There are times when I want to say to this blog- sayonara! Cya never.
It just sucks up so much of my time. As I sit here typing now, there's laundry to do. There's money to be made. There are dishes to be washed, floors to clean. But I can't do it. This is my voice. It's the only place throughout the day that I can have interaction with someone other than a six month old.
Don't get me wrong. I love laughing and playing with my son. I love singing silly things just to get him to smile. But sometimes I want to talk to someone who will talk back! That's where all of you come in. So, for now- the blog will stay.
I've had a lot weighing on my heart lately. Perhaps this is why most of my posts have been fluff posts- ones that don't really reveal much about me. This is my online journal, though so prepare yourselves for a virtual unload:
1. I'm beyond ready and terrified at the same time to leave the Army behind. I was excited to get out because that meant that we would possibly be much closer to family. But what if all that isn't what it's cracked up to be? What if we're still far away and now I'm isolated as a SAHM with no Army community or Army family to immerse myself in? I wonder how the civilian stay at home moms do it. Is it difficult to meet friends? Friends with other kids? Then I think about Captain J's schedule right now. It's not so bad. I mean, when he's in rotation with JRTC (or in the field), we've been lucky. He comes home every other night usually. Recently, he has been home at least for a few hours every night. When there's not a unit here to train, he is home by 1500 most days! There's no way he'll find hours like that in the civilian world while making the money he makes now. The future is scary, but exciting too. I think I just miss the adventures we had in Alaska and I worry that he'll find a job some place and then what? We have to live there. What if I don't like it? With the Army, it was easy to be optimistic about moving (or PCSing) because if you don't like your duty station- no worries, you'll be moving again soon anyway. One thing I absolutely won't miss? The healthcare system.
2. I've also been missing work. It's probably not work per se but feeling as if I'm contributing to something. I've been freelancing occasionally so that helps me to feel productive, but I find myself searching for counseling opportunities in the area. Or even volunteer projects. I need to be valuable to someone, ya know?
3. I know I am to Baby K. Every day I notice more and more how much he depends on me and how he looks to me for most things. Can I just say how wonderful that feels? Of course I want him to feel safe and secure when I'm not with him, too but I love our time together. He's such a sweet boy and cute as a freakin' button. Sometimes I wonder if I bit off more than I can chew with doing cloth diapering and making our own baby food, but I actually enjoy it usually. Saving money feels good. Not to mention, it's nice to prove wrong all those people who doubted I would last a week with my crazy idea :)
Let's catch up, y'all. What's on YOUR mind?
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11 comments:
You are doing cloth diapers and making your own baby food? I hate you.
Not really. I love you, Kacy. Just never tell Lily that mothers actually do that. I think whichever option you pick when you have a child, you feel like you are doing something slightly wrong.
Girl, I hear ya. We've had some Army stuff going on lately that's had us thinking about Life After The Army. And it's scary stuff! It's almost like weighing to see which is the lesser of the two evils! LOL The Army provides so much for us, and when they're home, they usually (haha) have decent hours. The trade-off is those dang deployments. But civilian world? Possibly crappy hours and possibly crappy pay and (the scariest part of all) possibly living somewhere pretty permanently that you don't like. That is probably the scariest thing to me- finding a good job and home and everything, and then bam, you realize you don't like where you live. I like this Army-drifter lifestyle (for now). :) Change is good.
Don't be afraid to vent this stuff out! I bet half of the milspouses reading will be nodding their heads in agreement to what you're saying because it's so RIGHT ON. I hear ya. Also? You're not the only one who is tired of having a one-way conversation with someone while you're wiping their butt. LOL One day they will speak to us! I just know it! ;) lol
We are also making K's baby food. It really isn't hard at all. I know what she is putting in her mouth, where it came from, and I know that it is fresh! You're doing an amzing job with that little man. Look how stinkin cute and happy he is :)
We make Nora's food too. I love doing it :) And I totally know how you feel about missing work. There are some days I wish I was back at work but then I look at Nora and I see how much I would be missing out on.
@Jac- Love you, too dear! Lily's mom just happens to have much more of a career than I do. I probably wouldn't be able to do it if I was working!
@Jennifer- That's my most favoritest (ha) part of my blog--connecting with other milspouses like yourself. It makes my life happier :)
@Beth- Good for you. It is easy...but time consuming. K would eat us out of house and home if we let him, though. I can't wait to get our K's together...and it will be even more fun when we tell them they're betrothed.
@Karen- Yes! I'd much rather be able to stay here with him because I know J misses so much and he hates that. I can't imagine. Did Nora ever sleep for you today? K got about a 15 min nap. I'm hoping for long, glorious sleep tonight for both us and our little stinkers.
I for one would be sad if you stopped blogging and so would Pop . For us it's been a lifeline to Kinley that we would of missed out on. It's kept us posted on his progress and helps direct our prayers . Thank you for keeping us in the loop ! See younz's real soon. Tell baby k were bringing him
A surprise ! Lolly
BLOG!! Don't stop!! That would be incredibly poopy :)
What if you just cut down to once a week? Or once every 2 weeks? There is absolutely no way I can do more than once per week with a toddler and working on other writing projects, running, etc...I was wondering how you did it :) Now I feel better. haha
I think making your baby's food is awesome because when they get a little older and see you making it and want to be a part of it too, it is even more fun. It is like a bonding project and it gets them in touch with their food from a young age, I think.
Lots of prayers for guidance! And by the way, I really love your book reviews posts.
I won't stop any time soon. I like having these memories to reflect back on :) See ya soon.
I feel like my frustration with the amount of time spent on the internet was directed at the wrong source. I decided to give up facebook for awhile instead. Also, I love what you said about the baby food. I completely agree. Already, I like to explain to him how to do things- laundry, cooking, etc. It's my hope that this creates interest, a yearning for autonomy, and eventually a productive member of society! Thanks for the kind words and prayers!
I love reading your blogs! I am catching up now, because of work and well...no facebook reminders &&& because your subscription thingy doesn't send me emails anymore! I'm signing up for that again if it is still on here. Love you. Miss you.
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