraid that's going to take some time for me.

BUT...

These past few days have felt a little more bearable. K has been oddly content. *knock on wood* There has been less screaming, less puking, and less stress. I have had time in my day. It has been a welcomed change. It gives me hope that I can focus on my interests again. I can work on writing something other than brain unload. Maybe I can get dressed more often. Maybe I can actually workout again. Perhaps Captain J can come home to a clean house AND a hot wife! Oh, the possibilities.

This is just one of the changes I'd like to make in 2012.

Is it superficial? Perhaps. But I need to feel like myself again.

P.S. Who sang the title of this post in your best Sheryl Crow voice? No one? Ok, me either.